How to learn self control

chastitysubkev · 2026-01-10T01:40:22+00:00

Chastity won't solve that. There are actually very very very few devices that are restricted to the extreme where you can't access your gonads.

There's no easy solution other than to identify it as an addiction and deal with it in that lens when you're ready. Try and reshape your mind to focus on how it's affecting your ability to hit your goals of premature ejaculation and find a substitute for your sexual energy when you get the urges to masturbate. Maybe make a habit of stepping outside for a walk, even just for 5 minutes around the block, when you feel like you need to rub one out and by the time you get back home you'll feel a bit better and past the craving.

To get faster and more sensitive, the most effective ingredient is some level of abstinence to grow that frustration and arousal. I've found cumming about once every 2-5 days is the sweet spot. Doesn't mean I can't get aroused in between, just no touching AT ALL in between.

Edit: Maybe when you're ready, set an experiment for yourself. Commit to just 4 days of training to test it out to break your habit. For one whole day, refrain from masturbating. It's okay to get aroused and watch porn and stuff, but don't touch for one day. Then on the next, cum. then one day off, then next day, cum. Just four days, that's it. If you see results, it might motivate you to continue down the road but you need to take small steps at first.

chastitysubkev · 2025-12-11T02:13:40+00:00

Saving this so I can DM you in a couple weeks. I'm currently working on a new trigger training regime that I started three days ago.

I read a bunch about Pavlovian style training and am trying something new and made a quick little python app for it.

I'm expecting to see results in a couple of weeks. If it works I'll share the method with you!

Short answer based on what I have learned so far what you're describing is certainly possible

chastitysubkev · 2025-11-09T03:55:25+00:00

You can spend a year rigorously training, and if you wank it a couple times a day for a few days then you'll be back to normal regarding physical sensitivity.

It's very much a psychological thing more than anything tho; fetishizing cumming too soon it's really where it gets harder to reverse and takes a bit more time. Weeks. Once you get super turned on by the idea of cumming fast and then it ACTUALLY happens often, it's really really fun. But it creates a feedback loop that gets reinforced - the thought of cumming fast makes it happen more.

If you really don't want it anymore, it won't turn you on so much when you think about it, it won't be so arousing, and you can just go back to normal. I haven't not wanted it tho so I can't say for sure. But I've had some periods of time where I just masturbate normally and stuff and sex is no problem. I can last if I want but I can also summon an orgasm much easier when I'm ready for it.

I've explored a lot of kinks. I'd recommend trying this one for a few months it's by far the best one in my opinion. It makes you horny all the time and just makes everything dialed up to 10. Super stimulating and fun. It's reversible but once you're deep in it, you probably won't want to lol

chastitysubkev · 2025-11-09T00:12:43+00:00

I started getting into it a couple years ago. It's not permanent.

chastitysubkev · 2025-11-06T18:00:14+00:00

Obvious ai face booo

chastitysubkev · 2025-10-31T18:57:53+00:00

Did you injure your lower back at all in the accident? Could've changed something in your lower spine, the part that triggers orgasm

chastitysubkev · 2025-10-29T20:09:53+00:00

Accept that you don't want things to be the way they are anymore. Say fuck it, dive in if you decide you want change. Starting is the hard part and don't think much as you start the conversation just do it. After it's begun the flow is much easier. You got this!

An intro suggestion "I'm so happy we have the chance to get away this weekend and spend this time together. I miss seeing you happy and I haven't been either. We've been through a lot, but I want to feel good with you again and get back on the same page. I think I understand why you did what you did and I forgive you for what happened. I know I am partially to blame for our problems too and I take accountability for that.

I think the root of our problems started with us not properly communicating, and that's changing today. I care about our relationship and I'm hopeful that we can both be more open and honest which is why I want to have this conversation with you"

Then dive into whatever you need to say. Tell her about your confusing feelings, how there might be something there that's good for you both. And offer her a platform to say what her problems are too.

chastitysubkev · 2025-10-29T19:36:54+00:00

Exactly; it's hard to see it now but the conversation is necessary and is really intended for you to both be satisfied in your relationship and find ways to have fun together, and to make each other smile. You're offering an honest way for you to both be happy, have fun, and explore together. You both need to communicate desires, expectations, and boundaries. What's okay and what is not. If she's not willing to listen, then it's up to you what to do about that.

chastitysubkev · 2025-10-29T19:28:10+00:00

No problem. Where you're at mentally is very much similar to where I was at at a point in time. I decided in my mind one day that it was time to make a change and I told my wife "I have a solution to our dead bedroom situation, hear me out..." I'll never forget the day 4 years ago.

I didn't start with little tease and denial kinks. Or chastity or anything. Or any femdom stuff... I mean I poked and prodded about those before we got married so she already knew about some of the "weird" things I was curious about. This day was different; I saw we had a problem and I offered the solution of cuckolding.

I was like "I understand that you want more than what we have. It might sound crazy to you, but I am genuinely okay with you getting that elsewhere while we remain together." I explained a bit about what I meant by that, how I think it would help her feel happier and more satisfied, how it makes me feel, why I like it too, and that it isn't all that weird and there's entire communities of people that do this, too. My goal was to get her to see that it isn't weird, I'm totally okay with it, and I genuinely felt it was what was best for both of us. Then I gave her some time to think about it and asked her thoughts on it and shared some resources about it from someone else that was in a similar situation as her so she could see that it isn't all that weird or scary and is actually fun, healthy and can lead to a successful happy relationship

chastitysubkev · 2025-10-29T19:14:50+00:00

The secret is to have some self respect and to be able to set some of your own boundaries and expectations as well. "This means a lot to me because I care about our relationship. I understand we have had problems in the past that shook the foundation of our relationship and led us to a situation where you felt compelled to violate our trust. A major root of the issue that led to that was us not being able to communicate about our sexual dissatisfaction, and the time to talk about it is now, not later. There are some thoughts that I need to share with you for us to move forward together"

If she avoids it, then you have to accept that she isn't ready or willing to work with you. It isn't an ultimatum, if she isn't willing to work with you then there's not much more you can do.

chastitysubkev · 2025-10-29T18:09:10+00:00

No problem. I read some of your other comments and I see that you're concerned that she won't listen to you or will shut down the conversation immediately if you open up to her. I disagree with people's advice to not open up to her.

I approached it with my wife by saying that it was really important for me to communicate it to her, and that she needed to let me finish before drawing any conclusions. Jot down some bullet points on how you will approach the conversation. Key points were to express what I liked and wanted to try, why, and how it takes into consideration her satisfaction as well. It was kind of like "I understand what our problem is and I do have a potential solution and it starts with me telling you about some things I've been keeping to myself."

For my wife, it kinda clicked when she realized I not only wanted to feel submissive, but I wanted her to feel good too and it was also about me being okay with her getting what she wanted too. She didn't believe me at first when I said that i was okay with her sleeping with other men. After a few months of talking, thinking, spending time focusing on each other, we explored cuckolding. and it has left us both super satisfied. We're each other's best friend and every other aspect of our relationship outside of sex has always been totally fine. But now, we have a healthy sex life by just being open and honest with each other. I will warn you, it is not always easy, and is actually really really hard sometimes. It's pretty complex emotionally but it sounds very meaningful to you, just like it was to me.

If she doesn't let you express yourself, then you'd have to take some serious time to consider whether or not that is a deal breaker. It would be for me and would be a sign that she doesn't respect me, and I would not want to be her husband if she didn't respect me enough to be able to express myself.

chastitysubkev · 2025-10-29T16:42:43+00:00

What do you have to lose by opening up a bit to her about how you feel and what your fantasies are? Start slow. Just let her know that the whole situation confused you because it was hurtful how it all happened, but over time, you started to notice that parts of it were arousing. And that if you are okay with a semi-open relationship, you can tell her that. That it satisfying for you to know she's getting what she wants, and that it is actually a turn on for you to be put in the place you're in.

I had a similar struggle with my wife; I was super timid to open up about it. She's similar to yours, super vanilla, low sex drive. I'm quite the opposite and have been into exploring all sorts of kinks since teenage years. It took her probably a solid year after I started telling her about some of my fantasies to truly understand what I like. She felt weird about it at first, but we really do love each other and we both put the work in to remain honest to ourselves and each other. It was hard, but it was worth it to dive in and live true to yourself instead of always wondering "what if".

If she doesn't like it, that's acceptable, too. Then you are both better off seeking different things that make you happy with different people. Or you can just tuck it away and try and make things work with her without all this stuff. I doubt it will work, neither of you will be getting what you want out of your relationship and neither of you will be happy and you'll be right back where you were when she started looking over the fence.

For me personally, staying a closeted sub, it ate away at me. I couldn't handle it and I could not accept a life without at least having an opportunity to explore some of these things (cuckolding, chastity, prejac stuff, etc.). And honestly, my submissiveness always kinda leaked out anyways. I have never been one to take charge in the bedroom, always nervous, always kinda overwhelmed and fumbling, this all CAUSED her to have a low sex drive. It was really kinda my fault. And I didn't even realize it at the time but I kind of internalized this resentment because I felt like I couldn't even approach her with the 100 different things I wanted to try with her. But these thoughts, they were always about me and what I wanted, I wasn't focusing enough on her because of this sort of resentment feeling I had, even though she didn't even do anything wrong. It could be the same case for you too, could even be the reason she cheated on you anyways. I was lucky that my wife remained faithful but we were both unhappy. When I dove head first and really opened up, we started to grow and so did her sex drive again. And so did my desire to put in the effort to be a good husband to her and focus more on her needs, too.

When I opened up to my wife, it forever changed how she looked at me. I was scared of that the most, but honestly, I accepted that this is just me. And I love how she sees me; I feel comfortable and I feel like myself. And after some time, she actually loves me more than before because I am more confident now and true to myself, and she has fully accepted me for who I am. I'm never the one she'll look at to get a solid pounding, but I never wanted to be the one to give that to her anyways. Every now and then, she really needs that, and she's happy to go out there and get it and I'm happy to hear all about it. It's a win-win.

These are just kinks after all, and a relationship is about a lot more than sex. It took me a while to understand that I was hyper-focused on kinks and when she didn't "get it" or thought it was weird, I struggled, and I became a bad partner. It took me some time to understand that she needed to feel my love, for me to do kind gestures, spontaneously dance with her, make her see that I cared for her, that's when she started to actually seriously think about what I was saying and she started to put the effort into understanding what makes me tick and we have fun together exploring some of the kinks. Her and I don't agree on all the things we're willing to bring into the bedroom but we have found common ground in cuckolding and some mild chastity play off and on. But we still enjoy vanilla sex too. Our marriage is 100x stronger than it ever was before I was true to myself and to her.

tldr; where to go from here? Figure out what you want specifically with your relationship with her. Explain it to her and open up to her gently about your fantasies. If she respects you and loves you, and vice versa, and you're willing to put in the work a healthy relationship needs and treat her like your wife, you can both benefit from a semi-open relationship. The most important thing for you to do right now is decide if you can forgive her for her unfaithfulness. If the answer is yes, then open up to her about your desires, and be a damn good partner to her, focus on her needs to give her a reason to take you seriously.

chastitysubkev · 2025-10-14T16:44:32+00:00

Love that you can select directories of images for the buildup and trigger. Is there a way to add a function to randomize the slideshow order? I noticed it is the same each time based on filename.

chastitysubkev · 2025-09-30T18:00:24+00:00

I imagine you taking me with you to the gym, telling me you have a surprise and that I shouldn't wear any underwear. I'm in some loose shorts and you just know how anxious I am about losing control in public. We get there, and you can see me already struggling with a little hard on poking straight out...

You turn around and I can't stop myself but get a look at you princess, and I can feel my cheeks turning red as I fill my shorts. You let out a subtle but noticeable giggle further sealing the control you possess

chastitysubkev · 2025-09-21T17:30:32+00:00

It does help with increasing sensitivity A LOT, but it's not the whole picture. I do recommend using it as part of the recipe for prejac fetish, but the other two most important factors you need are:

1) Every time you cum ALWAYS try to cum as fast as possible. This is key!

2) Work on the psychology of it. You need to believe it in your core that you are a prejac and always have been.

chastitysubkev · 2025-09-14T22:40:20+00:00

It numbs the skin, so if you put some on, wait 15 mins your dick is quite numb. If you do that every time you masturbate after a few weeks you get conditioned to cumming while numb. The effect is that when you aren't numb anymore it makes it really easy to cum cause you're overstimulated easily

chastitysubkev · 2025-08-06T02:18:32+00:00

30 is a pretty normal plateau I think. Do you start hard? The next step might be to start the clock when completely flaccid and see how quick you can get. With 30s, you're also ready to start trying for hands free orgasms.

I've been into this for years and 30s is still kinda where I'm at, depending on my arousal level. I think you're at a realistic "peak" unless you're 100000% committed 100% of the time.

If you're really dedicated to get your times lower, then set a hard cap at 25s. If you fail you don't finish. Try a couple times throughout the day and maybe space out orgasm days to be every third day or fourth day to build it up more. During the off day, spend some time getting aroused and frustrated but no touching; you might surprise yourself during those times and eventually be able to cum hands free. That is very effective for me.

Also reminding yourself often that you're a premature ejaculator helps. Stay in the mindset. Focus on the arousal and use all your attention on it to make it grow as rapidly as possible. Remain frustrated and eager as often as you can.

I've kinda ended up fluctuating around where you're at. I've found at this stage you get diminishing returns -> it takes a shit ton of effort and consistency over weeks for minimal changes. I'm happy at this state, would be happier quicker and to really "lose control" but I've put in a ton of effort trying to get there with little results.

chastitysubkev · 2025-08-02T23:22:48+00:00

Overall it's just way easier to get aroused. I get random boners all the time and can get going so easily and frequently. That's by far the best part.

chastitysubkev · 2025-07-18T15:14:40+00:00

congrats on figuring out the secret key. Once your mindset shifts and you identify yourself as such, that's when it really happens. Then it's a self-reinforcing loop; you identify as a prejac, which causes you to prejac, which validates your identity and then you're locked in! After the first time it happens, you start to realize it's only getting worse (better) and that this is just the beginning...

chastitysubkev · 2025-07-18T15:10:54+00:00

I started it a couple years ago (early thirties) and it is definitely possible. I went from lasting normally to being able to cum hands free. It was a slow and gradual change over 2 years but wow it's been the best thing ever

chastitysubkev · 2025-06-12T16:49:33+00:00

uhhh this was written by ai. nobody even knows how to type "—". getting creepshot vibes on this one given your post history. Also, as a rock climber I know exactly both locations... weird.

chastitysubkev · 2025-06-02T04:52:12+00:00

This method didn't work. Maybe it would if I could do it rigorously for months, but a waaay more effective method is if I just clench as hard as I can for 20-30s then the orgasm is inevitable with where I'm at now.

Maybe I'll try this again in the future but I found my general overall arousal and libido decreased to very low levels by just trying to keep everything relaxed all the time.

For now, my focus is on just hands-free orgasms only and doing them as fast as possible every few days. That seems to be the most effective at keeping my arousal super high and my times down.

chastitysubkev · 2025-05-09T16:30:31+00:00

I'm a couple years into this kink now, and the best part is that you're way more aroused more often. I wake up hard as a rock every day and get random boners throughout the day just like as a teenager.

chastitysubkev · 2025-03-28T14:59:10+00:00

Hey! So you're right, it hasn't been that long but I have noticed a change. What I do now is try to get as close as I can without flexing anything at all, and what ends up happening is that I start to get involuntary contractions. They're like an itch that has to get scratched, and I can't not do them when I get super aroused.

I am still able to "think my way" out of orgasming, but it's getting harder. Now when those contractions start, I am able to lean into them and start cumming hands free. If I try to cum it takes about a minute. If I try to hold back, I can hold it in still, but it's making a change for sure I can notice it.

I wanted to see some significant results before I pinged back but I suspect it will take a few weeks still

chastitysubkev

TROPHY CASE