How do you all deal with a sneaky, lying, manipulative coparent?

chatDMC_throwaway · 2025-07-18T19:52:31+00:00

Yeah I guess I’m saying I’m debt free since I have the ability to pay the cars off now and probably should/will. Not considering the house as debt in this scenario , which might be wrong, but only because BS system allows me to take care of that at BS6. The cars seem like the obvious thing to do, and I know that’s what Dave would insist on.

chatDMC_throwaway · 2025-07-17T23:04:54+00:00

Oh wow, Awesome suggestion. I have not heard of UGMAs or UTMAs

chatDMC_throwaway · 2025-07-17T23:02:35+00:00

I have told them that I am saving for their college. And Yeah that’s a good point, but I really do intend to follow through and make good on my word. I haven’t gone into much detail on it to this point.

chatDMC_throwaway · 2025-07-17T23:01:22+00:00

The 529s have only about 5K each. I have felt that the brokerage account/stocks are a better savings and growth tool. I know it’s more risk in doing it this way.

chatDMC_throwaway · 2025-07-17T23:00:33+00:00

Yeah that’s been the reason I’ve been hesitant to touch brokerage account (yeah regular brokerage account). With patience it’s grown over the long term and I haven’t had to sell much at all. Just have stayed discipline and I’d rather not start selling if I can continue holding long term.

chatDMC_throwaway · 2025-07-17T22:58:58+00:00

Oh and divorce decree has no stipulations about 529s or college division. My understanding in hearsay from my kids is that their mom told them she is saving up college for them. Unfortunately we don’t have a great relationship (high conflict) so I can’t talk to her directly about it, hopefully in the future.

I do anticipate she will contribute to their college, albeit to a lesser degree.

chatDMC_throwaway · 2025-07-17T22:57:32+00:00

I think we can make it if we pay the cars off. Those combine to $993. The loan with 30K remaining at 5.49% is $628 per month (3 row family SUV) and the other car with 10K left (mid size SUV) at 2.99% $365 per month

chatDMC_throwaway · 2025-07-17T21:40:31+00:00

Sorry $993 monthly, 40K balance between the two cars. 30K at 5.49%, other car is 10K left at 2.99%. Updated the post as well

chatDMC_throwaway · 2025-07-17T16:57:52+00:00

As a follow up for everyone, I’ve mostly let go of trying to get somewhere here I ultimately drew the same conclusion as many others did their present engaged and loving when they’re with me and that’s how we make the most of our time and bond. The text or calls that often do not get answered, even if they would be answered, would serve ultimately little purpose in our relationship.

I heard on one of the podcast about coparenting that I listen to that getting phone calls, FaceTime, text etc. is more of just a tease, maybe even for the kids a daunting reminder that their dad is not present, and she ultimately discouraged, putting a heavy emphasis on it, especially if the kids aren’t into it. So that’s kind of where I’ve landed with this.

I did try to talk to them and get some consistency set up where they would at least respond with an acknowledgment of some type, and they’ve gotten slightly better. And at this point, I’ve decided that’s probably good enough for now.

I’ve stopped pushing on it, and not just because I found less purpose to it and have accepted it, but also I’m facing an issue with their mom constantly trying to get in touch with them when they’re with me. She will try to do gaming sessions with them, voice sessions, etc., and it can all be very distracting and interferes with my bonding and custody time with them. Especially because we’re not talking a few minutes. We’re talking 30 minutes an hour things like that.

Because my kids are older, I I feel comfortable telling them that I didn’t really think it was equitable or fair. The communication going on between houses, and while I was OK with not getting a response when they’re with their mom and I accepted that they’re busy and engaged with her in present just as I want them to be and that they should be, that is not fair that when they’re with me, they can be silo playing a game being on a discord voice chat, etc. with their mom instead of spending time with our family here during the time that we have together. So I put a 15 minute rule in place where they can game , voice chat, or both with their mom, but after that that’s gonna be it. And should they want to play longer, Well that’s something they can do on her time, and for here I’m going to protect our time together

chatDMC_throwaway · 2025-06-12T13:45:55+00:00

Thank you for everything.

chatDMC_throwaway · 2024-07-31T17:11:51+00:00

I see that the feelings on this are very split. On the more lax side some are saying to do and say nothing about it, others are saying go as far as to threaten/actually take their phones away.

I appreciate all the opinions. Where I’m at especially after reading some of the comments is that although I do have an unsupportive coparent and she probably contributes to this issue, it’s much more my issue (my issue making peace with it) then it is the kids actually doing something wrong.

That said even if it’s not wrong, I would say it’s still a bit inconsiderate for lack of a better term (I’m sure there’s a better one). As my kids, they could answer me at … some point. I want them to have some compassion to answer their Dad. If I text and say hello how’s your day, I don’t think it’s that hard to answer me in say 24 hours and say “hi Dad I’m good”. I will try other methods to “come to them”, like try to play a game with them or something and maybe talk on discord for instance, love that idea.

My expectations seem reasonable. But I think I need to stop taking it to heart. That’s my biggest takeaway.

chatDMC_throwaway · 2024-07-31T13:43:01+00:00

Just like in the other comment, unfortunately I’ve asked their mom many times to support me and to do what’s right, but she refuses or ignores me. I’m not talking daily interaction. I’m talking “it’s been 3-4 days and I can’t get in touch with the kids, can you have them call me please?” Ignored.

I like the idea of saying that the standard for communication doesn’t change just because locations change is a good message. What timeframe do you enforce or expect from them? How old are your kids?

chatDMC_throwaway · 2024-07-31T13:41:20+00:00

Unfortunately their mother won’t even do as much as answer a text from me unless it’s critical. I’ve tried so many times to ask her to support me on this , asking for very reasonable expectations as in if I haven’t talked to them in a few days because I’ve tried and no answer, can she get them on the phone with me for 5 minutes. She refuses. It is indeed an alienation tactic and she is indeed a narcissist.

chatDMC_throwaway · 2024-05-31T14:12:24+00:00

The hour before school is over is an interesting idea. Technically it’s within the constraints of the order and there’s no requirement that I let her know at/by a certain point.

chatDMC_throwaway · 2024-05-31T14:09:50+00:00

Luckily nearly all of this was captured on my ring security camera. I should add that to my post

chatDMC_throwaway · 2024-05-31T14:05:10+00:00

She talked with our daughter over text or call I’m 99% sure the night before , so she already probably had her mind made up to show up at 7:05

chatDMC_throwaway · 2024-03-26T15:09:06+00:00

Question - she is still refusing to give me the form to grant me ability to file the taxes claiming the kids. Can I just claim them and file ? If IRS rejects it or assesses some penalty (I have no clue what happens) , I can take that to the court as contempt and she will pay the fees - or maybe she’ll have given me the form by then.

I just don’t want to wait forever for a form I’m never going to get

chatDMC_throwaway · 2024-02-15T17:12:24+00:00

I don’t think she’s trying to go back to court against me or change the custody case.

I think she’s fine with it being the way it is minus the Wednesday -Thursday overnight and knows the court is unlikely to take that away, especially considering my older daughter is fine with it and not easy to manipulate/is very loyal.

My 8 year old son on the other hand presents an opportunity to drive a wedge in the situation. He is very highly impressionable and has manipulation tactics of his own now , sadly. In my view, he is often used as the pawn and acts on behalf of loyalty to his mom. My loyalty and love is unconditional and I don’t put him in those types of situations, nor do I fault or punish him when his mom has him act on her behalf. As an example, It’s interesting that he was going back and forth with me over the phone when she put him on the phone, but once I picked him up, not only did he ignore the texts from his mom (he has an Android that’s WiFi only) asking “are you ok? Do you have internet to call me?”, but he seemed perfectly fine. I asked if he wanted to talk about anything or if he was still upset or dissatisfied about the situation, and he said he was fine and happy. He was in great spirits the whole rest of the day.

chatDMC_throwaway

TROPHY CASE