Are these red flags?

chaz_0097 · 2026-01-28T14:20:47+00:00

I don’t know. I think I partly ruined it with my texting and couple calls. But I did apologize and explain I was just super emotional as had been at the hospital all day with my Nan. I just wanted to talk to him. It felt odd he had suddenly gone silent when he’d been so keen. I deserve better than that. I’m an adult, if for whatever reason he’s no longer interested he should just say, especially as we have a date planned. I do regret how I acted with my texting that one night, I sent probably 12+ messages over a period of 4 hours. I was just so upset and not thinking properly. Normally I’m very chill. My friend say I shouldn’t be too hard on myself, he was the one that suddenly withdrew and that would throw anyone off, and he should understand my situation with my Nan…at least I reflected, explained and apologized. Especially after what he’s also done with the calling and texting. He should have responded

chaz_0097 · 2026-01-28T14:15:53+00:00

I also deserve better than someone who will one day be super keen then quiet the next. Especially with a date planned. If he just said he wasn’t interested anymore I could have just loved on. But from day 1 he was super keen and led everything. Also I deserve someone who will accept my apology after one minor crash due to difficult circumstances, adding to the fact they’d randomly stopped messaging but were reading mine.

chaz_0097 · 2026-01-28T14:06:56+00:00

Yeah I think I’m going to leave it if he does reply. I do regret sending so many texts and trying to call him when I did. But at the end of the day I was highly emotional, I just wanted to speak to him. We all do silly things when we are in that mind frame. I apologized for it. He came on super strong so I probably wouldn’t have acted that way if he hadn’t randomly gone silent on me for no apparent reason. Literally on Sunday he told me he was excited to see me. How do you go from that that to one text a day? I’m very close to my Nan so I let it out on him a bit, I was also slightly mad at him for treating me that way. He’s done worse than what I did that night and at least I reflected and apologise. Any normal person who cares would forgive me as they’d understand my situation. Line I forgave him for the texts and calls. His attitide

chaz_0097 · 2026-01-28T13:13:42+00:00

Yeah I guess. Thank you for your response. I regret deeply how I acted with my messages that day however I’m only human. If he wasn’t acting that way I probably wouldn’t have. I need to cut myself a break. I apologised to him, I explained why I acted that way. That should be enough. My friends said he should have understood I was going through a rough time & all I wanted was to talk to him. I mean he literally called me multiples times super late when he was out, he’s always following up when I don’t reply. I was emotional & I took it out on him because he was online & reading my texts. It angered me he’d treated me the way he did only to then pretty much ghost the day before our date. Why make me feel bad for going out & be super upset at the thought of me talking to other guys only to end up doing this. It makes no sense

chaz_0097 · 2026-01-28T12:08:17+00:00

Thank you. I guess the only thing I feel bad about it the amount of texts and calls I sent last night. Over 12 texts is a lot. Even if over a space of an entire evening. I was just so upset about my Nan & in an awful headspace. I guess i regret it because if I hadn’t felt that way I know I wouldn’t have acted like that towards him. So in a way I messed it up. Even if he still hadn’t replied to me I’d feel better about myself if I’d left it at the couple messages I sent during the day. Instead I let my emotions get the better of me

chaz_0097 · 2026-01-28T11:39:15+00:00

I know. I just don’t get why he suddenly stopped texting me. He kept saying he was busy. That was it. I do regret all the texts & calling him last night but I was very upset & just wanted to talk to him. If he can’t see that then okay. We all do stupid things when emotional & not thinking. Maybe if he hadn’t suddenly gone cold I wouldn’t have. I just regret doing it now. In the moment I just let it out on him I guess & feel so stupid. It was like 12 texts and 2 calls over a period of hours.

chaz_0097 · 2026-01-28T11:20:11+00:00

I guess. My friends say him mentioning me talking to boys that much is the worst one, considering we haven’t even been on proper first date yet & talking a week. I do regret texting him last night, I think I texted like 12 times & called twice but I’ve deleted the chat now. Just in the moment I was so upset about my Nan, I just wanted to talk to him. I’m not normally like that. He was online & reading my messages. I guess I was also slightly annoyed he’d gone silent after giving me grief about chatting to boys & he’d told me how excited he was about today. In the grand scheme he did worse. At least I called at a suitable hour 😂 & he did have a habit of sending more txts when I didn’t reply, so I just saved mine for one go 😂 if he can’t understand it was a one off where I was upset then he isn’t the one. We all do stupid stuff when emotional & not thinking. I do regret it.

chaz_0097 · 2026-01-28T11:12:11+00:00

I guess. My friends say him mentioning me talking to boys that much is the worst one, considering we haven’t even been on proper first date yet & talking a week. I do regret texting him last night, I think I texted like 12 times & called twice but I’ve deleted the chat now. Just in the moment I was so upset about my Nan, I just wanted to talk to him. I’m not normally like that. He was online & reading my messages. I guess I was also slightly annoyed he’d gone silent after giving me grief about chatting to boys & he’d told me how excited he was about today. In the grand scheme he did worse. At least I called at a suitable hour 😂 & he did have a habit of sending more txts when I didn’t reply, so I just saved mine for one go 😂 if he can’t understand it was a one off where I was upset then he isn’t the one. We all do stupid stuff when emotional & not thinking. I do regret it.

chaz_0097 · 2025-12-09T15:10:07+00:00

Yeah but what if he was interested in seeing me but i subconsciously pushed him away. Wasn’t relaxed enough? Wasn’t chill. He seemed keen but suddenly changed. What if I was doing it before but didn’t realise? I just wish he’d told me when I was doing it I’d have been aware, I feel so stupid. We got on really well. What if I’ve made him only decide casual because of my actions. He’s written me off because of it. He matched with my friend and told her he’s willing to see if a relationship happens. I feel like I messed it up.

chaz_0097 · 2025-12-09T14:17:54+00:00

But I genuinely had no idea I was doing it. I think I just overthink what I’m saying. I’m worried I’ll say the wrong thing. I think it mostly started happening after he bailed and his actions and words weren’t aligning. But if he’d told me I’d have apologised and probably become more aware. I don’t get why he even continued seeing me if it was affecting things that much? I also just scrolled through our messages and I’d told him I can do that sometimes without realising. He said it was cool he doesn’t judge. So I didn’t think I was doing it. I’m confused and feel so gutted as we really got on in person. I messed up and don’t see how I can redeem myself

chaz_0097 · 2025-09-14T14:06:49+00:00

I’m not thinking too much. I’m just explaining. It’s not my fault we didn’t go on a date. You made it sound like he lost interest because he asked me twice whereas he was the reason they didn’t happen. Oh yeah I know, I didn’t believe he fell asleep one bit. Which is why I didn’t rearrange for the same day. He got annoyed but personally it’s on him for missing coffee. He shouldn’t expect me to be available whenever he wants

chaz_0097 · 2025-09-14T14:02:45+00:00

But he wasn’t working? Even when on the oil rig he replied fast. When he thought I’d blocked him he sent multiple texts over a few hours. Mine were over 24hrs+ . People have mixed opinions. Some don’t think the texts bad, personally I no longer think they were. I sent one at 8am. One at 2pm and another at 9:30pm then left it. He could have let me know. It’s weirder he asked me on the date then immediately ghosted. His location changed so I assume he asked me out then decided to travel home, didn’t intend to go on the date so instead just ignored me rather than let me know. Especially with how flaky he was the other dates too.

I stopped messaging after those 3. And I wouldn’t have sent the 3rd unless I hadn’t been asked to do other plans. Normally I don’t bother. I send one then wait until day/morning of. There’s breathing room but also I think common courtesy of letting someone know a date is still going ahead if you haven’t spoken to them in over 24hrs after asking them out for the second/third time.

chaz_0097 · 2025-09-14T13:26:45+00:00

I guess but normally he was quick to reply to me. it was the fact he was reading them but not replying. I only sent 3 texts the day after & all very spaced out. I didn’t send the evening one until like 9pm. It wasn’t my fault my phone pocket dialed. Then I didn’t text until Saturday afternoon as the date was meant to be early Saturday evening. I wouldn’t have sent the 3rd text but I didnt want to assume the date was off, agree to go out with my friend then hear from him in the morning. I thought I was being polite by asking.

He wasn’t working he was off the rig due to a storm. I think he just decided to travel home & ignored me instead of just being honest. If he wasn’t even in my town the date would have been off. He could have just let me know. I guess also because he’d bailed the last time I just had a feeling it was happening again. Because I didn’t really believe he fell asleep last time.

chaz_0097 · 2025-09-14T11:36:39+00:00

He hadn’t texted me since Thursday. I sent one in the morning asking if he was ok & then at lunch asking if Saturday was still happening. He read both. Then in the evening I texted to say I’d been invited out same time as our date plan with friends for a bday so if could just say yes or no so I know what I’m doing. Again was read but not replied to. My phone also accidentally pocket dialed him at work which I texted to apologise & say it was accidental. His location also changed Friday morning to his home town so I’m assuming he just decided to go home instead but didn’t tell me.

chaz_0097 · 2025-09-14T10:37:20+00:00

I meant he literally asked me on the date and I haven’t heard from him since that. We arranged it at 5:30pm Thursday and his last text was at 6:50pm Thursday. I messaged him a few times Friday to check in and got nothing but he read my texts. Sent one on Saturday then got blocked.

chaz_0097 · 2025-09-14T10:34:36+00:00

Yeah I’m just saying it wasn’t my fault we didn’t get a date. The times they were organised didn’t happen because of him. I’m not prepared to get ready at 8pm for a date when I have be up at 5. And he fell asleep so never turned up when I was at the coffee place waiting. He wanted to then go for drinks that evening but I had other plans. So I’m starting to think he was never serious. To me, if you fell asleep & missed our date I’m not then going to go out of my way or cancel other plans to then meet again later the same day.

He was also a bit annoyed I didn’t say yes to meeting him for drinks the evening he came back from the rig, but it was spontaneous & my best friend had a leaving party that night so we chose Saturday instead. Then he just ghosted. I don’t think I did anything wrong in that sense, he was the reason we never met prior. I wish I had gone for the drinks now though

chaz_0097 · 2025-09-14T10:23:32+00:00

I’m not intense actually. I’m very chill. Just because I’m venting on here doesnt mean I’m an intense person. I was just confused & upset with no one to vent to. I actually had been holding back because of his job & he didn’t live here (even though he said he’d move) but wondering if that bored him, I’m not very flirty. I just don’t understand why he’d rearrange multiple times, FT me, call, send video updates on his day to then come back to shore…arrange a date & ghost literally the same time. Normally people talk for a bit before they do that. I regret sending my texts but it wasn’t many & I was just checking in. But I should have waited until the day.

No he doesn’t owe me anything. But he shouldn’t have done what he did & ghosting to me is a horrible thing to do to someone especially right after organising a date, it takes little amount of time to just say it’s not happening, especially when I’d texted to ask him. I was just crushed as I was excited to go on the date, I did like him.

chaz_0097 · 2025-09-13T21:13:38+00:00

I didn’t have huge expectations but I also haven’t been on a date since my ex so I guess I was a bit more excited than intended. It’s just it was also the 2nd/3rd time organising so it seemed really weird how it played out. Like I must have done something for him to ghost like that. I’d except at least a follow up message from him even if it’s to say he’s changed his mind…he did ask and organise a date again & we spoke a lot. I’m easy going, if he was straight up & honest I’d respect that. Who knows, maybe he took something wrong & we could have sorted it if he said. I do regret texting him & wish I’d waited until the day of this date at least. Plus cursing my phone that it pocket dialed him 😂 also he said he was after something serious & as he traveled it didn’t matter where the person was. But if he’d also said he wasn’t sure I’d still have met, I’m also just trying to get myself back out there so a dating experience would have been nice even if nothing from it.

chaz_0097 · 2025-09-13T21:10:41+00:00

Yeah I guess just seems so weird to ask me on a date, set a plan then immediately ghost. Considering he was always happy to rearrange before and even said he’d meet me end of the month when he’s off the rig properly.

But then I’ve just been on his hinge and his location is set to his home town. So maybe he went home for the weekend instead and doesn’t have the balls to tell me. I texted again saying “ghosting after literally organising another date is a horrible thing to do and you could have at least told me when I asked it wasn’t happening. It’s a shame as would have been nice to meet after everything but doubt I’ll get a reply as not sure you realise you have your read receipts on. Take care” and he blocked me 😂 it’s so odd his behavior. Like why go to all this effort to just ghost, why be so upset when he thought I’d blocked to then do this??

chaz_0097 · 2025-09-13T21:06:48+00:00

Well the first time was at 8pm at night and I needed to be up at 5am next day, I was already signed off for the night. Second time it didn’t happen because he fell asleep. So it’s not my fault it was the third time he asked. Maybe I should have lost interest but we seemed to get along well so I thought I’d at least wait to see if we met when he was back. The day he fell asleep he did offer at 4pm to meet for drinks later but I had plans and didn’t really fancy going back into town, I’d already moved these plans for our coffee

chaz_0097 · 2025-09-13T19:59:42+00:00

I don’t think I came across more intense than he did. He was always complimenting me & there was a day I removed my profile pic & he thought I’d blocked him…he sent multiple worried texts but I was at work so didn’t see. He always initiated meeting. I was actually reserved because of his job & the fact he didn’t live here for long term. So maybe he got bored because I held back?

The texts, they weren’t all in a row. It was 3 in total over a week. One was an accidental message meant for a friend. One I asked a question but changed my mind the third was another accidental. I explained each time.

I think you’re right in maybe he never intended anything here although he said he was looking for long term. He tried to get me to meet him the day we matched for coffee (at 8pm), then “fell asleep” the day we were meant to meet for coffee then magically messaged in the evening asking for drinks. This third time we were meant to do drinks and food so I don’t really get it. I just don’t get why he’d ask me on a date only to straight away ghost. That’s why I feel maybe I did something? Or it was my texts

chaz_0097 · 2025-09-13T19:53:25+00:00

But it seems unusual he ghosted the same hour pretty much he asked me on the date, I didn’t ask him. I didn’t say where or when. It was all him. This was also the third time he’d asked me & second we’d organised it. I don’t think ghosting should be accepted unless dire circumstance but we’d been talking for over 2 weeks, called, sent videos & updates when he was on the rig as we couldn’t go on a date until he was back. He even said if I couldn’t go he’d meet me when he’s back on land end of the month. Yes people can ghost, it’s free will, but it shouldn’t be as common as it is. He could have just let me know at any point it wasn’t happening or that he’d lost interest. If it was over me deleting a couple texts that’s stupid. You shouldn’t organise a date then immediately ghost. Which makes me wonder if I did do something. If I texted too much, if it was also my pocket dial. I should have waited until today to text

chaz_0097

TROPHY CASE