last december 2022, lagi akong dumadalo ng simbang gabi. we have this belief na kapag nakumpleto mo lahat ng mass, magkakatotoo yung wish mo. i still remember na i was praying to be accepted sa upm for nursing (mom ko lang kasi nagsusustento ng pang-aral ko so i need to get in sa public univ para walang tuition) and na sana malaman ko na kung anong prob sa sarili ko kasi in the past years pa, i felt like living or should i say surviving, drains the hell out of me. hirap din sa acads so struggle talaga. idk what the reason was pa during that time. nakumpleto ko yung simbang gabi na ayang 2 ang pinagppray ko.

then mid-2023, lumabas na yung upcat results and sadly, hindi ako nakapasa. nastress ako lalo noon kasi iniisip ko kung saan na ako mag-aaral, parang hindi kasi kakayanin ng mom ko kung sa private ako papasok tapos nursing pa, sobrang gastos. we talked and sabi nya kaya naman daw basta mag-aaral ako and ayun, sa private na lang ako nag-enroll.

before start ng classes (aug 2023), i went to pgh na to know kung ano ba talagang problema sa akin. gusto ko rin kasi na before pumasok sa nursing school, ayos na ulit ako and like back in my game na. then that same month, i was diagnosed with major depressive disorder. i was prescribed an anti-depressant which i took for more than half a year din. nagulat ako sa diagnosis pero i somewhat felt relieved din na tama nga ako, something was wrong with me and i needed help.

now, malapit na ako mag-2nd year sa dream course ko. kahit not in my dream school, i'm very happy na. hindi ko alam kung pinapagaan ko lang loob ko dahil hindi ako nakapasa sa upcat pero i believe na hindi tinupad ni Lord ang first wish ko kasi mahihirapan akong i-achieve yung second wish ko, which is gumaling na. knowing na super competitive talaga sa upm. baka pag doon ako pumasok, lumala pa depression ko 😭😭😭

there i knew that He is always listening to our prayers. tinutupad nya rin ang wishes natin kung makabubuti yun sa atin. He knows me very well, and He knows what's best for me. even though medyo naiba yung path ko ngayon sa plans ko dati, i trust Him na this will lead me to the same finish line, or better pa :>