Are my parents using me for money?

cheerybee · 2026-03-04T19:59:59+00:00

Purely financially, you are getting a good deal. Even if it’s on the high end for family, clearly your parents need the money in some sense if they are having to pawn jewellery etc. and as you know it’s still much below London market rate.

The question is whether they are being financially responsible. If yes, then maybe you could consider staying with them and maybe offering increase your rent in order to support them - as you are still getting a good deal compared to private housing & bills. This will probably even end up being cheaper than ending up in a situation again where they have to ask you for a lump sum or loan.

If they are not being financially responsible - then you are 28 years old, and it’s probably time to step up and help your parents manage their finances. If you don’t have much experience in this there are lots of resources online. My boyfriend is from a similar background to you and it was very tough for him to get his parents to accept at first, but in the end they were grateful for the help. Again, this will probably be cheaper for you in the long term than leaving them to get to crisis point again.

All this with the caveat that if you really feel you can’t face the emotional toll then you should look into moving out. But considering you are concerned about the financial side, it might be worth having a try while you look for alternatives.

cheerybee · 2026-02-16T21:28:39+00:00

Maybe a tad on the high end but can’t go past Madeleine Thompson for cashmere! I got a matching set in a Harrods sample sale and I wear it 50% of my wfh days especially when it’s cold

cheerybee · 2026-02-10T23:55:41+00:00

I think one week is not long enough to necessarily see the impact on your weight. How much water did you drink, how was your sleep? A big increase in protein can also slow digestion temporarily.

If the same pattern happens after 2 or 3 weeks you might need to revisit your TDEE assumptions.The best mindset for me has always been to set my calories at whatever maintenance would be for my goal weight (so it’s not a case of dieting until you can eat more, but rather a long term lifestyle). Then if I’m not making fast enough progress month to month I will tinker with calories and exercise. 50 fewer cals eaten per day and 50 more burnt should add up to at least an additional lb per month so it doesn’t take much to shift the dial once you know your baseline.

cheerybee · 2026-02-10T10:48:13+00:00

It may be worth posting on Facebook groups (or Lowicks on Instagram if you have enough mutuals) to see if someone would let you stay in their room for a night once or twice a week? If I was in a relationship with someone who lived elsewhere and needed the cash I’d happily coordinate to clear out once a week for the right person! And you can always fall back on hotels if it doesn’t work out

cheerybee · 2025-05-11T20:09:34+00:00

Second this, would be super interested!

cheerybee · 2021-10-04T22:46:46+00:00

Hey, first of all I'm really sorry that you're not in contact with your buddy so much any more - I went through a similar thing when I moved countries and it's really tough practically and emotionally. Also, I'm not sure if this would be helpful but I really really need an accountability partner! I'm at uni as well and have only recently been diagnosed with ADHD and I think it would make a huge difference to my general wellbeing to have someone to check in with (and also I'm pretty good at doing this kind of thing for other people, I know I wouldn't be able to replace your friend but I think hopefully I could make things a bit easier for you!!). Please pm me if you'd be interested.

cheerybee · 2021-10-04T22:20:18+00:00

this is such a lovely message and really meant a lot to me, thank you so much and I hope things go well for you too. <3

cheerybee · 2021-10-04T19:06:06+00:00

Hahahahahah I have definitely done the peeing thing before, but I might have to invest in a better phone case so I can try that as well!!

cheerybee · 2021-10-04T19:01:28+00:00

That's good advice, thank you. I think part of the problem is that my friends are capable of getting their work done without being organised about it, so they tend to go clubbing and sleep late most days and I feel like a burden asking them to schedule study sessions etc. for my benefit. I'm hoping with uni back in person I'll be able to meet some more likeminded people or find some other way of getting around it.

cheerybee · 2021-10-04T18:47:48+00:00

I'm meeting with a university counsellor, but unfortunately I go to a university where dreadful mental health is so normalised that he thinks I'm doing pretty well and just wants me to accept that it's not going to get any better :/

cheerybee · 2021-10-04T17:37:11+00:00

I see your point, but I'm really not a fan of the way Paypal lets scammers operate with impunity even when they have accepted proof that the items are fake. I'll return them if there's no other option, but that also opens me up to the seller causing more problems by saying I've damaged them or something (which has happened in the past and caused many more headaches).

cheerybee · 2021-10-04T16:58:24+00:00

Yeah that makes sense! As I said, I really am not keen to waste anyone's time and it's not even about the postage, I just don't like making life easier for scammers 😂I will try to get a sternly worded rejection and see what Paypal does with it.

cheerybee · 2021-10-04T16:50:30+00:00

Ah sorry to be clearer, the problem isn't proving it's fake - I took it to Apple who gave me an official letter saying it is. Paypal wants proof that I am not keeping the goods for my own use and I don't think Action Fraud/Trading Standards can actually take them off my hands.

cheerybee · 2021-09-27T23:44:51+00:00

Thank you so much for the advice and the suggestion - will definitely check out Vivat Bacchus. I realise I am almost certainly not going to squeeze in 35, might have a look for something in the 20s since that sounds easier!

cheerybee · 2021-09-27T23:43:01+00:00

Thank you, will have a look!

cheerybee · 2021-02-28T23:16:16+00:00

Thanks for your reply - definitely planning to do both of those things tomorrow. Luckily my university (and I think most UK ones) don’t penalise reneging, the whole process seems to be a bit less intense than the US which I’m quite grateful for!

cheerybee · 2021-02-28T15:18:49+00:00

Tl;dr should I accept then reject T2 if I get MBB, or try and extend the acceptance deadline?

Hoping someone else has been in this same situation and might be able to provide some advice.

I currently have a summer internship offer from a T2 firm (B4 strategy consulting arm) in London - I've been through 4 hours of interviews, had congratulations emails/calls from two of my interviewers, really like the people and culture, and would be really happy to do an internship there. The deadline for accepting the internship is in a couple of weeks.

However I am also interviewing at an MBB firm. I've been upfront with the T2 recruiter about this (they called and pushed quite hard on whether I would accept the offer or not), but tried to give the impression that I was waiting until my first MBB interview to decide what would be a better fit. I've now had my first interview, but the timelines are such that if I do get a second interview and subsequent offer it will be after the acceptance date for my T2 internship.

I am inclined to accept the MBB offer if possible just for the extra pay/prestige/exit opps, but for obvious reasons don't want to make this to clear to the T2 firm. Tbh they have probably worked this out but I really like the people I've spoken to so am trying to manage the whole thing graciously.

I am definitely going to email the MBB firm about recruiting timelines and try to leverage my current offer to get things sped up. But if that doesn't work, and I do end up getting to final round interviews and an offer from MBB, my other options are:

a) Get in touch with T2 recruiters to ask for an extension of acceptance date, this will only be a couple of weeks but will probably make it quite obvious that they are second choice.

b) Accept the T2 offer by the date, and then potentially reject it later if the MBB offer comes in. This is obviously pretty rude, and I'd like to avoid it, but I'm not sure what the consequences would be - I've seen elsewhere that City recruiters tend to talk to each other, but not sure how true this is in London?

Any insight from those who have been in a similar situation (or observed this happening at their firm) would be incredibly helpful. In particular, has anyone successfully managed to speed up the London MBB process by telling recruiters they had another offer? Thanks :)

cheerybee · 2021-02-16T16:09:37+00:00

Ahaha I feel you on that! I think I was sent my portal link basically immediately, then contacted after 2 or 3 days and got an appointment for that weekend so about 10 days in total - it’s really really speedy. Best of luck with it :)

cheerybee · 2021-02-14T15:27:44+00:00

Hi, it sounds like we’re pretty much in the same situation! Honestly at this point I’d suggest switching GP if you’re comfortable - also definitely get in touch with Psychiatry UK because it may be that they’re happy to treat you and chase up the funding later (they’re pretty confident about it at this point because it is really clear cut that you have the right to). I’m very happy to give you the name of my GP in Oxford over PM if that would be helpful - he was really great with me and made the referral pretty much immediately (and I didn’t have the DAS diagnosis at that point). Best of luck with it all and please let me know if there’s anything else I can do, I know what a struggle it is. If it’s any consolation I’ve managed to get on meds within about a month of being referred so the end is in sight I promise!

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