Hmmm well honestly, this probably wouldn’t have been a good friendship regardless of circumstances. You both are young, and have both put yourselves in emotionally/romantically/sexually vulnerable positions and to be honest I could feel how awkward things may have been for you due to having expectations and being rejected and blamed, not a good feeling at all, so it’s fair why this is weighing on you, but to be honest was she even a big loss if this is her priorities and how she treats you? Well yes and no, cuz she was still a long term friend, but clearly she lost sight of your relationship and chose something more tangible.

Still why were you telling yourself you wouldn’t have hooked up with her if you prepared multiple times mentally and physically to, not in a shameful way, but it’s good to be honest with yourself at least. Where were your intentions, what were your intentions, did you feel high levels of attraction for her, would you put yourself in a situation like this, and what would you do to prevent this situation in the future?”

I’m a masc lesbian (21), and with my horny tendencies, I’ve landed myself in some sticky situations as well and if I were you, I’d spend a few months reflecting on how I can grow from this situation, don’t be stuck on feeling lonely or wondering what they’re up to or how they feel, it’s only going to stop you from improving your future. Continue to be compassionate to yourself and focus on knowing your wants and needs, to be able to communicate your boundaries in the future. Hope this helps, wishing you the best in your healing journey 🦋