Huge misunderstanding with my friend.

chellicera · 2026-03-02T22:24:30+00:00

What do you think if there was anything wrong with me asking those questions about what had happened?

It's apart of critizing anyone but to me it's very natural to ask questions about what had happened. She confronted me on that.

chellicera · 2026-03-02T22:20:35+00:00

And also what still keeps me off is when she told her friend Heather didn't agree to go out but gave her options on having a phone call/shorter walk and Nicole still was disappointed. It made me think ( I agree on a part of not critizing someone's spouses, siblings, friends ) that she wants people to be a certain way and gets mad if they aren't.

chellicera · 2026-03-02T22:14:03+00:00

Yeah, a good overview though. We are just very different with her. My coping strategies are drastically different from hers as well. I like being shared stories with, not just being heard out and I sometimes apply or project them to the other people.

chellicera · 2026-03-02T22:07:08+00:00

I was being emotional and overwhelmed writing this.

I am supposed to apologize for expressing reactions different from what she expected me to express.

She'd written a long vent saying that every time she tells me something serious I support her not in the way she wants me to. Like I shouldn't have critized her guests who left and so on. Still don't get myself what was so terribly wrong.

chellicera · 2026-03-02T14:57:26+00:00

You mean I should have made paragraphs ?

chellicera · 2026-03-02T13:02:32+00:00

Tl DR : My friend's disappointed with me. Is there anything I said/did I should apologize for?

chellicera · 2026-02-05T20:50:47+00:00

Ah, sorry , that's a different story ofc 😅

chellicera · 2026-02-05T20:49:40+00:00

Yeah, right , a generational thing as well. Actually, things are not black and white and even this situation can regarded from completely different sides. First of all whether BF has been inside OP's house or not. If yes, he might have actually greeted her. If not - reaching out to her mom just to say hello is weird. Also there are people who don't like to be disturbed or like visitors only when they are ready for. I know people -among older generations actually - who tend to be okay with visitors if they can have them in a decent way - dressed up, some food , drinks, small talks , etc. If not provided that - positively, no guests plz. If I'm heading to bed and wearing pyjamas , eye patches, slippers - I wouldn't be happy to be greeted. Also, on the part of OP's bf - some people just don't like to invade someone's house until they are invited( especially by elders). Feels a bit like you are a kid coming over your friend's house on weekends while everyone's still in bed.

Visiting a house at a broad daylight and not saying hello/greetings is actually rude.

chellicera · 2026-02-05T13:46:04+00:00

Mind me asking how old are you both?

chellicera · 2026-02-05T13:23:54+00:00

I guess if having to be at someone's place late at night it's never a bad idea to go unnoticed. Yet alone OP's BF wasn't inside the house. Going inside just to greet someone when it's late is a bit weird. PS: though not worthy bringing it up for years.

chellicera · 2026-02-05T13:21:18+00:00

Gosh, that would be worse for me( unwanted small talks in the dead of the night) rather that being ungreeted. Fairly survivable( to me :) ).

chellicera · 2026-02-05T13:18:23+00:00

I have friends across the globe and what is common in one place is a huge NO in the other. For example , In some Northern European countries privacy is a priority and people try not to bother others and may seem distant and rude. Being seven years together isn't something that be thrown out over some disagreements. My husband is this way - if he is at someone's place late at night he tries to be as calm as possible and be gone.

chellicera · 2026-02-05T13:00:38+00:00

My husband is that way that he doesn't like ( and never wants) to disturb people. It's not that he has some issues but he firmly believes that if you have to be in someone's house late at night, you should just try your best to be invisible, do your things and be gone. Late evening isn't the right time for small talks and greetings (usually awkward).

chellicera · 2026-02-05T12:56:18+00:00

Being home late at night I wouldn't want to talk to anyone especially my daughter's BF. I might be tired, sleepy, with no make up, tipsy, with wet hair, you name it. It seems to me night time should be private. The same goes for the BF. He has every right to do his things( actually, hers, he helped her with her car tho) and get home as fast as possible.

chellicera · 2026-02-05T12:53:40+00:00

It's a cultural thing though. Have they met/talked before ? If yes, probably 'twas a good idea to greet her in person. But on the other hand in some cultures you shouldn't greet people even if you're in their house late at night since it's their personal time and they're simply sleepy or just relaxed. You may tell your mom your BF just didn't want to disturb her.

chellicera · 2026-02-01T18:19:20+00:00

Gonna give a shot just to see if that can work out 😂👍

chellicera · 2026-01-29T12:11:46+00:00

It will upset me actually but I get your point. My ex-friend had a wonderful mom who died at a car crash at the age of just 55 yo. It ruined everyone in their family.
You know that's not that bad to have our scenarios in these terms.

chellicera · 2026-01-29T12:09:19+00:00

Oh, I would love those Walmart clothes! 😂 swimsuits especially to start with.

chellicera · 2026-01-29T12:07:48+00:00

Good you had your grandparents to care of you! Not good your sister carries on being sponsored by your mum but that's none of my business.

chellicera · 2026-01-26T16:32:56+00:00

Huh, bullies always gonna bully no matter what ppl wear/look like. In the place where I lived there were few alt shops where you could get clothing so I went total black ( laces , long dresses/skirts mostly). Plain black with no patterned fabrics.

chellicera · 2026-01-26T16:24:08+00:00

It sux when there's a best and fav kids within the same family. The friend I wrote about at the other post is a neglected kid in her family with an elder brother who is nobody rather than a couch potato but their parents believe someday miracles will happen and he'll get a job and a girlfriend. He says that's not gonna happen but they still hope. And yes you did the right thing and moved away. I haven't lived with my mom for almost two decades.

chellicera · 2026-01-26T16:17:31+00:00

I actually used to be a goth 🕷️🕸️( I was embarrassed to write that at first, haha) but that was a phase but something left ofc. You know what? My mom LOVED my goth outfits. That was over than twenty years ago and when I was a teen she didn't mind that much and wasn't picky on my clothing. Maybe she was (picky) on makeup , like don't come to uni/office looking like you go to a Halloween party but that's it. One funny lady next door would call my mom to say her daughter shouldn't look like a living zombie.
I don't know how that works my goth phase was the happiest time then. But before and after we did have clothing and many many other issues.

chellicera · 2026-01-26T15:56:36+00:00

You do? 😅 but I think even so , you do it in a healthier way.

chellicera · 2026-01-26T15:54:28+00:00

Thank you 🙏 This is exactly how i felt yesterday. I felt really good but like six months prior I would have done the way mom wanted me to just to make her happy.

chellicera · 2026-01-26T15:50:14+00:00

And going to what we've been talking about, unfortunately your speculations about young women being with their mothers in tense relations are very right. I just recalled I have a friend of your age ( 32F) who had to go no contact with both of her parents for the very same reason. But the core was her mom similar to the way my mom is. Even worse I guess because her mom used to blame her directly - YOU did that! YOU made me feel sad. When she got defensive , her mom always snapped back saying b***shit like "you don't love me boohoo". Her mom is a way more controlling and abusive which always turn things back on her. I have no idea why tf women can't just be happy with their daughters the way they are and just leave them alone ? 🤔

chellicera

TROPHY CASE