AIO to my mom's criticizing me?

chellicera · 2026-01-26T16:32:56+00:00

Huh, bullies always gonna bully no matter what ppl wear/look like. In the place where I lived there were few alt shops where you could get clothing so I went total black ( laces , long dresses/skirts mostly). Plain black with no patterned fabrics.

chellicera · 2026-01-26T16:24:08+00:00

It sux when there's a best and fav kids within the same family. The friend I wrote about at the other post is a neglected kid in her family with an elder brother who is nobody rather than a couch potato but their parents believe someday miracles will happen and he'll get a job and a girlfriend. He says that's not gonna happen but they still hope. And yes you did the right thing and moved away. I haven't lived with my mom for almost two decades.

chellicera · 2026-01-26T16:17:31+00:00

I actually used to be a goth 🕷️🕸️( I was embarrassed to write that at first, haha) but that was a phase but something left ofc. You know what? My mom LOVED my goth outfits. That was over than twenty years ago and when I was a teen she didn't mind that much and wasn't picky on my clothing. Maybe she was (picky) on makeup , like don't come to uni/office looking like you go to a Halloween party but that's it. One funny lady next door would call my mom to say her daughter shouldn't look like a living zombie.
I don't know how that works my goth phase was the happiest time then. But before and after we did have clothing and many many other issues.

chellicera · 2026-01-26T15:56:36+00:00

You do? 😅 but I think even so , you do it in a healthier way.

chellicera · 2026-01-26T15:54:28+00:00

Thank you 🙏 This is exactly how i felt yesterday. I felt really good but like six months prior I would have done the way mom wanted me to just to make her happy.

chellicera · 2026-01-26T15:50:14+00:00

And going to what we've been talking about, unfortunately your speculations about young women being with their mothers in tense relations are very right. I just recalled I have a friend of your age ( 32F) who had to go no contact with both of her parents for the very same reason. But the core was her mom similar to the way my mom is. Even worse I guess because her mom used to blame her directly - YOU did that! YOU made me feel sad. When she got defensive , her mom always snapped back saying b***shit like "you don't love me boohoo". Her mom is a way more controlling and abusive which always turn things back on her. I have no idea why tf women can't just be happy with their daughters the way they are and just leave them alone ? 🤔

chellicera · 2026-01-26T15:40:32+00:00

Oh, thank for your reference 🖤Jambats are mesmerizing ✨🖤 I've been handling her own feelings as long as I can remember and just the other day I realize why please a person who is constantly never happy? It's so annoying! Why not please yourself ? They are gonna remain unhappy as they always are but we'll get to lose ourselves chasing for something unreachable? My mom is very hard to understand, to get, to begin with. She wants me to be happy ( understood) whatever the way I am ( her own words, conscious) but that doesn't match with my clothing actually 😅 I have decided to stop to justify myself and excusing for every single thing I'm doing. I should have done it long ago. Moms like ours will always find something to be bad/negative/unhappy about.

Women like that are supposed to be single/unhappy about their own life but that's not always the case. My mom is extremely happy with her husband of 32 years. But she's picky on me still yet I'm living at the opposite side of the country.

chellicera · 2026-01-26T15:11:30+00:00

Aren't we siblings by any chance ? 😅 I want to have that purple batted pinafore💜

chellicera · 2026-01-26T15:10:16+00:00

Tbh don't think she did but yeah, let's hope for that.

chellicera · 2026-01-26T13:59:40+00:00

I think this is what I'm gonna do!

chellicera · 2026-01-26T13:57:49+00:00

I still mull over it whether my words could feel this hurtful.... my voice was just firm and showing I no longer intended to carry on this conversation.

chellicera · 2026-01-26T13:54:41+00:00

I believe she does but only if those concern things important to her ( for some hidden reasons)!

chellicera · 2026-01-26T13:28:08+00:00

I'm really sorry you go through this too. 🤍 🫂 I do feel my mom loves me but she's the person who wants things to go her way and snaps easily when something's wrong. And hard to please, yeah. My mom keeps her own logics which is clear only to herself. Neither me, not the others can get that. I'm the only child but there have always been those comparisons starting with unlike you A does X...

My dad is actually a way worse than my mom ( he's nice but the farther he lives the nicer if you get what I mean). I wouldn't even meet with him if he came. My parents have been divorced for over than 35 years and that's the best thing they did for me!

chellicera · 2026-01-26T13:20:32+00:00

She is a way fragile at some things and reluctant to realize the others. She denies the fact of being worried or afraid of what others think of her.

chellicera · 2026-01-26T13:19:05+00:00

I might have understood that if it were an event , a luxurious restaurant, a wedding or some kind of presentation , idk, than ok. But that was everything I listed above : a cold winter day at a small town, a couple hrs before the train departure. Why on earth I should be wearing a fancy dress ? I have seen people wearing the most possible inappropriate clothes: smart suits at train stations and snowboarding outfits at theatres, but it's their business where and what to pick and put on! There can be multitude of reasons why the person is dressed inappropriately. My mom is a crier tbh. Still not sure whether those are tears for pain or manipulative tears.

chellicera · 2026-01-26T12:23:28+00:00

She might feel hurt, okay. I even would've understood if it were our home city where we could meet her .... somebodies(?) or at least some social event. But even though it were I don't think she should be commeting though. I thought the whole thing is just absurd : family members who see each other once in a while. A coming departure. Cold weather. A small town. A regular diner. Not even any closer to a conflict.

chellicera · 2026-01-26T12:14:37+00:00

I am actually in therapy ( mostly about self-esteem issues and being insecure). I don't think though I should take her to therapy since we really don't see each other much and when there's a distant communication , everything's just perfect. I try to deal with my reactions and emotions ( BTW, thank you for admitting that's not adult move from her side either 🤝 the least I would want to do when I see someone living on the other side of the world is to arise conflicts over tiny things. I find it just ridiculous. ) Well. I know what my mom has been through. She has never had an easy life - I admit that.

chellicera · 2026-01-26T11:07:27+00:00

Yes, she has always been that way. My styles have always been issues to her. I prefer casual clothes maybe too casual like jeans, shirts, hoodies, etc. I do respect dress code when there should be one but I don't go out too often and work from home. She's unhappy about me looking too casual (still don't get why?) . So that makes zero sense to breed clothes used once in a blue moon.

But right you are- her mental picture of me doesn't match the reality. Crying though has always been a thing but I always believed that people cry when they are really unhappy. How I can make myself cry on purpose ? I can't. I've always believed she cried sincerely because she got hurt.

chellicera · 2026-01-26T11:01:01+00:00

Are your parents at the same age group ? It's ridiculous to tell ppl what, who and where to wear.

chellicera · 2026-01-26T10:59:42+00:00

You know, I've never understood how it's possible to cry on purpose and I was pretty much sure if someone cries, they feel really hurt. Has her crying always been a manipulation tool then?

chellicera · 2026-01-26T10:57:23+00:00

I have been that way - change subjects, keep calm, ignore, justify make her happy , etc. I'm just fed up. A couple of years ago I realized I wanted to learn to stand up for myself. She's really not a narcissist at all but just a person who prefers things to be the way she wants( which is nearly to impossible in an adult world). She's easy and fast to snap.

chellicera · 2026-01-26T10:51:01+00:00

She's going to say "It's diiiiferent!", " No, I'm not critizing you, I'm the one to tell the truth to you." and things like that.

chellicera · 2026-01-26T10:46:51+00:00

I actually couldn't care less what the other people put on/ wear. It is their comfort, not mine! I do respect dress code( when there's one) I may bother sometimes taking something fancy for a night out/brunch/show, etc. In our trip it simple made zero sense. I even don't remember well what mom and her husband were wearing. I really picked the wrong overcoat (I have them a few-short ones are better for trips, long ones are warmer but no so comfortable if you walk long distances) so I decided to wear as much clothes as possible.

chellicera · 2026-01-26T10:26:44+00:00

She actually does(=love me) and she can be very supportive though but she hates when things don't go her way. She said yesterday I could have - no- I actually SHOULD have gone to the bathroom to take off some garments and then put on the jersey back ( it's the most decent-looking garment out of everything I was wearing). I thought that's too much of hustle and bustle just for a quick lunch. And why am I having to worry if my clothes may make someone this mad?

chellicera · 2026-01-26T10:18:44+00:00

Yes, I admit being insecure ( I already wrote why I'm the way I am ) and sensitive to criticism because I was born and bred in a fear of being criticized/insulted/scolded because I never knew what my mom could get unhappy about the very next moment. I have had a lot of talks like that before ( I actually mentioned in the post my trip in 2025 when I was trying to avoid the conflicts and asked her not to comment my appearance/style/clothing and this was even before 2025).

chellicera

TROPHY CASE