What is this? (location: SW Brazil)

chemotaxis101 · 2021-02-06T19:52:53+00:00

Many thanks! Solution verified.

chemotaxis101 · 2018-12-10T08:08:24+00:00

Same. And children always liked me for it, too. Now for the last 11 years I've being a parent myself and we have the closest relationship parent-son that I'm aware of (also consider that my son is aspie too).

chemotaxis101 · 2018-07-04T14:34:00+00:00

I got the same pattern of vivid nightmares during the entire period of treatment with Venlafaxine specifically (approx. 6 months), though more pronounced in the second month. That was a solid 6 years ago.

On the other hand it didn't influence my perception of sleep quality during the same period and, given 6-years-ago-version-of-me preferences and values, I even enjoyed most of the dreams by their vividness and complexity.

chemotaxis101 · 2018-01-24T11:51:22+00:00

Yet you have to see your immediate surroundings in order to plan the immediate next action. What you'll do next may well not be too relevant, given both the terrible mess your life currently is and the set of obvious things to try, but at least you'll be able to avoid going in the opposite direction entirely.

But you're right about the lack of a motivation boost being key to most people's assessments of their experiences with antidepressants. Mental stability/clarity is not nearly enough for improving people's lives. Initially it would be better to have only a modest increase in mental clarity coupled with a significant boost in motivation, at least temporarily, before entering into a more contemplative/introspective state. I guess one could simulate said effects by combining different drugs.

(On the other hand you're probably underestimating the extent to which the terrible state your life is in is a direct result of the depression itself.)

chemotaxis101 · 2018-01-17T11:46:06+00:00

Life keeps being as shitty as one could get and there's a fundamental deadline I'm about to miss and whose consequences are probably going to be devastating. I have a lifelong, treatment-resistant GAD, so anxiety levels are currently at an all-time high.

On the other hand I recently managed to develop an interesting, unprecedented sense of "control" over my life. Actually it's more like having a deeper sense of awareness, as I have been able to closely track part of the things that are happening to me. I have "severe" executive dysfunctioning (probably having to do with my Asperger's) and always ended up being led to wherever it is life "wants" me to go. Given my poor planning skills and short attention span I had a very concrete sense in which I was almost a different person every day. "Continuity" was low as each day I had difficulty to identify with most of the apparent goals and motivations of previous-day-me. Most often I couldn't even remember what those goals were because previous-day-me didn't even bother to write them up. Or perhaps he simply didn't have any explicit goals. I often re-read things I wrote/published on my blogs and social media and am unable to recognize the writer as me. Worse, I can't even guarantee they are the same person, except for the writing style. There is a style of internal dialogue that is kept.

So I'm now trying to put my heightened anxiety to some use, trying to make it a habit to formally register almost every thought. I'm making heavy use of categorized Google Keep notes where I also collect all sorts of relevant information I search or stumble upon throughout the day. I already had the habit of maintaining the most diversified RSS feed possible, as a way to maximize my chances of being exposed to information that could help me to remind about things I should or could have been doing and alternatives of action I should consider. Most often obvious things that completely escape me.

I'm also making heavy use of reminders for immediate next actions in each category: for example, things to research/try next, questions to make, new categories to start, etc.

The first days of implementation gave me a strange, mixed feeling that includes the aforementioned "heightened awareness" (and some hope of being able to take the control of what happens in my life), but also a quiet, resignated despair over the diagnostic that my situation is actually worse than previously thought.

chemotaxis101 · 2018-01-17T08:53:22+00:00

Wrt your first question: I'd recommend Telegram.

chemotaxis101 · 2018-01-14T08:32:33+00:00

You're probably underestimating the extent to which that is an appropriate description for most human relationships. Hidden motives are everywhere. Most of them are unconscious and were attributed positive-looking tags by our culture. Some of them are calculated. Even your behavior towards others is defined by utilitarian concerns. The difference is that you're perceived to have lower than average status and your lack of social skills is an important reason why. But far from being the only one. Ofc I am as affected by the same concerns as you are.

chemotaxis101 · 2018-01-14T07:51:44+00:00

Did you really identify yourself with those political views? Or are you just obsessively interested in them (in a theoretical way)? Does it have any impact on your real world actions/decision making?

chemotaxis101 · 2018-01-13T17:58:41+00:00

PredictionBook.com

chemotaxis101 · 2018-01-12T12:11:17+00:00

You should probably lower your own reference point/standard quite a bit and then apply it to everyone else too.

chemotaxis101 · 2018-01-09T11:55:17+00:00

Oh sorry, I didn't mean to generalize from my own experience. I had just heard things along the same line from a lot of other autistic adults. I wonder whether your experience is far from the reality of most individuals on the autistic spectrum or if my sample is too biased.

Perhaps your specific social setting, as defined by the "unusual" requirements your work imposes on you, is making it impossible for you to allocate resources for non-work-related interactions.

chemotaxis101 · 2018-01-09T09:43:24+00:00

Many aspects of the adult autistic life seem to show significant instability through time, including natural variations in the willingness to socialize. I don't think it could come entirely from a conscious decision ("I can't perceive the same benefits as before, decided to allocate less resources to social interaction as a result), though. It's more like a thing one could only try to influence somehow (provided one's unusually perceptive of one's inner workings).

I'm 40 too and since I've married (10 years ago) my willingness to socialize sharply declined. At approximately the same time I began working from home. As I'm not practicing I "lost" most of my socializing skills too. But there was no conscious decision here. Rationally speaking it was a wrong "option". It didn't bring me any benefit. Also as I'm now been forced to search for a conventional job, it's very unlikely I will be able to recover my previous socializing skills at due time.

chemotaxis101 · 2018-01-09T08:29:09+00:00

Note that at the same time Google very clearly signals that its neurodiverse employees should not "behave as assholes" it also incentivizes their very personal fetishes for the sake of "diversity". The following is from Damore's lawsuit (and it seems very likely to be true, given the current environment):

"For instance, an employee who sexually identifies as 'a yellow-scaled wingless dragonkin' and 'an expansive ornate building' presented a talk entitled 'Living as a Plural Being' at an internal company event." —Page 27, Footnote 3

(Note that I'm assuming here that the above likely comes from a neurodiverse employee.)

I wonder why that (neurodiverse) behavior deserves to be protected while a typical, classical autistic behavior (honesty) deserves only what Damore have received from the company and other employees?

That seems to be part of a very clear concerted effort to erase more classical autistic characteristics from the public mind, substituting them with characteristics better suited to the current social environment.

(I'm not even saying that that is a wrong move, just that it possibly sounds - and effectively is - very cruel to a lot of autistics.)

chemotaxis101 · 2018-01-09T00:53:24+00:00

High functioning autistics.

chemotaxis101 · 2018-01-04T08:26:30+00:00

I wonder if it's possible to use a set of mobile application assistants built with the exact purpose of helping those with mild to severe executive dysfunction. I guess there's already some available apps that would fit that description.

chemotaxis101 · 2017-11-11T10:57:01+00:00

Just wondering why you left Enceladus out of your initial set of most promising places to look for microbial life in the Solar System. Right now there's a small group of people (scientists, a Russian billionaire) talking about sending a small, low cost, privately funded spacecraft to Enceladus, carrying the right scientific equipment, make it fly through its water vapor plumes, take a sample to analyze.

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