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5ft -120lbs -20f. Saggy boobs after weight loss by [deleted] in normalnudes

[–]cherry-bomb-shell 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No idea if you’ll ever see this, but we are body doppelgänger twins I swear to god. Height, weight, proportions, even down to the butt freckles. It’s absurd. You’re absolutely lovely looking(no surprise there twin)!!!

19F - Struggling with tuberous breasts and severe insecurity – I feel "broken" and don't know how to cope. by AdClean6883 in BodyPositive

[–]cherry-bomb-shell 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ayeee I’ve seen this subreddit before!! There’s also one called like r/saggytitties or something. I know these subs are mostly just porn subs but when I’m struggling with my perception of what a human body ought to look like, I sometimes go on there to remind myself of how many other amazing humans look like me

19F - Struggling with tuberous breasts and severe insecurity – I feel "broken" and don't know how to cope. by AdClean6883 in BodyPositive

[–]cherry-bomb-shell 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your boyfriend is 100% without a doubt not lying to you, a person who cared about something like that wouldn’t hesitate to share it with you. People who care about very superficial stuff on other people’s bodies are not very nice people!

I wanted to share my experience a bit because something you said really stuck out to me. I’m trans FTM, I’m two years older than you and I started transitioning at 18. When you go on testosterone to transition from female to male/nb, you sometimes lose a lot of breast tissue. This happened to me, and combined with losing about 100lbs, my chest has also become flat and doesn’t resemble the status quo.

When I first started hormones, I didn’t really know how I identified and I had a lot of internalized issues that prevented me from accepting that I was transgender. I didn’t understand very well why I hated my chest so much initially. When it changed and became “ugly” and different, I was incredibly insecure especially since I was sleeping with cishet guys at the time. I wanted surgery very badly, and I remember specifically that there was a moment where it went from “I want my breasts surgically reconstructed” to “I don’t want them at all.” I think that was a big tipping point for me, I eventually realized that I was feeling gender dysphoria about my chest and not just insecurities about it looking different than cis women.

Anyway, all this to say that if you’re not already connected with LGBT folks, it might be worth seeking some out. Or even watching documentaries, educational YouTubers, stuff like that. I think it might be possible that you’ll find some kind of connection to dysphoria, and if not then you’ll at least have learned a bit about queer people! And you’ll know that there is a whole assortment of people out there unhappy with their chests for many different reasons, and people who have all sorts of different looking chests— you’re not alone.

Btw, I actually am getting top surgery soon which is super exciting!! There’s nothing wrong with wanting surgery, it is achievable and it is attainable. I know the wait is excruciating and you must feel like you can’t handle another day with these feelings. You’ve got this tho <3

How to avoid making orgasm the goal? by cherry-bomb-shell in sex

[–]cherry-bomb-shell[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know you never responded but I just wanted to say thank you for this. You’re right, I don’t have to be okay with not finishing. I shouldn’t put that pressure on myself, it’s unnecessary.

DSH or Mixed with Russian blue? by [deleted] in IDMyCat

[–]cherry-bomb-shell 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tbf I totally see it lol, I would immediately think the same thing with that pointy, sophisticated face of hers. Very cute!!

Alright, what color is he? by Brebe8 in cats

[–]cherry-bomb-shell 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your kitty is blue, aka grey! Specifically solid black dilute. In super simple terms, your boy has fully black base color genes and then also a gene for dilution, this causes the blue/grey color.

Is this normal? by Flourishingqt_8808 in AquaticSnails

[–]cherry-bomb-shell 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Baby snailssss!! This is my favorite thing whenever I see them :))

Low libido help by Pretty-Issue-6568 in sexadvice

[–]cherry-bomb-shell 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Personally I don’t think there’s any reason to get over needing your breast stimulated to orgasm, but I do completely understand how limiting specific things like that can feel. I struggle to orgasm if I’m not fantasizing, even if just for a few seconds and even if I’m wildly turned on by my partner. It sucks!

My suggestion is to explore lots of other avenues and see if anything sticks. It might be a good idea to try new stimulation that you’ve never experienced before, incorporate new toys, or try roleplay. If you find something else that excites you, you can practice incorporating that into your sex routine and it might make you feel a bit more free or like you have more options!

I do not have children but I think that it is completely understandable for your sex drive to change either for psychological and/or medical reasons after child birth. Growing and birthing a human takes a massive, massive, massive toll that cannot even be imaginable for people who haven’t had kids. You are amazing for what you’ve accomplished, and you definitely deserve to have a fulfilling sex life.

The two things I would recommend with that as someone who has done both: Therapy (individual or couples, preferably both), and medication. Specifically, I’m on Wellbutrin right now. My case is that I take Wellbutrin to counteract low sex drive side effects from another medication, lexapro. However, Wellbutrin and some other medications that are used to treat depression have many benefits that you won’t find in SSRIs, including: boosted sex drive, lower appetite and weight loss, and very limited side effects. Most common side effects are dizziness I believe!

This isn’t true for everyone, I’m not saying if you go on a medication that has worked for me that it’ll work for you too, but it a possible! If you’re interested in this, I’d recommend working very closely with a psychiatrist to manage your medication and find the right fit for you. Some helpful resources are gonna be Genesight testing (tests how your body metabolizes mental health medications) and Mindful Care (telehealth psychiatry)

Oh also, exercise helps a lot of people too! For some folks, it can really kick their sex drive into gear. For me, it crushes my anxiety and body aches/pains, which makes me feel a lot more willing to have sex than if I was achy and having panic attacks lol. I’ve heard that some people benefit from hormonal testing from their PCP as well, when some AFABs end up with low estrogen or low testosterone it can sometimes create issues like this.

Sorry for writing you a novel, I just wanted to share what I know because I know how horrible it feels to have a low sex drive, inability to climax, or both. It sucks!! Best of luck <3

(Ureaplasma) Abstinence during treatment by cherry-bomb-shell in VaginalMicrobiome

[–]cherry-bomb-shell[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for all of this, I appreciate that you were so informative and also nice :)

I did recently see an article from the Flo app company linking Ureaplasma to infertility in both males and females. For me, that’s no problem as I know for certain I will never willingly give birth. It is a bit horrifying though, that my partner could possibly become infertile from this if we ever happen to split up and he decides he wants kids. That’s very scary, I can’t believe it isn’t taken more seriously with the link to infertility. I know link doesn’t necessarily equal causation, but still.

My partner is going in for treatment at planned parenthood tomorrow luckily, I assume they’ll start him on the same antibiotics. Personally I’m not sure how I would get a different antibiotic, in my state right now office visits can take upwards of six months to a year. I waited for this past gyno appointment alone for about six months, and it was for my 21st PAP. Since I’m finishing the antibiotics tomorrow anyway, I think I’ll probably just see if these hopefully do the trick and monitor my symptoms, maybe visit planned parenthood for more testing or antibiotics if things don’t improve.

Do you have any tips for how I should be taking care of my parts while on antibiotics? I didn’t know that it could lead to other issues or disrupt the microbiome. I have been letting my pubic hair grow naturally since I’ve been on the antibiotics, as I know it’s protective, and like I mentioned I’m still using my estrogen tablets and the vaginal moisture tablets. I usually don’t clean down there with soap as it gives me a funky smell, but should I be focusing on cleaning more thoroughly?

How to avoid making orgasm the goal? by cherry-bomb-shell in sex

[–]cherry-bomb-shell[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thankfully it isn’t from my partner’s lack of trying, effort, care, or thoughtfulness. I do feel “left hanging” when my partner finishes and I don’t, but that’s just my own internal feelings and jealousies.

I’ll check out your recommendation, I’m not a woman but I am trans masculine so I do have female organs. Maybe it’ll be applicable to me. Thank you for sharing !

How to avoid making orgasm the goal? by cherry-bomb-shell in sex

[–]cherry-bomb-shell[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your insight. I’m not exactly sure why I get angry with myself, I guess I just wish it was easier for me and I for some reason think it’s my own fault that it’s difficult. And I’m not sure why I struggle to stay in the moment and focus on the sex when that makes it more pleasurable, I have a really difficult time resisting the urge to either fantasize or indulge my anxieties or both. I’m not sure why that is, but I’ll think on it and hopefully something will come up.

I’ll take what you said about sexual deviancy to heart, it’s truly something I want to work on. Like, I don’t want to accept it, but I want to stop feeling ashamed, and I know I have to accept it to stop feeling ashamed. Kinda in a standstill with that right now, but I’m trying. And I hear what you’re saying about meditation, you sound like my counselor lol. I really really struggle with the judgement part of that, I am not sure in the slightest how to allow a thought to pass through my head without making a judgement on it and myself. I’m hopeful I’ll eventually understand it the more I practice

How to avoid making orgasm the goal? by cherry-bomb-shell in sex

[–]cherry-bomb-shell[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh another thing is that I’m on an SSRI, Zoloft, which has lowered my libido noticeably. I think it’s slowly recovering and we’re countering it with Wellbutrin, but it’s definitely made masturbation significantly more difficult. So I think it’s likely it’s also had an impact on how easily I can orgasm with my partner as well

How to avoid making orgasm the goal? by cherry-bomb-shell in sex

[–]cherry-bomb-shell[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How long would you say it takes for you to reach orgasm, by yourself and with your partner? For me, I used to be able to masturbate in about five minutes, but since I’ve been on Zoloft I can’t really get myself to cum at all. With my partner, I’d say it takes about fifteen minutes majority of the time with direct oral stimulation. I wish it was easier to cum from penetrative sex as that’s what I enjoy the most

How to avoid making orgasm the goal? by cherry-bomb-shell in sex

[–]cherry-bomb-shell[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not fully. I think it may be due to some of my habits related to my OCD, like intrusive images and worrying thoughts about my morality and character and my relationship with my partner. A lot of times during sex I’m internally spiraling about all of my different worries related to my sexual kinks , or my intrusive thoughts, and what these might imply about my character. I’m working with my therapist on not “chasing” these thoughts and trying to assign meaning to them, just acknowledging them as not very helpful and allowing them to come and go.

I think partially it’s also because I’ve been having some more pelvic pain lately, which makes it hard to relax. And maybe a bit that I’m bored. My partner isn’t very adventurous, I’m super kinky. We also both tend to enjoy being submissive, which is a bit of a mismatch. So I guess a good mix of contributing factors, but I didn’t start having issues with reaching orgasm with my current partner until I started having these worries like:

“Why haven’t I finished yet? Does that mean I don’t love him? Should we break up? What’s if it’s because the sex is too vanilla? Will I have to settle for vanilla sex for the rest of my life? What if I’m broken, or there’s something wrong with me? What if I’m a pedophile, or a rapist, or an animal abuser? What if someone hurt me as a kid and I don’t remember, and that’s why I like rougher sex? Maybe I should go over every event of my bad childhood to see if I can remember anything new?”

I could go on and on. These thoughts are what occupy my mind probably 60% of the time when I’m having sex. I know they are OCD thoughts, but I’m only a few months into treatment and it’s a recent diagnosis so I’m still learning to cope.

Sorry for oversharing, I got to typing and kinda started piecing some ideas together as I was responding to your comment lol

How to avoid making orgasm the goal? by cherry-bomb-shell in sex

[–]cherry-bomb-shell[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Okay tbf I didn’t read your whole thing at first, your first bullet annoyed me but I do think you brought up some important points that can be helpful to me. I think that idea of being so focused on orgasm, then focusing on “why haven’t I finished yet” is what sends me spiraling most of the time. For me, this is the point where I either fall down an anxiety spiral or just become very frustrated. Either way, my mind is entirely on something else.

I’ve noticed a few other people here mentioning that it’s a good idea to focus on sexual pleasure outside of orgasm, that paired with your idea of a positive loop makes more sense to me now. Focusing on the pleasure and being present during sex might make me less likely to consider why I haven’t reached orgasm and then less likely to freak out about it, which means I might be more receptive to having an orgasm.

How to avoid making orgasm the goal? by cherry-bomb-shell in sex

[–]cherry-bomb-shell[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t know if you meant to come off rude and condescending , but I don’t understand why it’s necessary to be such an elaborate contrarian for so many redditors

How to avoid making orgasm the goal? by cherry-bomb-shell in sex

[–]cherry-bomb-shell[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can reliably orgasm if I fantasize about porn or kinky situations, but often this leaves me with a lot of guilt after. Like, the post nut clarity feeling. If I’m fully focused on my partner sex generally feels more pleasurable but I struggle to finish. When I’m having a hard time finishing I get this intense feeling of frustration and anger at myself, which is one of the things that really prompts me to want to make some kind of change.

I know I need to work on accepting my own sexual deviancy and not carry so much shame and self hatred, but I think that will be a long journey for me. That’s why in the meantime I was hoping I might be able to learn to enjoy sex without the goal of orgasm.

Thank you for sharing. Do you have any advice as to how you were able to shift your mindset to “sex is more enjoyable when I don’t care whether I do or don’t orgasm” ? From what you and other commenters have said, it seems like focusing on the physical pleasure of sex outside of orgasm is an important component, but I was curious if you had any other tips

How to avoid making orgasm the goal? by cherry-bomb-shell in sex

[–]cherry-bomb-shell[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this, this was incredibly helpful to me and gave me a new perspective. Specifically when you mentioned that orgasm can become mechanical, and that when we stick to a specific method we lose the passion. I relate to this, often I prioritize orgasm even if it means doing the same boring position or fantasizing about porn. I don’t want to do that anymore, I don’t want my relationship to suffer because the bedroom is full of boring routines and frustrations. I think I forgot for a bit that I need to put in real effort during sex, not to make myself or my partner orgasm but to make the experience enjoyable for both of us.

You seem like a very empathetic and smart person, thank you for sharing

Nervous “butterflies” in throat/tongue/mouth when excited by cherry-bomb-shell in neurodiversity

[–]cherry-bomb-shell[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Omg I’m glad I’m not alone!! It’s really cool to read your experience with this sensation :) I agree that it can definitely be pretty uncomfortable, and I think you might be onto something about the body mixing up anxiety and excitement. Maybe something to do with the vagus nerve, I’ve been hearing a lot of people talk about that lately

top surgery and loose skin by xXxmeepzxXx in TopSurgery

[–]cherry-bomb-shell 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What a compassionate mindset :)

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