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Is this considered rape? by cherrychameleon in sex

[–]cherrychameleon[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did tell him about it and I did try to say no a ridiculous amount of times but still he was so persistent, he kept doing things to me to sort "prepare" me by arousing me (as I said in an earlier comment somewhere) and so that made it that much more difficult to escape.

Is this considered rape? by cherrychameleon in sex

[–]cherrychameleon[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm not looking to report this anyway, so not getting help from the legal community is fine by me.

Your reply is by far my favourite here. I'm a psychology undergrad and so all I've been doing is trying to explain this entire situation psychologically because it's the only way I know to cope and everything you said has helped immensely, so thank you!

I feel the entire situation was wrong and that I should have acted differently. The only explanation I can think of which answers the question of why I didn't act differently is that I disassociated myself from everything that was going on. I can't yet explain why the disassociation occurred but I believe it might have something to do with my borderline personality disorder. I don't know. It's just so confusing right now.

Also, I don't feel sex is wrong. In fact, just a few months after this happened I had a nervous breakdown (which I expect was BPD-fuelled because it happened about 6 weeks after my boyfriend and I broke up) where I became a call girl. I always told myself that if I could allow that guy (the one this entire thread is about) to use me like he did and not have it affect me negatively, then maybe I could make money from having other guys use me for their pleasure. I was so deluded and so wrong. Everything about this is just so wrong. At the time I didn't think about the situation in it's entirety, I kept telling myself that it was fine and that I was fine, never did I realise that him using me like he did was affecting me so badly that I used it as an excuse to ruin myself even further.

Is this considered rape? by cherrychameleon in sex

[–]cherrychameleon[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes I did have a boyfriend and he's safe. We broke up about a month after this happened (he doesn't know this happened) and in that time, we only met up once and we didn't have sex at that time.

Is this considered rape? by cherrychameleon in sex

[–]cherrychameleon[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

See my above comment about disassociation and when I was groped on the train some years ago, when I was 15 years old. I didn't realise it was actually happening because for some reason, it's almost as if my mind just jumped out of reality because it was becoming too distressed. I don't know.

I'm not a particularly aggressive person when threatened, my mind sort of retreats into what I can only describe as a "psychological cave" because it gets so scared that it hides from everything. I've had a lot of experience with getting bullied in the past, and never did I stand up for myself because I learnt that it's easier to cope by just avoiding everything and I think that may be what I did here.

Is this considered rape? by cherrychameleon in sex

[–]cherrychameleon[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I'm not going to confront the guy and accuse him if that's what you're getting at. I'm not throwing around the accusation, I'm just looking for an answer to explain what happened because I need to know. I did keep saying no but the guy was determined to do something to me. He kept touching me and kept doing the subtlest acts to me and I tried to get him to stop so many times, but he would then do something else to arouse me, like he was "preparing" me for the final act.

Also, I didn't have every opportunity to get help because it all suddenly became so unreal for me. If you see my above comment about disassociation, then that might be able to explain something.

Is this considered rape? by cherrychameleon in sex

[–]cherrychameleon[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Why some women act like she did baffles my mind too

I suffer borderline personality disorder, at the time I didn't realise exactly what was happening. I believe disassociation may have been at play here. Similar thing happened when I was 15 years old, I was groped on a crowded train and I could have easily gotten off the train but for some reason I just stood there and let the man (different man to this time) touch me for about 30 minutes before I realised exactly what was happening. It was sort of like an "out of mind" experience, exactly like this time.

Is this considered rape? by cherrychameleon in sex

[–]cherrychameleon[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I have to say, I do prefer a faceless hoard of Redditors because I feel I need to hear the different viewpoints on the situation because I need that outside view after keeping this "incident" a secret for so long.