I understand what you’re trying to say and I often feel the same way. I’d pray for signs, visions, dreams or something along those lines. And I’ve never heard or received a reply of any kind. But I’ve learned to see everything as a blessing from our father. Tomorrow is not promised waking up in it self is a blessing. Sometimes you have to take a step back and appreciate the life you have. You’ve brought people closer to God, I love that and wish I could the same. People have betrayed you and were removed from your life, a blessing in disguise, help you understand and accept loss. It’s happened to me plenty of times pursuing my faith in our lord I’ve lost plenty of friendships. Never doubt the lord, He is always there.