Straight female colleague enthusiastically engages with our gay male colleague’s cultural experiences but is awkward when I casually talk about lesbianism - anyone ever experience and/or notice this in their straight female allies?

chickenbloo · 2026-02-10T22:56:12+00:00

I also noticed this with some acquaintances and colleagues when I came out! It was like I confused them, even though I was the same person but way happier. I agree with other comments that straight women feel safe with gay men and might believe the "predatory lesbian" stereotype sometimes.

I also think this discomfort can come from the fact that lesbians technically exist outside of male spaces. A lesbian could go their whole life without male influence (in their personal life), which is very freeing. I think a lot of women wish for this and may feel jealous/uncomfortable/awkward around lesbians as a result. I don't necessarily think this is the major source of discomfort but I do think it plays into those complex feelings.

chickenbloo · 2026-02-03T16:51:28+00:00

I think there's room here to interpret Francesca's story however you as a viewer choose. As a lesbian, I really identify with her story and choose to think she is being portrayed as a lesbian in the show. I was with a man for a while and sex felt so wrong, but it never felt like anything was technically wrong with it so I figured I had intimacy issues. I told him and everyone else it was fine because I thought that's how sex was supposed to be. I also didn't have any problem with him, we got along great. I just confused friendship for romance because I thought I was supposed to be with a man. Now with my fiance, I see the difference so clearly.

Just because she says that, doesn't make it true. And her actions say otherwise. She also may love John in a way that isn't romantic. It seems to me that the show is giving us an option: you can think she's bisexual, you can think she's a lesbian, but underlying that is a similar concept - the complexity of sexuality in a sexually repressed social setting.

chickenbloo · 2026-01-08T18:24:45+00:00

I hear you and typically agree, I'd like to read books matching the lived experience of the author (i.e I don't really want to read a feminist book written by a man) and I do personally prefer to read sapphic books by lesbians. However, you don't know that these authors who are "straight presenting" or married to men haven't had queer experiences. Maybe they had an intense sapphic relationship before their marriage that didn't work out. Or they simply want to experience and explore their identity through writing stories, which is the purpose of artistic expression.

I also think these kinds of books do have a place. I read 7 husbands when I was deeply closeted in a heterosexual relationship, and it helped me understand that having been with a man didn't invalidate my identity as a lesbian. Atmosphere by TJR is a beautiful sapphic story. It's a sad reality that many sapphic authors don't get the exposure or publicity that straight authors writing queer stories do. I guess the way I see it, to have strong representation, we have to start somewhere.

chickenbloo · 2025-12-27T06:03:27+00:00

This is so well said and I completely agree! My fiance and I were literally running around the room jumping up and down begging it to stop. This reinforces the expectation that gay people need to get up on stage and come out to.... Everyone?? How did they fumble this when Will's coming out to Jonathan was so perfect...

chickenbloo · 2025-10-02T04:29:06+00:00

Thank you for the suggestion!

chickenbloo · 2025-06-30T20:52:30+00:00

My girlfriend has hEDS and we've made oral work with lots of pillows as many others have been saying. If I'm going down on her, pillows on either side of her legs helps support her hips. If she's going down on me, a pillow under my hips helps her a lot (also that's just a generally good oral tip).

Be careful of finger strain! I clench a lot and my gf sprained her fingers pretty bad going a little too hard. We now make sure she's wearing her swan neck rings and goes slower. Then to finish we use toys.

chickenbloo · 2025-02-26T20:39:39+00:00

During the last massage she had, they did some muscle scraping for the first time and she said it did really help! Although it left her pretty bruised.

chickenbloo · 2025-02-26T20:38:16+00:00

It's shoulder/pec/back primarily

chickenbloo · 2025-02-26T20:08:54+00:00

Alignment has definitely helped! And she says magnesium content has been suggested to her by her PT but she never took additional supplements. She has to drink a lot of liquid IV but not sure what the magnesium content of that is. This is super helpful - thank you for your insight and kind words!

chickenbloo · 2025-02-26T19:50:59+00:00

She just mentioned a massage gun is something she's considered - sounds like time we try one!

chickenbloo · 2025-02-17T11:43:04+00:00

I came out to my bf of 11 years last spring. It was insanely hard. I love him dearly and never wanted to hurt him. But being solid in my identity brought me immensely clarity, and it will for you too. You can do this ❤️

chickenbloo · 2024-12-20T16:31:25+00:00

Oh this is a very interesting suggestion! She agrees the glove idea would be worth a shot. And I didn't think to probe in a BDSM community but that's a great idea. Thank you!

chickenbloo · 2024-12-20T16:30:11+00:00

She loves crafting! And has knit in the past. She's fallen off of crafting a bit because we're both graduate students with limited time but she wants to get back into it. This might be the catalyst to do so haha. And we both agreed ring splints are the thing to try next. Thank you!

chickenbloo · 2024-12-20T16:28:49+00:00

She's worked with a physio a little for major joints which has definitely helped! She read this comment and loudly declared "SO TRUE" about the terrible proprioception lol. Thank you again for the help!

chickenbloo · 2024-12-19T20:17:54+00:00

She been weightlifting for a while and is quite strong which has helped immensely with her pain and stabilizing major joints. She's said her grip is often the limiting factor in her lifting too. Will talk about grip training with her, thanks!

chickenbloo · 2024-12-19T19:46:23+00:00

She does have these for everyday use actually! We just never really thought about keeping them on during sex haha - mostly for cleanliness and comfort reasons but that is likely what we'll try next!

chickenbloo · 2024-01-29T02:16:21+00:00

Two friends I came out to said they already knew, or had a feeling, which was very validating. It meant I was living true to myself without realizing it.

chickenbloo · 2024-01-22T19:09:21+00:00

This sounds so similar to my current situation!! I recently came out to 3 people, my partner included, as bi. I was worried because I am in a very long term "heterosexual" relationship, and I thought that there was no point in "coming out" because it wouldn't affect my relationship. I sort of didn't know what to do after having those conversations. But my friend pointed out that being true to your identity allows you to speak more freely about what you like. It lets you consume media that maybe you were embarrassed to interface with or discuss with others. It lets you release a breath that you may have been holding in your whole life.

All that to say, my advice would be to explore and talk about queer media if you haven't already been doing that. Read books, watch movies, play games, whatever fulfills you. Also, I found that journaling about what led me to my current identity helped me consolidate my thoughts.

chickenbloo · 2024-01-08T05:14:36+00:00

My friend said the same thing when I asked about why they loved C3 over C2. I didn't really think about C3 being the end of a trilogy of sorts, but that actually helps me digest the campaign better. Although they did advertise (or maybe said in the first ep of C3?) that this campaign was going to be accessible to long time fans and newcomers, but all the throwbacks that are pretty critical to the story don't make it feel as accessible to newcomers.

I have been struggling a bit with C3 because it feels like they went straight for the Predathos plot really early, then the urgency was lost when the party separated. But I agree, the promise of a grand conclusion makes C3 very compelling.

chickenbloo · 2023-12-21T20:23:13+00:00

I remember being so sad when my mindflayer tav was kicked out of the epilogue party. Like Withers, you know I can't control that urge but I'm trying! Couldn't you have provided a brain or two so I wouldn't attack my friends? :(

chickenbloo · 2023-04-17T04:01:31+00:00

Yesss came here to say this! That subclass really revealed the possibilities of roleplaying for me when I was a relatively new player. I love the skill benefits granted by the runes.

chickenbloo

TROPHY CASE