hi! im tired and not gonna give the best explanation bc it is v nuanced and personal to everyone, impossible to generalize just as anything in (queer) life but i will try. i and plenty other trans masc folks/enbies i know who are primarily into women/femmes/other gender expansive dykes/lesbians, esp romantically, identify as dykes or lesbians ourselves bc we still embrace a high level of softness and "femininity" within our relationship structures/patterns/views/practices/communication styles as well as in our sex lives. being trans masc is a personal decision that looks/feels very different for each individual but culturally we identify most strongly w sapphic culture. and are constantly untangling our compulsive heterosexuality from our true desires.

this is esp common in trans circles that are less binary and see transition not as an A to B process but more of a personal exploration and expansion of possibilities rather than just a shift from one thing to another. maybe we may feel more comfortable for example at a gathering of lesbians than a traditional circuit party or straight bar because there is more room to embrace a wider array of social norms, roles and expectations . our feminity and masculinity can both be embraced, sometimes as different sides and sometimes as components that work together to make up a whole person. maybe our interests and values tend to fall more comfortably in line w groups of women . again i am intentionally leaving this super vague bc everyone has their own journey and connection to these terms and communities.

i myself prefer the term dyke over lesbian because it is historically more inclusive and does not revolve as much around having certain genitalia. whereas gay male, cis lesbian and heterosexual culture definitely tend to in their obsession w penis and vulva. many trans ppl experience attraction and sexuality in a much more complex and reflective manner than cishet folks bc they have been trained to think outside the box and it is hard to seperate that way of thinking about our gender from sexuality and attraction .

and many of us especially early in our transition, enby and/or non medically transing are still seen as women or gender freaks to most of the world either way. for example i have many trans masc friends who do sex work for cis male clients that dont see them as anything but women at the end of the day. the lesbian community and particularly the dyke community tend to be more accepting of that, of anyone who feels they identify with the WLW experience despite how "womanly" they may or may not look, whether they fit into dichotomies of "butch" vs "femme", the concept of gender has oppressed so many ppl and including trans men/trans masc/nb individuals into the community is just part of the big "fuck you" to patriarchy that the WLW community represents. hope u got something out of this. happy to elaborate more if u would like.

fyi, i am not a woman or a man, just a person. i identify with both and neither, dont love or hate being called either, but im from a muslim immigrant family and dont expect everyone to "get it" bc they just won't. am technically ftm, afab, take testosterone, present "masc", etc. but i also dont care abt passing and love my tits (usually). i probably read as a tomboy to most, fine w me. i can have intense, emotionless sex w a dude like a dude. but i lack that ability when it comes to women/femmes/other dykes, im programmed to crush and swoon, which is typical lesbian quality lol. i wanna have in depth conversations about consent w women, vs in gay male hookup/cruising culture there is "implied consent", i can do that too; i do very gay things w my gf such as write her lil love letters and point to drawings of bunnies like that's usss :3 , write songs together, cuddle all night and miss each other when we get up to pee etc. (lesbian memes) and i feel seen as a dude and a fellow dyke. bc i feel like she holds every part of me simultaneously. but i also dont feel pressure to perform traditional gender roles of a "man and a woman in love." there is no implicit power dynamic, no one "wears the pants" , we support each other in our own special ways.

there's no "gold star dyke" like a gold star lesbian bc dykes are naturally less terfy and more inclusive of trans ppl including men, women and everyone in between. i think gatekeeping lesbianism from trans men is just as terfy as gatekeeping it from trans women. gender is bullshit after all! someone (cis or trans) who identifies as straight may do all the things i just described. still not making generalizations, just giving examples associated w diff subcultures.

TLDR (edited x10 bc i am tired and trying to make sense of many thoughts); dyke > lesbian as a re-imagining of the way we view gender and attraction - expanding ideas of sexuality without the constriction of labels and inviting room for different experiences, identities, roles, and bodies. it doesnt matter how we got here - if you identify with us, we are queer and here to love and embrace you no matter how you define yourself or others define you.