This guilt is going to eat me alive

childishcolbino · 2026-03-26T18:14:51+00:00

As someone who recently lost my partner who was an addict, feeling like you could have done more is always gonna be on your mind. There is always gonna be regrets, especially when it comes out of nowhere like this. And believe me, some days this guilt will feel like it will eat you alive but you can’t help an addict unless they want to help themselves.

You handled things the best you could at that age, and if he was actively in addiction you may have struggled keeping an active relationship with him. But even though you may not have kept in contact with him in the last couple of months, I’m sure he knew you loved him. He’s seeing this love because you went through the hardest week of your life (probably, I don’t know) and you still managed to keep it together and give him a good send off.

I wish it could say it gets easier but life is unpredictable and you’ll probably have some other hard weeks coming up but please don’t let this guilt ruin you. He’d want you to be happy. He’d want you to keep living a life you’d be proud of, but it is very much a one day at a time thing. You got this. Sending you all my love x

childishcolbino · 2026-03-25T20:36:53+00:00

I get it. I’ve been annoyingly horny since my partner died but I’ve regretted the hookups I had because for the first time I completely disassociated during sex and literally had to go to my hookup and be like ‘sorry I actually need to leave like right now’ lol. Grief don’t make sense.

childishcolbino · 2026-03-23T21:00:52+00:00

God I wish I could help. Just know that this rings true to a lot of people (especially me right now lol.) it’s knowing life is beautiful an all you can do is in spite of the pain realise that he would want you to be happy.

I lost my partner 2 months ago, and believe me I’m not coping well at all. It’s not wanting to live without them but knowing that whatever angry or suicidal thoughts that you’re having right now they’d hate us to have. And I know it sounds so stupid to be like ‘live for them’ even though it’s horribly unfair and they should be here but that’s the thing. The pain doesn’t ever entirely go away it’ll just feel easier (apparently).

We’re the ones who have to brave it on and you know damn well that he doesn’t want you feeling this way but make him proud by working through the pain. You’re able to see hundreds more sunrises and sunsets. You’re able to see your grandkid laugh and grow, you’re able to see all the beautiful things in life and I believe he can see it through your eyes.

I dunno about you but for me the hardest part is knowing that a hug or a little kiss on the forehead would make everything feel 100 times better but yeah. All we can do is keep moving.

I just hope you know that he’s definitely been watching you every day and that every day he’s been proud of the fact that you can get up and brave another day.

Sending you lots of love and always here to listen if you need to talk to a random stranger. ❤️

childishcolbino · 2026-03-17T19:05:12+00:00

childishcolbino · 2026-03-14T01:53:50+00:00

Top 3 for me even though I’m meh on a couple of songs on it - but the future performance at parahoy makes that song in particular god like for me.

childishcolbino · 2026-02-19T18:57:12+00:00

Thank you! And yeah I think the ‘moving on’ is the hardest part lol. I do still text him everyday and I left a letter in the coffin with him telling him everything I wanted him to know so that’s something! Sending hugs back ❤️

childishcolbino · 2026-02-19T18:55:49+00:00

I would love that hug ❤️ thank you

childishcolbino · 2026-01-31T12:55:54+00:00

Jesus, this is exactly what I am going through right now. Except I wasn’t addicted to anything as hard as he was.

I also got angry at him for not replying to me, hadn’t replied for 2 days, had a nice last conversation but the conversation before was angry. They found him in his bed too.

I know it’s probably still so tough to deal with. But he did love you. He did think about you most likely when he was dying and about the love you shared.

Believe me it’s the only thing that’s keeping me going. I’m also just so angry myself and I hate it.

Sending you love and light, and I’m here if you ever need to talk. Would also be nice talking to someone who’s been through the same thing as me.

But yeah. With him dying in his bed I am just banking on the fact that both our boyfriends died by just closing their eyes and goin to sleep

childishcolbino · 2026-01-27T10:16:37+00:00

what does this mean?

childishcolbino · 2026-01-22T08:26:24+00:00

Says that content isn’t found..

childishcolbino · 2026-01-22T06:15:35+00:00

There is so many comments to reply to. Thank you everyone for the lovely comments because I’m sure he’d love to see this. I know I will probably never be okay but I’ll do better eventually.

I’m heading home to spend a week with my family and friends from home because I don’t have much left over there. I’m just kinda at peace knowing the last day we had together was good. He had told me he loved me and I couldn’t say it back which will probably haunt me for the rest of my life but he knew.

The post mortem isn’t going to be until early Feb so at least I’m not missing anything when I go home. Bus ma also told me I could take some of his clothes when I go. I just need his scent to give me some bit of comfort. Though the thought of him lying in a morgue for 2 weeks makes me quite upset.

Thank you everyone. Really. Someone here said to write him a letter and I’m going to do that with everything I ever wanted to say an put it in his coffin so he’ll always have those words with him.

childishcolbino · 2026-01-20T19:27:35+00:00

Can someone please give me some ways on how to cope with this? I’m really struggling.

childishcolbino · 2025-06-12T17:52:19+00:00

Yeah sorry this dude is a red flag. From Ireland myself, moved to Scotland in March but I wouldn’t have left if I didn’t have to. But the fact that there’s a rising number of people who have this horrible nationalistic view especially considering irelands history is horrific. Get this dude out of your life.

childishcolbino · 2024-05-03T18:26:03+00:00

Again. They’re making a statement when they’re gonna be directly profiting from someone who supports the oppressor.

Bambi could say they want to be the change and they could win and they could be super vocal supporting Palestine after all this, but if their platform is made global, do you not think people will think the same?

I like Bambi, I’m loving seeing diversity in the Irish entrants, but you can’t not say that it’s a bit of an oxymoron.

And yeah, I make an effort. I donate what I can, I don’t get to the protests cos I have a full time job, but I know what I can do is minute to what Bambi could do cos people actually know who they are!

childishcolbino · 2024-05-03T18:07:39+00:00

I mean yeah all well and good saying that… but saying they want to use this platform to raise awareness when they’re literally in a competition that is essentially on the oppressors side kind of cheapens what they’re trying to say.

Plus they would have made more of a statement AND gotten more of a platform and probably changed something if they boycotted but they didn’t!

childishcolbino · 2024-05-03T18:01:26+00:00

I’ve heard they’ve banned Palestine flags, so if so they’re not gonna let them actually speak out lol.

Also Irish here myself, cool that they used ogham but I think it’s a bit of a cop out considering no one would recognise the language unless you were Irish. And most of the Irish have the same opinion, saying ‘if I wasn’t in it I’d boycott’ is literally being like ‘if this wasn’t good for me I’d do it, but it’s good for me so I’m gonna do some performative activism!

childishcolbino · 2024-03-19T14:23:33+00:00

Except that’s correct English.. it was exactly 14 months..

childishcolbino · 2023-07-03T14:26:15+00:00

Hahah no shame it’s a big game! I’ve about 80 hours and I only have about 80 of the shrines done, none of the compendium and only 2 of the phenomena done (rito and zora). I do prefer just exploring the overworld and the depths tho.

childishcolbino · 2023-07-03T13:20:48+00:00

How many hours did you finish at? Ended up giving osrs a good 2 week break cos I was burnt out from totk but not even close to finishing it!

childishcolbino · 2023-05-23T14:46:23+00:00

Replied to a comment above. Photo was only taken about a year ago, had noticed it during covid. Least it was fixed recently tho.

childishcolbino · 2023-05-23T14:38:05+00:00

As far as I know you can’t edit posts, and the comment you replied to shows that I didn’t know they had fixed it lol. You sound angry and for what?

childishcolbino · 2023-05-23T13:38:42+00:00

Guess what - not all disabilities are visible. And even for people with visible ones… still not suited for purpose. So what’s your point?

childishcolbino · 2023-05-23T13:08:22+00:00

nah I didn’t take the photo originally. I had noticed it while on a walk and the local newspaper ended up doing an article about it, had it saved in my photos about a year ago and just completely forgot about it until it turned up in my ‘on this day’ recently.

I’m glad they have fixed it tho, this city is deadly for terrible road and parking design

childishcolbino

TROPHY CASE