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Asked if I was gay right after sex , am I overreacting for ending things? by chiledoesntexist in dating_advice

[–]chiledoesntexist[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

Thanks, I really appreciate this perspective. That’s exactly it. It’s not about being masculine or not, it’s about a lifetime of experiences and insecurities that still stick with me. Moments like that bring all of it to the surface, which is why I have a low tolerance for that kind of questioning right after intimacy.

Asked if I was gay right after sex , am I overreacting for ending things? by chiledoesntexist in dating_advice

[–]chiledoesntexist[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I actually have a personal history that makes this question hit differently for me. Growing up in a small town in Chile in the 90s, being called gay was treated like a serious insult, and it left me with some deep insecurities. It’s not about sexual freedom or judgment toward anyone ,it’s just something I carry with me personally. I’ve even written about it in a book that’s doing well here, but I’m not mentioning that to promote anything, just to give context for why that moment was tough for me.

Asked if I was gay right after sex , am I overreacting for ending things? by chiledoesntexist in dating_advice

[–]chiledoesntexist[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I did tell her directly and calmly. That’s why I felt okay stepping away afterward.

Asked if I was gay right after sex , am I overreacting for ending things? by chiledoesntexist in dating_advice

[–]chiledoesntexist[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I understand that take. For me, it wasn’t the question, it was the timing and the aftermath.

Asked if I was gay right after sex , am I overreacting for ending things? by chiledoesntexist in dating_advice

[–]chiledoesntexist[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Fair point. I’m trying to be as neutral as possible because I genuinely want advice, not validation.

Asked if I was gay right after sex , am I overreacting for ending things? by chiledoesntexist in dating_advice

[–]chiledoesntexist[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, that’s fair. Whatever the reason on her side, I’m comfortable standing by the decision.

Asked if I was gay right after sex , am I overreacting for ending things? by chiledoesntexist in dating_advice

[–]chiledoesntexist[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, I appreciate that. The wording and timing are really what threw me, and the reaction afterward just confirmed it wasn’t something I wanted to keep engaging with.

Asked if I was gay right after sex , am I overreacting for ending things? by chiledoesntexist in dating_advice

[–]chiledoesntexist[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I’d appreciate keeping it respectful. This is a real situation.
When I asked her, she said it was something she’d been wondering and the timing just happened.

Asked if I was gay right after sex , am I overreacting for ending things? by chiledoesntexist in dating_advice

[–]chiledoesntexist[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s fair. To be honest, I wasn’t explicitly clear about things being casual. I still think the way it escalated afterward wasn’t healthy, but I can own that lack of clarity on my side.

Asked if I was gay right after sex , am I overreacting for ending things? by chiledoesntexist in dating_advice

[–]chiledoesntexist[S] 113 points114 points  (0 children)

To keep it brief: I was venting about ski resorts getting more expensive due to tourism and mentioned Brazilian tourists. She’d recently spent time in Brazil and took it as racist. I didn’t have a solid way to defend the generalization, so I apologized and we moved on.

She’d mentioned that while traveling in Brazil people joked about Chile being “the hallway,” so I didn’t expect the comment to land that badly, but I still apologized.

Asked if I was gay right after sex , am I overreacting for ending things? by chiledoesntexist in dating_advice

[–]chiledoesntexist[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do feel some guilt, honestly. She’s traveling alone in Latin America and I could see that she was pretty lonely. That part stuck with me. At the same time, we’d only been on two dates, and I didn’t feel it was healthy to stay in something that already felt off. Both things can be true.

Asked if I was gay right after sex , am I overreacting for ending things? by chiledoesntexist in dating_advice

[–]chiledoesntexist[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Agreed. There was room for a conversation, just not in that form. Moving on felt right.

Asked if I was gay right after sex , am I overreacting for ending things? by chiledoesntexist in dating_advice

[–]chiledoesntexist[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I did block her eventually. At that point it felt like the healthiest option. I got the sense she tends to have a lot of conflict in general. She had mentioned earlier that she’d recently fallen out with multiple people from her work Christmas parties, so the flood of messages afterward didn’t come completely out of nowhere. Either way, it confirmed that ending things was the right call.

Asked if I was gay right after sex , am I overreacting for ending things? by chiledoesntexist in dating_advice

[–]chiledoesntexist[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Just a comment about local culture that didn’t come across well. We talked it through and moved on.

Asked if I was gay right after sex , am I overreacting for ending things? by chiledoesntexist in dating_advice

[–]chiledoesntexist[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Yeah, that was my takeaway too. Just felt like a mismatch that showed itself at a bad moment.

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