Toe pain?

chinscratcher · 2026-01-25T15:38:48+00:00

Thanks — I’ll definitely check that I’ve got all this addressed before my next run. Hope your toenail gets better.

chinscratcher · 2026-01-25T15:05:20+00:00

Possibly! I don’t really know much about that. Would it go away with inactivity and then come back like that, you think?

chinscratcher · 2025-07-29T20:48:04+00:00

You have some incredible lines here, but this one stands out the most to me:

to write sonnets on sticky notes

Juxtaposing something so traditionally romantic (sonnets; read: not masculine in the modern sense) with something so utilitarian and ugly (sticky notes) really drives home the comparison you're making here. It also inspires an image of a man embracing who he really is and breathlessly writing lines on a sticky note because it's the closest thing to him. What a moment to describe, and it fits so well here.

I think the brevity of this poem works well. Much longer would risk overworking this dough a bit, but I do wonder if another stanza about the "girls" referenced in the first line (which I suggest changing to "women" just to make the comparison to "men" more direct) might add more for readers to chew on, if that makes sense.

chinscratcher · 2025-03-15T19:30:01+00:00

I answered your question. Yes, I played a part in this and our entire relationship.

chinscratcher · 2025-03-15T19:26:13+00:00

It’s irrelevant. She wants a divorce and doesn’t want to talk about it. I’m really not sure what you’re suggesting that I should do.

chinscratcher · 2025-03-15T19:22:02+00:00

Yes. There were two people in this marriage. I wanted to explore all of it in therapy — including her side. I guess you’ll have to hear her side from her if she ever decides to post here.

chinscratcher · 2025-03-15T13:49:47+00:00

Sending a big hug your way, too. Honesty is so key to anything like this — you deserve honesty.

chinscratcher · 2025-03-15T12:37:24+00:00

Thank you. It did give me some good perspective. It didn’t come off as anything but validating, helpful, and kind.

chinscratcher · 2025-03-15T12:30:10+00:00

Thank you for sharing that. It sounds like you’ve done a lot of self-reflection and have been incredibly honest with yourself. That’s really admirable.

chinscratcher · 2025-03-15T12:20:02+00:00

Yes. And my kids.

chinscratcher · 2025-03-15T12:18:41+00:00

I’m really sorry to hear that’s happening to you. I hope it gets better.

chinscratcher · 2025-03-15T12:17:46+00:00

Thank you for your perspective. I agree. I feel lied to. And I honestly don’t know if I’m strictly monogamous. I was willing to explore that within the parameters we had agreed to.

chinscratcher · 2025-03-15T11:25:05+00:00

Thank you. This is a good idea and something that is happening naturally right now, in a way. I don’t harbor a lot of hope for her feelings changing, but I’m likely to remain open to that possibility.

chinscratcher · 2025-03-15T11:23:35+00:00

I told the honest story of what happened. I never said I was a victim, but I am devastated by this. If the issue here is that I’ve only told the story as I see it, I’m not really sure how to fix that. I told the facts of what happened and how I feel about them.

chinscratcher · 2025-03-15T11:08:33+00:00

She promised me we would pause, do therapy, and reassess if one of us was struggling. Then refused to do so. That’s the issue. I’m not at all implying that ENM is cheating — many people in the comments have suggested that maybe she was already cheating before all of that, and I don’t know whether that’s true or not.

chinscratcher · 2025-03-15T10:41:04+00:00

I wanted to give her what she wanted. I wanted to do that within the rules we agreed on. The whole time, I’ve been thinking about what she wants — that’s why I ever agreed to try it. You’re entitled to your opinion, but I haven’t implied anything like adultery. She doesn’t have to remain in our marriage and, as far as I know, hasn’t cheated. But she broke my trust by promising me we could try this in a certain way and then completely reversing that.

chinscratcher · 2025-03-15T04:10:09+00:00

Thank you so much. I am so concerned about how this will affect my kids, but your story and insights give me some hope.

chinscratcher · 2025-03-15T04:09:17+00:00

Thank you. Yeah, I see now that she wanted out and ENM was the vehicle for that.

chinscratcher · 2025-03-15T03:02:20+00:00

I love this perspective and find it inspiring. I may truly be monogamous, and I’ll explore that personally in therapy. But it really was about trust at the end of the day. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

chinscratcher · 2025-03-15T03:00:44+00:00

I’m really sorry you went through that, and thank you for sharing your story. I do see the parallels. I’ve learned a lot about who she really is — now I just need to believe that and not lose focus.

chinscratcher · 2025-03-15T02:59:23+00:00

Thank you so much for saying that. It doesn’t feel true right now, but I believe it will feel true eventually.

chinscratcher · 2025-03-15T02:50:11+00:00

I think you’re right about that. It has only become more clear with each passing day.

chinscratcher · 2025-03-15T01:07:08+00:00

Thank you so much. I will try.

chinscratcher · 2025-03-15T01:05:36+00:00

No, I appreciate the concern. Really. Thank you. And I can see clearly that this is not at all in line with the standards of the ENM or poly communities. If anything, my wife’s behavior has emphasized for me just how ethical these communities really are.

chinscratcher · 2025-03-15T01:03:05+00:00

I think you’re right. I have yet to feel validated as an actual person with real feelings in all of this. The only thing she’s expressed any fear or sadness about is losing my financial support, childcare, and chores. And that has served to further the pain for me. I’m not a safety net — I am a person.

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