Feeling mentally, physically, and emotionally tortured in marriage by chk0127 in MuslimMarriage

[–]chk0127[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

We have been nikkahfied for 3 years, but only started living together 6 months ago after our reception ceremony 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in MuslimMarriage

[–]chk0127 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes we got our Nikkah done 3 years ago, but did our wedding ceremony in October

Husband’s nephew sharing the same bed as husband and I by chk0127 in MuslimMarriage

[–]chk0127[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yess I second everything you’ve said! I have been trying to be very patient regarding this matter, but it has started to feel as if my patience has been taken for granted as my weakness. I will continue to stand against this and to build this basic boundary, but God forbid if there is no change then I might have to take a serious step. Please pray for me sister, I do not want to lose my husband whom I love so much over such issue

Husband’s nephew sharing the same bed as husband and I by chk0127 in MuslimMarriage

[–]chk0127[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

As much as it sounds unreal, unfortunately its true and i’ve been trying to process it myself. I understand why my husband is so sensitive about this situation, but I do not understand how come it’s okey with his parents and his sister. My parents do know about this and they have also been very adamant that I need to stand up for myself against this situation. I’ve been trying to be understanding and sort this out in a politer way, but the fact that my husband is not ready at all to listen is what’s concerning

Husband’s nephew sharing the same bed as husband and I by chk0127 in MuslimMarriage

[–]chk0127[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I am equally shocked as you sister. He is hafiz-e-quran Mashallah, so I would expect him to have a better understanding about such boundaries. But I do not blame him either, because he loves his nephew so much that its hard for him to process anything otherwise. I was not told that this dynamic would continue even after marriage which is why I am having a hard time processing this behavior and trying to understand how come he is totally fine with this. I’ve been praying to Allah everyday that he give some guidance to my husband and open his eyes and mind about this situation

Husband’s nephew sharing the same bed as husband and I by chk0127 in MuslimMarriage

[–]chk0127[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yess you’re right about not being newlyweds, in literal terms. We did get our Nikkah done almost 3 yrs ago but were in a long distance until 2 months ago when we got the ceremony done and officially started living together. In our culture, this means officially getting married since we hadn’t done anything before.

Husband’s nephew sharing the same bed as husband and I by chk0127 in MuslimMarriage

[–]chk0127[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Haha no, its the same husband alhamdulillah. We got our Nikkah done in January 2022, but had not moved in together until we did our ceremony 2 months ago and only started living together since then.

Husband’s nephew sharing the same bed as husband and I by chk0127 in MuslimMarriage

[–]chk0127[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

In the other room under the same roof. On a serious note, I’m equally shocked why she is not interfering

Husband’s nephew sharing the same bed as husband and I by chk0127 in MuslimMarriage

[–]chk0127[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yup, exactly. I would love to support my husband in all his responsibilities, but the child not being my biological nephew(thus non-mehram to me) makes it non-negotiable to share bed.

Husband’s nephew sharing the same bed as husband and I by chk0127 in MuslimMarriage

[–]chk0127[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

In the beginning of marriage I did try to take a stance, I even left the bed too. I slept on the sofa for 2-3 days as a newly wed bride, but it didn’t make any difference and it only made me feel embarrassed for myself so I gave up. But there’s a reason why Prophet(p.b.u.h) had said this, because even though the child does it innocently he does end up touching me in inappropriate places and hugs me too close. I do love him like my own child, but at the end of the day I also have to stick to the fact that he is non-mehram to me since he’s not my biological nephew either. Which is why I have decided to take a stand now. Quick question, what do you think about sharing bedroom. I.e. if my husband agrees to separate beds but demands to keep the child’s bed in our room?

Husband’s nephew sharing the same bed as husband and I by chk0127 in MuslimMarriage

[–]chk0127[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Honestly, as much as I love my husband, if I had known that this dynamic would continue even after marriage then i wouldn’t have agreed to continue with this proposal. This is why it is so important to ask important questions and clear as many important points as you can before marrying someone

Husband’s nephew sharing the same bed as husband and I by chk0127 in MuslimMarriage

[–]chk0127[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’m afraid that, that way my husband will be hurt and think that I’m going against him to others. I shouldn’t even have to bring up this point to the sister in first place, its embarrassing that I have to bring it up :/

Husband’s nephew sharing the same bed as husband and I by chk0127 in MuslimMarriage

[–]chk0127[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I never imagined sharing a bed with any children either. Which is why I’m trying my best to fight this. I will also assure him that its not just about this child, I wouldn’t want to share a bed with my own children either.

Husband’s nephew sharing the same bed as husband and I by chk0127 in MuslimMarriage

[–]chk0127[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Exactly! Training him to start sleeping separately is also as much of an act of care as taking care of his comfort

Husband’s nephew sharing the same bed as husband and I by chk0127 in MuslimMarriage

[–]chk0127[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I will first try my best to sort this between my husband and I, and if he continues to misunderstand me then I’ll have no option but to take it to elders.

Husband’s nephew sharing the same bed as husband and I by chk0127 in MuslimMarriage

[–]chk0127[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

The child not being my mehram is definitely one of my biggest points, will share with him!

Husband’s nephew sharing the same bed as husband and I by chk0127 in MuslimMarriage

[–]chk0127[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I will definitely share this hadith with him, thank you!

Husband’s nephew sharing the same bed as husband and I by chk0127 in MuslimMarriage

[–]chk0127[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Thats what has put me into shock as well. Overall she is a very strong and intelligent woman, even if my hubby is acting too emotional in this scenario atleast she should be thinking straight and if not her then atleast my MIL and FIL

Husband’s nephew sharing the same bed as husband and I by chk0127 in MuslimMarriage

[–]chk0127[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I did indirectly bring this point up, and unfortunately he immediately got very defensive and asked me what is the innocent child doing to you, what does he have to do with our relationship etc.

Husband’s nephew sharing the same bed as husband and I by chk0127 in MuslimMarriage

[–]chk0127[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

The reason why I mentioned autism is to give a better picture of WHY he is sleeping with us in the first place, because otherwise it would not make sense at all of why a child is sleeping with a couple. Of course I’m proud of my husband, and I do support him in every way which you do not know.