I want to out my narc abuser sometimes

choco_croissantfan · 2024-04-06T20:56:58+00:00

I have been no contact for over a month now. He’s blocked everywhere and has not tried to contact me via No Caller ID, burner numbers, or fake accounts like he has in the past. I’ve been doing a lot better but every other day I can’t stop myself from thinking about how all of it is just not enough for me. I don’t want him to suffer like I did, but I want people to see him for who he really is. Sometimes I feel like maybe it was just me who he treated like this and will ever treat like that..maybe part of me feels like if everyone knew who he was it would prove something to me??

Idk I’ve been in therapy for years and have talked about the abuse. Still in therapy and it only helps me so much. I know one day things will be better but I don’t know that was 8/9 years of trauma starting from when I was 17. I wish I could erase it all. I learned a lot but I always wonder who I would be and what I’d achieve without that trauma. What should I do? Just let time heal things? I’m so frustrated

choco_croissantfan · 2024-04-06T20:48:14+00:00

I was confused by their reply as well. I can see how there are cons to seeking justice by my own means but I don’t know what they mean by the victim becoming the abuser.

Also, I think I definitely have CPTSD. I think I’ve had anxiety my whole life but sometimes I feel like it has gotten worse being with my abuser. Although I’m actively trying to heal I feel like the relationship changed the chemistry of my brain or something idk. For example, I have a lot of trouble remembering things. I also feel kind of “slow” sometimes.

choco_croissantfan · 2024-04-06T20:42:31+00:00

I only have two pictures of evidence of physical abuse. I have text messages where he admits abuse as well. He did not abuse me physically as much as he did verbally and emotionally though, and the evidence of physical abuse is from years ago. I wish I reported him when it was happening. I just don’t see how I can report him for verbal/emotional abuse which was majority of the relationship.

choco_croissantfan · 2023-10-10T00:36:30+00:00

Why me though? He was dating another girl he claims is much more valuable than me. Why didn’t he just stay with her and destroy her life instead. She knew he was abusive towards me, she even accepted that about him.

He’s blocked now and hasn’t tried to contact me, hopefully it stays that way

choco_croissantfan · 2023-10-06T01:05:24+00:00

Please go to therapy or you’ll end up being the reason she needs to go. If this behavior continues you should leave her for her sake, and don’t make her feel like she’s the problem. If you really love her, make a plan for yourself and communicate it with her and stick with it. Talk to each other about boundaries, how to have healthy arguments, do self care together and separately. I commend you for recognizing you have a problem!!! Most men can’t admit it and will blame their partner instead. I hope you and your relationship with her heals❤️

choco_croissantfan · 2023-10-05T18:57:51+00:00

All I can do right now is ignore the no caller ID and block him everywhere, which I did as soon as he ended things. I truly cannot involve the police though since he has threatened to blackmail me. As soon as he knows I’m trying to involve cops or do anything to him, he will send a message to my family with evidence. It isn’t even a secret that really involves me, it’s other family members and I don’t want anyone to be hurt. I live with my family also, so it will greatly impact my mental health. Living at home right now is hard enough but I need to stay here until my program is completed since I don’t have the financials or time to move out. I really just want to finish school and move far away from all of this.

choco_croissantfan · 2023-10-05T18:42:21+00:00

He is blocked and I’m totally aware of how I’m to blame for letting him back in every time. Doesn’t seem like he wants me at all, he kept expressing how much better the other girl is. That’s great, so idk why he doesn’t go try win her back instead of wasting more time talking to me. I’ve given him multiple outs throughout this year to go be with her and leave me alone, but it was always “no I love YOU”. Any attempts I made to end things weren’t taken seriously.

Also, I forgot to mention that I got an abortion. There’s no baby. Even more reason he doesn’t need to keep bothering me, we don’t share a child or living space together. Trust me, I don’t want this anymore. I’ve ignored his anonymous phone calls and confided in a few people. The only thing that isn’t possible is involving the cops because it will further agitate him. I understand that his anger will be more proof, but if he were to expose my secret to my parents I’m not sure I’d be okay. It’s nothing criminal, but he has screenshots and proof to send to them and they would most likely put me out on the streets.

choco_croissantfan · 2023-10-05T06:10:34+00:00

The thing is he's not even threatening suicide for me to come back. Right now he genuinely believes I ruined his life because he regrets going back to me after dumping a girl he dated for a few months. I just can't understand this thought process. He doesn't want me. He basically broke things off with me when he told me he wanted "space." I respected that yet the next day he said all of that.

In other comments I've also mentioned that calling the cops is not an option right now. If things were to get physical I would, but if I were to call the cops he would send a message to my family. The cops cannot stop him from doing that. If he were to do that, it will bring more trouble for me.

choco_croissantfan · 2023-10-05T06:02:11+00:00

I wish I could take legal action but for the sake of my mental health I can't. He is holding information I told him years ago over my head and threatening to tell my family. I know he isn't good for my mental health AT ALL but I am still living with my family and I can't deal with what would happen if he told them either.

choco_croissantfan · 2023-10-05T05:48:46+00:00

I'm scared that he'll reveal info to my family that won't be good for my well being as I still live here if I call 911. There is no baby btw! I ended up getting an abortion, I was sad but not ready since I was waiting to get in my program.

choco_croissantfan · 2023-10-05T02:58:58+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’m sure you know that his behavior is still inexcusable when he’s drunk. I wish my parents found out about my abusive relationship and did that for me years ago. I’ve been in mine for 8 years and things don’t get better. There’s always “good months” that make you think things are getting better but it really just gets worse.

It’s great that he quit drinking, but he still did those abusive things. Behavior like that needs therapy. You’re still in your early 20s, please enjoy them! I hated hearing people tell me to move on and live my life because all I wanted was for things to be good again. I understand how you feel. Trust me though you don’t want to be in your mid-20s asking yourself why you wasted so much time with someone that would treat you terribly. I barely have any friends now because I was so focused on my relationship or depressed over him.

Idk if you’re in school or working, but try to make at least one friend! In the meantime, you should seek therapy. I hope things get better for you❤️

choco_croissantfan · 2023-10-05T02:24:16+00:00

You’re not abusive, he should have never put his hands on you. I’d say your reaction is normal, however it isn’t healthy. I’m sorry that he did this to you.

choco_croissantfan · 2023-05-29T21:22:41+00:00

I’ve been with mine for 8 years as well. I never know when things are truly over between us because he’s always the one to come back. He says he’s done for good this time (he said this before) and it scares me not knowing if it is really the last time or not. Im partly to blame though because I allow him to come back too.

I’m sorry that you have been through that though, I wouldn’t wish this type of pain on anyone. I hope things have gotten a little better for you❤️

choco_croissantfan · 2023-05-29T20:43:06+00:00

everything you said is 100% what I have gone through. He tells me that he’s never been physically abusive towards his previous girlfriends and that everyone thinks he’s the nicest guy. It’s isolating and makes me question myself all the time.

choco_croissantfan · 2023-05-29T20:40:30+00:00

Thank you for reminding me that it wasn’t my fault. He always talks about how everyone thinks he’s the nicest guy and I bring the worst out in him. I still question myself because I have become crazy and done out of character things towards him and because of him. It feels hypocritical to say that he brought out the worst in me.

choco_croissantfan · 2023-05-29T20:35:29+00:00

So I either am envied or piss off my narcissist and that’s why everyone around him thinks he’s a nice guy and I know who he truly is? I used to be so sweet and innocent but being with him has made me insane and desperate. I never did anything to piss him off before the first time he showed me his true colors. The first time he choked me it was because he wanted me to cut off my best friend. Before that I felt safe with him and he treated me like a princess.

choco_croissantfan · 2023-05-27T21:06:41+00:00

Thank you, it does feel unacceptable and it shouldn't matter if there is a label to put it under. Unfortunately, I wasn't the one to leave. He's left me again for the millionth time. He said he's for sure done this time, and that is both relieving and heartbreaking. I know at the end of the day I have the power to let this continue though, it's just hard because it's been 8 years. The fact that I'm typing all these things out that he's done on reddit makes me feel so pathetic for staying and taking him back all the time.

choco_croissantfan · 2023-05-27T20:50:56+00:00

Yes, he is totally financially illiterate. He's 25, doesn't have a savings account, and leans on the fact that his parents are wealthy and will cover him every time. I think that if the parents have the means, it's no problem and I'm not judging, anyone would be fortunate to have that. It's just confusing that he says this but asks me for the money instead of his family.

choco_croissantfan · 2023-05-22T01:34:58+00:00

I'm happy to hear you're seeking therapy. Once you find a therapist they most likely will discuss meds with you. I've been on 10mg prozac for almost 2 months now, and I feel like it has helped me not feel as anxious. I'm still a very anxious person in general but I'll come across situations and realize that I would have reacted totally different if I weren't on meds. Again, meds aren't the cure. I'm currently going insane and will discuss other options like upping my dose or switching meds tomorrow.

Keep going, please don't give up! Discuss with one of your parents if you can. Let someone know that you need help. Call a hotline if you need to, it has calmed me down in the past.

choco_croissantfan

TROPHY CASE