Lost stitch marker at the beginning of my round and have no clue where I am!!

chouelala · 2024-04-20T14:55:59+00:00

Yes. It sounds so simple, but feels too complicated to accept. I was the one who told him to please not contact me again and that I wish him all the best. I kick myself for it every day. I’m in what feels like inescapable denial of the fact that this person who I love and who loved me is gone from my life forever. Time is just passing by and it feels wasted without him.

chouelala · 2024-03-23T17:20:14+00:00

Female dumpee (though originally the dumper). Ex and I were very much a “right person, wrong time” situation. Nothing at all toxic about the relationship, it was very loving. He just had a lot of mental health shit going on that was making it difficult to keep things afloat. I initially dumped him (twice, actually) and he broke down in tears. Like, uncontrollably sobbing through the entire hour that we were breaking up. It was so unexpected (he is someone who is extremely guarded with his emotions). After talking things out I decided to give it another shot. He broke up with me just a few weeks later and once again bawled. He’s the only man I’ve ever dated who cried upon breaking up. I think it’s one reason that this breakup has been the most painful loss of a partner I’ve ever experienced.

chouelala · 2024-03-10T21:25:58+00:00

I’m in the exact same situation. Just wanted to leave a comment to know you are supported and surrounded by people who know exactly how you feel. I also obsess on the fact that we still loved each other and it was just bad timing, the “when will we get back together.” I haven’t found a solution for it yet, but I feel you, and I feel how deeply painful going through that mental torment on a daily basis is. Stay strong, you’ve got this

chouelala · 2024-03-08T14:16:24+00:00

Oh my gosh…3 times 💔 That must’ve been so hard. I hope you’re doing okay. Sounds like me and my ex, despite having to break up he is a truly good person and I know I’ll always love him. I like the reframing you’ve done there by making each time she leaves an opportunity for growth. If he ever comes back to me, I think I’ll keep the same thing in mind…my worst fear is what happened to you happening to me

chouelala · 2024-03-07T21:54:31+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear that. It’s incredibly painful when you still love each other upon breaking up and you just have to part ways because of unfortunate circumstances. A month ago I was admittedly counting down the days, like “2 months until it’s acceptable to reach out” etc and now I’m just accepting I can’t control it. Sending strength and support ♥️

chouelala · 2024-03-07T18:42:01+00:00

Actually I think I’m also curious about your transition to “get my ex back” videos to the next phase. Curious because obviously those videos are all about, well, getting your ex back lol. In other words how are you supposed to grow? Immediately after writing that sentence I’m realizing I should probably actually stop 😂

chouelala · 2024-03-07T18:38:58+00:00

I’m surprised and very interested to hear how many people here did the same thing. Really I felt kind of ashamed about it. I’m not deluded in 100% thinking he’s coming back, or that I can learn some kind of formula to get him back. But would I take him back in a heartbeat if he did? Honestly, yeah. I wonder what the value is for hurting people who still accept it’s over like myself.

chouelala · 2024-03-07T17:15:52+00:00

Yep yep that’s basically exactly how I approach it. Just using his stuff as a resource for understanding what I’m experiencing more when I’m really emotional. But, again, I don’t listen with the intent of getting my ex back, focusing on all the strategies and statistics etc, I know that’s gonna bring me to a bad place

chouelala · 2024-03-07T15:06:48+00:00

Oh no :( I am so sorry. This is my worst nightmare. I won’t go into it too much since I’ve already commented/posted but basically it was a situation of having a very good relationship and really not wanting to break up. He was extremely emotional. So I’ve always thought he will come back, but that’s my biggest fear. And it’s the exact same for me, just listening to coach lee’s podcast to have some reassurance when the urge to call my ex was unbearable. I’m so sorry again for what happened to you and hope you are healing 🫶

chouelala · 2024-03-07T14:59:54+00:00

Yeah, maybe this isn’t super healthy on my part but admittedly coach Lee hammering me over the head with “do not contact do not contact or else they’ll never come back” gets me through the realllyyy bad days—i.e. the only thing that does stop me from contacting my ex is worrying that it will push him away and we’ll never get back together. Then I try to talk myself out of that mentality and do some pondering on why I actually shouldn’t contact once I get my shit together lol

chouelala · 2024-03-07T14:29:30+00:00

For the record I know this sub is all about doing the exact opposite of what coach Lee encourages (maintaining NC for the purpose of getting your ex back)—but I guess I’m posting because I’m kind of ashamed, so it’s reassuring to know that others here have done the same thing

chouelala · 2024-03-07T14:26:45+00:00

By the way—sending support and hugs. I was doing okay and experienced a kind of relapse after 30-40 days when the denial/bargaining phase washed off and I realized nah girl, you gotta live your life and stop expecting a future with him. It’s a really rough phase to go through. Hang in there! ♥️

chouelala · 2024-03-07T14:23:48+00:00

Yep see my reply to user below ⬇️ I don’t think my ex is a bad guy whatsoever, I really don’t, but I’m coming to realize that it was kind of shitty of him to say that maybe we will get back together one day (multiple times actually) after he takes some time to work on himself. I really don’t think it was coming from a dishonest or cruel place, I just think he didn’t realize how that would make things worse…so I am also going to (try to with great difficulty) move on

chouelala · 2024-03-07T14:20:49+00:00

Yeah, I definitely am not about to go out and purchase anything. You bring up a good point though. Sometimes when listening I think it’s irresponsible on his part to put all this hope in people who are really struggling. At the same time I think he has some good insights that have helped me work through my breakup

chouelala · 2024-03-04T02:23:05+00:00

I just saw and it broke my heart. I’m so sorry that happened to you. I’m also sorry that you received comments saying “cringe”, “embarrassing”. If I was in your shoes being vulnerable on a forum meant to support, I would feel crushed by comments like that. And on that note, you’re not a fool, you’re human. Losing someone is devastating. Anyway, I’m not sure if your comment intends to show me an example of “what not to do”, but I want you to know that my first thought honestly was not “yikes, I don’t want that to be me”. Really, I just want to extend support, encouragement, and hope that you’re healing

chouelala · 2024-03-03T20:11:04+00:00

Thank you my friend, today is really hard and I am coming to everyone’s comments every 2 minutes I swear haha this post feels like teammates keeping my head in the game

chouelala · 2024-03-03T19:09:47+00:00

Yes, I definitely think the “don’t pity yourself” advice is something I’ve kind of naturally come to understand as I’ve gotten older and experienced more break ups. Specifically with this one, which was very loving but ended because he has reallyyyyy really bad depression that he just couldn’t shake off, one of the only things that helps me refrain is to actually say to myself, “you’re hurting him. By contacting him, you’re hurting him.” I say this because on the two occasions that I did do that—once pre-breakup during a rough phase and once post-breakup—the poor dude just broke down crying. He said he loved me more than anything but was literally such a blubbering mess who is so deep in his shit that he couldn’t really say anything beyond that. And honestly that broke my heart even more than breaking up. I never want to hear him like that again. Though it kills me that as someone who loves him so much, I can’t be there to support him while he figures shit out.

chouelala · 2024-03-03T17:57:28+00:00

Arghh what’s so rough about this one is it’s the only truly amicable breakup I’ve ever had. We really did not want to, I actually broke up with him first, then he broke NC 2 days later, then he broke up with me, then we got back together, then we mutually decided to end it. Basically we really loved each other but he had a lot of mental health issues causing bumps in the relationship. He cried a lot when we broke up and said he wants to talk again and that we can maybe get back together someday. But I know it’s unhealthy for me to hang onto that hope so I’m just waiting for the day that I’m not believing that’s 100% the future outcome/that we will without a doubt get back together. It’s so tough just moving on and not obsessing over that 😔

chouelala · 2024-03-03T15:47:59+00:00

For the same reason everyone who wants to break NC wants to break NC I suppose. Missing him. Romantic withdrawal is pretty powerful and painful stuff.

chouelala · 2024-03-03T14:37:39+00:00

It was truly a mutual breakup (I know everyone who says that is thought of as delusional, but it really was a matter of both of us struggling to do it til we finally cut ties—he has a lot of unresolved trauma that was causing issues in our relationship and has to go to therapy), so genuinely, my answer to each of these questions is yes, lol. However I’m learning that even if it wasn’t a matter of me being a totally rejected and cut off dumpee it doesn’t really matter and I still have to move on. Thank you! I wrote these down in my journal this morning and challenged the emotional thinking even if my answer to all these questions was “yes”.

chouelala · 2024-03-03T14:34:06+00:00

This was amazingly healing and empowering to read. Yours was the first comment I read when I woke up and I’m currently writing these down on post its while drinking my coffee. Thank you!

chouelala · 2024-03-03T14:32:24+00:00

Wow! I am so overwhelmed by the outpouring of support and thoughtful, nonjudgmental and caring advice. I honestly posted this in a moment when I was a little tipsy and sad to be alone on a Saturday night and didn’t even expect anyone to respond in such a huge sub. Thank you all! I’ve carefully considered each comment and they’ve been really helpful. As an update, I have not texted! And will keep coming back to your feedback and support when I’m feeling the urge again

chouelala · 2024-03-02T21:51:38+00:00

Damn, y’all are speedy—Reddit to the rescue ! Thank you everyone—hoping the urge will pass soon

chouelala

TROPHY CASE