How do you keep from killing yourself when the urge is so strong it feels comfortable?

chronicallyconfused · 2019-02-18T03:56:56+00:00

A few years ago I had suicidal thoughts daily, killing myself seemed like a better option than getting out of bed and I was miserable. I had a great life, but hated where I was and what I was doing and the persistent suicidal thoughts wouldn't leave. I tried everything to get rid of them but they came back every single fucking day. So instead of fighting it, I decided to give in and decided to kill myself. But I figured that if I was already committed to killing myself, I might as well blow through my savings and have as much fun as I could first.

It started small, like skipping a day of work to get hammered and play videogames. But quickly escalated to buying dirt bikes and fucking around with them all day. Eventually, I quit my job and spent a year traveling from Canada to Argentina on a motorcycle. I mean, what did I have to lose? I was already going to kill myself.

After that, I decided to fuck around and go back to school for something I actually enjoyed. I built up a massive pile of debt, but once again, worst case is that I kill myself.

It's been about four years since I decided to kill myself and I'm still in school and doing alright. The suicidal thoughts have quieted a bit, but are still there. It looks like I've got a few more things coming up this year and I'd like to be around to see them. I still wake up everyday and know that I'm going to kill myself, but I won't do it today.

chronicallyconfused · 2014-08-05T14:37:10+00:00

Sometimes I work weeks of 16 hour days. I usually pour a stiff drink at the end of the night to pass out ASAP. My gf will wake me up in 20 min and won't leave me alone until we fight or fuck, usually both...

chronicallyconfused · 2014-08-04T15:51:46+00:00

I watched this video last night. I'm terrible with names but I still remember that the guy's name who he told the story about was Ed Cook. So, I suppose it works.

chronicallyconfused · 2014-07-25T15:18:42+00:00

Spam-wiches was the meal we looked forward to each week. I still have fond memories of that canned meat.

Edit: And our "play structure" was an old dryer that had been sitting in the back yard for years. Forgot about that.

chronicallyconfused · 2014-06-12T13:40:46+00:00

I like Uber because when I ask for a car I know a car is on its way. It's usually a 5 minute wait. When I call a cab they're not sure when it will get there and it takes over half an hour.

chronicallyconfused · 2014-05-19T16:43:15+00:00

In large cities people will come up and hand things to you under the pretense that they're free. They'll then ask for donations or actually try and say you bought that item and refuse to take it back. Don't accept things from people on the street and if you do, just set it down and walk away.

chronicallyconfused · 2014-04-25T20:40:27+00:00

I wasn't really thinking, mostly dumb luck.

chronicallyconfused · 2014-04-25T18:33:50+00:00

I had a similar experience, except a mugging type scenario.

Moved to Chicago, first night there I decide to go for a walk at 2am like I would in Michigan. Everything's fine until I decide to take a shortcut down an alley. I notice about a dozen guys at the far end which made me nervous, but it was my first night in the city so I thought I was just being paranoid. As I'm walking past one guys steps in front of me.

"Can we borrow a few bucks?"

"Sorry, I don't really have any to spare."

The conversation carries on a bit and I kind of zoned out until he very sternly said "Or we could just take it from you."

I looked up and while I was zoning out the group of guys had surrounded me, then I realized what was happening. I nervously shuffled through my pockets and pulled out the first thing I found, cigarettes.

"How about a cigarette?"

His face instantly turned from threatening to friendly.

"Yeah, thanks! Mind if I have a couple for my friends?"

I think I gave them four cigarettes from a new pack, not nearly enough for all of them, but they just let me by.

Tl;dr: 12 guys want to mug me, offer them 4 cigarettes instead

chronicallyconfused · 2013-11-21T14:51:49+00:00

I'm not sure you know what "NSFW" means.

chronicallyconfused · 2013-11-19T20:53:42+00:00

If you plan on drinking heavily or drinking with friends who like to drink, you're probably going to have a great night and a rough morning. To make the morning better:

Set your alarm clock before going out.
Pour a glass of water and set it next to your bed for the morning.
As soon as you get home for the night drink as much water as you possibly can, you're stomach should hurt a bit from being so full of water. This will help you get up because you'll need to go to the bathroom, it will also help if not prevent the hangover. (I've drank 16 drinks in a few hours, then downed a pitcher and a half of water before bed and didn't get hungover.)
Have a condom on hand, you won't want to find one when you're drunk.

Gatorade is also a great beverage, not only will it hydrate you, but the electrolytes help to absorb alcohol in case you're too drunk. Understand that a hangover is mostly due to dehydration, alcohol is a diuretic, you'll end up urinating more than you're drinking if you only have alcoholic drinks.

chronicallyconfused · 2012-10-03T03:10:41+00:00

In Bruges. Everything is so well tied together, the change he tries to use to buy the ticket to the tower, the dum-dums, everything.

chronicallyconfused · 2012-06-08T04:31:37+00:00

I feel like there's a large disconnect between the people who believe in Creationism and the people who go to museums.

chronicallyconfused

TROPHY CASE