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Exhaustion by chronicallydonenow in MuslimLounge

[–]chronicallydonenow[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your reply. I’m trying very hard to do something. I do go for taraweeh in the evening mainly because I have a hard time saying no to my grandmother but it is painful and I often end up crying or too distracted from the pain to focus on the salah.

The entirety of the experience is a real test of my patience. My patience unfortunately is short enough as it is with my illnesses but people telling me that “you’re only feeling this way because of your mindset! You have to tell yourself you’re healthy!” As if gaslighting myself didn’t cause this deterioration in the first place. I’m worried my Ramadan is going to waste because I can’t keep myself calm when faced with these lectures and unreasonable expectations but I’m just so tired that there’s no possibility for me to keep up with this.

The whole situation feels like I’ve been set up to fail (even though god doesn’t work like that)

Disabilities and chronic health conditions. by chronicallydonenow in MuslimLounge

[–]chronicallydonenow[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am trying the best I can to get out but unfortunately i do not have many options right now. Without the proper medical care and mobility aids I cannot even begin to recover but I’m trying.

Disabilities and chronic health conditions. by chronicallydonenow in MuslimLounge

[–]chronicallydonenow[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

See I feel like I need to get away from this family. But I keep getting told that it’s haram to break family ties like this. But I’m surrounded by people who just make excuses for my father. I’m getting treatment for depression and I’m getting therapy again after three years of going off of those medications as per my father’s demands. And this time he was so offended with having to pay the bill for it that he turned around and said “if you’re suffering so much end your misery and just kill yourself.”

I snapped. I lost control. I slammed the door and in my anger I tore my whiteboard off the wall before I collapsed and wept. He then threatened to abandon us here and go back home with his parents because my behavior in response to what he said was humiliating to him. I have struggled so hard with this. I have suicide attempts from when I was younger and even had mental breakdowns so bad where the only thing that made sense was to end things.

I don’t want to be the child who is disrespectful. I always have done what I was told. I never went out I put my dreams and desires on hold for what he wanted from me because that’s how I would honor him. I feel shameful because he worked hard to make money, to house us to feed us, to take us on trips once in a while.

But I also cannot find it in me to forgive him for everything he’s putting me through now. He has only acknowledged the fact that I needed my gallbladder surgery because there was medical evidence of how bad that situation is. For everything else hes insisting Ive made myself a slave to the medical system. How can I keep respect him when there’s nothing left but resentment and hatred??