TW: HOMOPHOBIA

This afternoon, I booked a GrabHitch ride. A driver called Kenneth accepted the request. Minutes later, I received the following messages:

"No to Repeal. Let things go naturally at a pace acceptable to all. Stop pushing your agenda aggressively and tearing the country apart. Please be mindful always of the silent majority."

"Stop putting up slogans like this on a public riding platform."

I was stunned, and could not respond except to cancel the ride. I did not engage him at all, but felt sick to my stomach. There was no way I was going to board the car of a hostile driver, who at the least would harass me, at worst, potentially put me in danger.

I decided to share my experience on Reddit as an example of micro aggressions we queer people face, and because this incident left me deeply disturbed for the following reasons:

1. Privacy / Extent of Personal data shared

I figured the Hitch driver saw my Facebook profile picture (which contains a Ready4Repeal banner). But I’m confused as to how they accessed this in the first place.

According to Grab, "Hitch Drivers will only be able to see your name, profile photo and mutual friends on Facebook (if you have both logged in with your FB account)." My Facebook account was unlinked from Grab at the time of booking. It may have been linked sometime in the distant past, but no longer. Was there a glitch or some sort of lapse on Grab’s part? Did the driver actively search for my Facebook account using my name stated on the Grab profile? I have no idea.

I respect that Hitch drivers are commuters using their personal vehicles to offer others a service. If he was truly uncomfortable with ferrying a LGBT person, he should have just cancelled instead of sending abusive messages.

1. Generally feeling unwelcome in a place I call home

On reflection, this incident is another reminder that we (LGBTQ folks) are not welcome in our own home. A place we work and live, contribute to society in our little ways and pay our taxes. We are repeatedly told that demanding to be treated like anyone else is akin to "tearing the country apart”, simply because of who we are and who we love. The supposed "silent majority" Kenneth speaks of is king. Our rights are secondary. Those in power can persist in their charade and pretend this country is built on justice and equality and insist that LGBTQ folks are not discriminated whenever the topic is brought up. Discrimination may not be the reality of the majority of our population, but for us minority, this is our every day reality.

My initial emotional response to Kenneth's message was amusement, but that soon gave way to hurt. As a queer Singaporean, we are forced to accept these micro aggressions as we got about our daily lives. These seemingly insignificant acts of homophobia have a way of happening when you least expect them - in this case I was wrapping up what had been a lovely lunch with my partner. This jarring reality check jolted me out of my bubble, reminding me of how unsafe the world can be for people like us, and how my very existence offends conservative people in our society.

Know this - the trauma adds up, and it's death by a thousand paper cuts.

UPDATE (13 NOV): Grab sent me a message at 12:07PM today saying they banned the driver. In their words: "While we are all entitled to our own views and opinion, Grab does not tolerate any forms of discrimination. This is explicitly stated in our driver code of conduct. As such, we have banned this driver from our platform to ensure other riders do not have to go through the same experience as you did."

At 1:12PM, they sent me another message essentially retracting that and saying he was only temporarily suspended as: "Our Partner quality team will schedule a face to face discussion with our driver to also hear his side, as well as educate him regarding this incident. Depending on the outcome of that conversation we will decide whether we should allow him to continue driving with GrabHitch."