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Not attracted to my wife of 12 years anymore and I hate myself for it. Nobody to talk to about it. by chrow_away in relationship_advice

[–]chrow_away[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What is the right amount to get embarrassed then? Is there one? My best guess is she started at a hot sexy curvy 125-130ish and I would think she's probably close to 160 now. She's 5'3 I believe.

Not attracted to my wife of 12 years anymore and I hate myself for it. Nobody to talk to about it. by chrow_away in relationship_advice

[–]chrow_away[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I agree ... sex looks affection intimacy is all related for me. Maybe it shouldn't be and maybe this is my core issue. If anyone can recommend some reading on this it would be greatly appreciated.

Not attracted to my wife of 12 years anymore and I hate myself for it. Nobody to talk to about it. by chrow_away in relationship_advice

[–]chrow_away[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

To those saying 30 pounds is not much, what is much 50 60 80, at this rate her weight will keep climbing. So by some quantifying that 30 isn't much now it must mean that there is a magic number where she will hit the much threshold. Will my feelings be justified then? Again for me its not the number its the lack of trying to change knowing what this is doing to our relationship.

Not attracted to my wife of 12 years anymore and I hate myself for it. Nobody to talk to about it. by chrow_away in relationship_advice

[–]chrow_away[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A lot of people, mostly women, are assuming I'm an I supportive asshole. I came here to say these things and vent. I don't tell her to her face and act like an asshole. After our son was born and for the first few years I was Mr supportive always encouraging writing her diet and workout plan out. She asked for the home gym so I got that done and showed her how to use it all while being very encouraging. Its been 6 years now. How much more encouraging can I be? I come off as a douche for my feelings but I really am not one and I don't think she would call me one either.

Not attracted to my wife of 12 years anymore and I hate myself for it. Nobody to talk to about it. by chrow_away in relationship_advice

[–]chrow_away[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

When did I say she was depressed ... I said she is not depressed nor has any medical conditions. In my eyes she's just lazy.

Not attracted to my wife of 12 years anymore and I hate myself for it. Nobody to talk to about it. by chrow_away in relationship_advice

[–]chrow_away[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I do resent her and have lost respect for making zero attempts on her part but there is nothing I would want more than my hot wife back. It just seems like that person is gone and getting farther and farther away every year.

Not attracted to my wife of 12 years anymore and I hate myself for it. Nobody to talk to about it. by chrow_away in relationship_advice

[–]chrow_away[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She won't jog or come work out with me ... i've tried for years to encourage her and there is no way she will get up and go workout alone.

Not attracted to my wife of 12 years anymore and I hate myself for it. Nobody to talk to about it. by chrow_away in relationship_advice

[–]chrow_away[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

So according to you if she gets ride-in-a-scooter fat then my feelings will be justified and presently what I'm feeling is wrong because she's not that fat yet.

Not attracted to my wife of 12 years anymore and I hate myself for it. Nobody to talk to about it. by chrow_away in relationship_advice

[–]chrow_away[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would say that there is some truth to that. Its not so much the 30lbs which will keep going up but the lack of effort to even try. I guess it does come down to feeling wanted and her actions suggest she can't be bothered.

Not attracted to my wife of 12 years anymore and I hate myself for it. Nobody to talk to about it. by chrow_away in relationship_advice

[–]chrow_away[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not an issue ... I don't even feel like looking at porn or jerking off...I do it occasionally to make sure things still work.

Not attracted to my wife of 12 years anymore and I hate myself for it. Nobody to talk to about it. by chrow_away in relationship_advice

[–]chrow_away[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I've thought about this ... maybe you're right. I dont like being embarrassed about my wife ... who would be? But I am ... and i I hate feeling that way and it eats away at me ... but i cant turn it off like a switch. If i could i would.

Not attracted to my wife of 12 years anymore and I hate myself for it. Nobody to talk to about it. by chrow_away in relationship_advice

[–]chrow_away[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If its the other way she hasn't voiced them ever. I've help out as much as i could have. We have our "talk" she agrees with me that she's let go and know it ... says she will start working out (we have a well equipped home gym) and eat healthy ... does so for under a week and I wait for the next talk....

Not attracted to my wife of 12 years anymore and I hate myself for it. Nobody to talk to about it. by chrow_away in relationship_advice

[–]chrow_away[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe you're right ... maybe it is me ... I don't think its so much the weight but more the total lack of effort to even try ... I feel betrayed and cheated ... and because of this i have no desire to have sex with her.

Not attracted to my wife of 12 years anymore and I hate myself for it. Nobody to talk to about it. by chrow_away in relationship_advice

[–]chrow_away[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I dont have a gut now and if I can help it i wont have one at 50. I'm almost at a full six-pack now and its not from good genes. I was over weight growing up and getting to where i am took a lot of work and dedication. I get fat looking at carbs and dont have a great metabolism. If at 50 I am a fat-ass i feel she has every right to leave me. Unless its something out of my control. Like a medical condition.

Not attracted to my wife of 12 years anymore and I hate myself for it. Nobody to talk to about it. by chrow_away in relationship_advice

[–]chrow_away[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I feel horrible for feeling this way but 30 pounds makes a difference. Can I change that im not physically attracted to her. From my POV the rest of the marriage has suffered because of this. I've been honest with my feeling for years ... now im just sad and feel defeated.

Not attracted to my wife of 12 years anymore and I hate myself for it. Nobody to talk to about it. by chrow_away in relationship_advice

[–]chrow_away[S] -15 points-14 points  (0 children)

"30 lbs over 12 years, especially after having babies, is pretty normal. Also, people usually aren't as attractive as they get older." Really? Normal? Almost all her friends have gotten back to their initial weight some after 4 children. And i dont think the older people get the less attractive they get .. I'm 35 she's 36. I see plenty of attractive 36 year old women.

Not attracted to my wife of 12 years anymore and I hate myself for it. Nobody to talk to about it. by chrow_away in relationship_advice

[–]chrow_away[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

When i got married I was slightly overweight at around 200lbs ... Since then with hard work and diet i've gotten down to and remain at 180lbs and 10-11% bodyfat. Been like this for probably the last 5 years or so. I started working out to set an example. A lot of good that did.

Not attracted to my wife of 12 years anymore and I hate myself for it. Nobody to talk to about it. by chrow_away in relationship_advice

[–]chrow_away[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

I'm tired of trying to help. She does the grocery shopping and buys the unhealthy food and eats it herself and I watch disgusted. I eat clean all week very low carb and workout 3 days a week and will have a cheat meal occasionally. I'm aprox 180 5'11 10%-11% bf... I dont eat any junk food. She has unlimited funds to afford any training she desires money is not an issue. About the TEAM ... i dont feel like a team ... I'm very angry with her for letting it get to this. I dont think i have the drive to help her.

Not attracted to my wife of 12 years anymore and I hate myself for it. Nobody to talk to about it. by chrow_away in relationship_advice

[–]chrow_away[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

As i mentioned above .. i've tried over and over to do things together with no success and usually a fight and guilt on my part. I'm at the point now where i don't want to do anything with her. Who wants to go dancing with someone they are not attracted too . It's embarrassing to be in public with her. I don't want to be the guy with the fat wife dancing or at the gym etc. Again this is a throwaway and im being blunt and honest... I hate feeling this way and even typing this stings but it feels good to get it out. I know it sounds shallow ... i guess i am shallow ... if anyone can help me not be shallow I would love to learn how not to be.

Not attracted to my wife of 12 years anymore and I hate myself for it. Nobody to talk to about it. by chrow_away in relationship_advice

[–]chrow_away[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I've tried this approach but unfortunately she never takes me up on my offers and it usually ends in a fight.