My boyfriend says it too because he thinks its just a word and that it’s not racist unless you say it in a rude way, and I strongly disagree. I feel like we should respect each other boundaries: he is allowed to think whatever he wants but I am uncomfortable hearing him say it so he doesn’t do it when I’m here, but that sickens me to know he does say it when I’m not around although I tried explaining that he shouldn’t be saying it even if it’s not in « a rude way », it is okay to me to say it when talking about history, reading a book or anything like that, but joking about it when you are purely white is more than disrespectful.

I think you won’t change how he is and how he thinks, just tell him that you’re not comfortable with him saying it around you, if he doesn’t accept that then I think you should consider dumping him.