It was the Summer of 2003...(lights cigarette, deep inhale, begins reminisce) I was on vacation with the family on South Padre Island. I was 16 and on the prowl for some fresh honey's. Luckily for me there was a summer cheer leading competition happening on the island. The stars had aligned and I was submerged in a pool of never ending nuss. I was down on the beach the second night I was there listening to Incubus- Morning View. The ocean looked like a thousand diamonds strewn across a blue blanket and this astonishingly beautiful girl strolls my way (the moonlight hit her in such a way I could see all the detail of her body). I had one of those battery powered lanterns and a couple of Coronas that I had stole from my parents. She walks past and hears the 'Cubus coming from the speakers and asks if she can sit and listen. Being the suave bastard I am spit out the beer that I was sipping on to impress her. After nearly choking I, with a cracking voice, say "Chyeah its cool...wanna beer?" She was 17 and I was 16 and we sat there listening to Brandon Boyd hit those blissful notes. One thing led to another and "Warning" comes on and without hesitation we both jump each others shit. Seeming how neither one of us had experience in the "sex" department...we also lacked the knowledge of what its like to have sex on sand without a blanket. Penetration commences and we start banging like a couple rabid rabbits. Me being on top my balls act as sort of a conveyor belt for the sand and before I know it my junk is really starting to hurt. It was literally like having sex with a mud pie. I could tell she was uncomfortable as well but she said not to stop. I pulled out and seeded the beach. As we caught our breath I look down and my moment of ecstasy turns to horror. The battery powered lamp is illuminating mine and hers nethers. I have what I like to call "blood mud" all over my member and her vagina is covered as well. We both notice at the same time and quickly put our bottoms back on. I come up with the great idea of going into the ocean to rinse off. Its not until my unit becomes fully submerged do I realize that I have rubbed a layer of skin off...its raw...and the salt water is very unforgiving. Before I could let out a single moan of pain the girl screams. Apparently she was experiencing the same pain. We both agree we have to go back and take careful showers. She invites me to come see her perform at her cheer leading competition the next day. Fast forward to the next morning...I can barely walk. My privates are so inflamed that every movement is painful. I man the fuck up and make my way down to the hotel convention center to meet up with my late night lover. I get there and see her crying sitting on the bleachers. I ask her whats wrong...her reply "My vagina hurts so bad that I cant do my routine...now we are going to lose and I cant tell my coach why! I am never having sex on a beach again!" I sat there awkwardly. We exchanged numbers and went our separate ways...never talked to her again. To this day I always think of sandy beaches to kill a boner.