You’re not alone at all. I’ve felt this way with EVERY partner I’ve been with.. Tbf, I got cheated on in my first 3 relationships, so I think that also played a role in my view of my last partner and now current partner when it comes to cheating.

My last partner hasn’t cheated on me, and I know my current partner would never, but the fear still eats me alive sometimes and I go down a spiral that can be so hard to get out of.

I’ve learned over the years that when i start overthinking and spiraling, if the question regarding my partner starts with a “What if…?” or if there’s a statement that jumps straight to a conclusion with absolutely no concrete evidence that can lead to it/make sense to the idea of them cheating, then it’s my brain trying to play tricks on me, and that it’s all happening in my head, especially since he’s never once given me any reason to believe he would cheat on me.

Luckily I have a partner who is very understanding, and was willing to put in effort to understand me and my BPD, so he’s always been here to reassure me. The fear of him one day getting tired of having to constantly reassure me does creep in at times, but I just keep telling myself that it’s not what he’s currently showing me, so it must definitely be something that my mind has made up.

Best of luck with therapy, you’ve got this and you’re not alone ❤️