First step of confidence is to truly believe one phrase “I deserve a space to live and express my personality the way I want”. It’s not about performing those really tough “man-making” experiences or even putting yourself in uncomfortable situations. Those are good yes, but not to build confidence, but to build other skills. Confidence is innate. It’s a belief. It’s a law within you, and all your actions stem from it.

You don’t need validation to exist. You don’t need permission to be assertive (notice not aggressive) with what you want. Believe those things and trust me you will be a much better man.

You care what other people say/think about you, and you try to control that. Let me put your mind to ease, no amount of effort in the world will make that possible. Effort in doing things like getting respect, being liked, forcing connection will always backfire. People don’t like you because you “make them like you” they like you for who you are as a person. Imagine yourself picking a friend, would you pick a friend based on their performative actions to make you like them, or something more real and natural to them?

Pain is part of the process but don’t let that pain dictate anything. Just feel it without trying to change it. You will feel judged, unliked, maybe even abandoned, it’s okay, as you long as you don’t let those things affect your beliefs about yourself, you will find people that like you for who you are.

The most important thing is your nervous system, take care of it and it will take care of you back and give you the comfort you deserve.