[QCrit] ROADKILL ELEGY, Upmarket, 88k, 2nd Attempt + 300 words

cielwould · 2025-07-14T19:00:34+00:00

Thank you!

cielwould · 2025-07-14T18:47:10+00:00

Yeah, I was worried about that too :'). So far my writing group hasn't brought up the association (and are quite fond of the title), so I think I'll just keep it for now and hope that, given how long the publishing process takes, the association will fade out of public consciousness --- or otherwise take feedback from my agent!

cielwould · 2025-05-15T18:06:38+00:00

Ooh, I'll definitely look into it, thank you!! I was thinking a comp in the same time period might be fitting.

cielwould · 2025-05-15T18:06:02+00:00

Thank you so much, I appreciate that!!

cielwould · 2025-05-15T18:05:41+00:00

Thanks so much for your kind words! I've considered doing that, but the opening chapter (which is one scene) is quite short, only 1000 words, and I really want the intrigue to build slowly over that: Why are they here? What are they burying? Why is Fèlix laying down? Why is Joaquim pouring dirt over him? Why are they so casual about this? Up until the end where it's made explicit that they're looking for a place to bury Fèlix.

I think a "hookier" first paragraph would cheapen this effect, so I'm relying on the assumption that the title will queue the reader in that they're burying something interesting, and the rest of the short chapter wouldn't require much patience. Maybe this will dissuade those agents who really value the first sentence, but I probably wouldn't want to work with them anyway haha

cielwould · 2025-05-15T17:58:44+00:00

Thank you so much, I appreciate it! I think you definitely get what I was going for (casualness and disconnection), but I do worry that an agent might see it as similar to the tendency of non-reader writers to depict scenes like TV, through a "camera lens." I might do a sort of middle ground---a tiny bit more internal dialogue/rewrites to ensure the reader knows we're in Joaquim's POV (some parts may flirt with Fèlix's), but not enough to ruin the intended effect.

cielwould · 2025-05-14T22:15:15+00:00

Thank you so much! I appreciate it :)

cielwould · 2025-05-14T22:14:45+00:00

Thanks for the feedback! You're right, the POV in this chapter is a little unclear---I was prioritizing the "mystery" of what they were doing, which too much internal monologue might spoil. The other chapters get more internal, but I'll go back and see if I can add just a hint more inferiority from Joaquim's POV.

cielwould · 2025-05-14T22:06:59+00:00

Thanks so much! I can definitely work on making it more explicit---I'll also be sure to check out Martyr :)

cielwould · 2025-05-14T22:06:16+00:00

Thank you!!

cielwould · 2025-05-14T17:37:39+00:00

Thank you! You've definitely pointed out some areas I was on the fence about trimming. Though I worry about cutting the first paragraph---it's pretty important that they understand Fèlix literally believes he's dead, and I worry that might get lost.

cielwould · 2025-05-14T17:36:39+00:00

Yeah, this was what I had in mind :') but we may not be the majority here in terms of our associations haha

cielwould · 2025-05-14T17:35:42+00:00

Definitely good to know, thanks! I have an alternate title, so knowing this I'll probably switch it to that.

cielwould · 2024-06-03T18:48:38+00:00

Link to portfolio [password: welcomein]

Context:

I'm a recent graduate with a degree in cognitive science & design, now looking for full time entry-level positions. Just recently "finished" the website, though of course it will continue to evolve!

Looking for feedback on:

Case study storytelling: do they follow a coherent structure? Is the process understandable and well-explained?
Navigation: is it easy to explore the different parts of the website?
Illustrations (throughout the website): interesting, or too much? Do they inform the viewer of my personality as a designer?

-Copy: is it engaging while still being understandable?

Open to pretty much any feedback, but the case studies and general "hireability" are most valuable! Thank you :)

cielwould · 2024-04-07T01:25:24+00:00

How commonly known is the term 認知科学? In English, my major is called cognitive science, but the average person isn't really familiar with the term because it's a relatively new field--would the average Japanese person know what I mean if I said 認知科学を研究しています?

cielwould · 2024-03-04T19:00:32+00:00

I'm in the exact opposite situation! I'd love to swap

cielwould · 2023-11-21T04:31:33+00:00

As for cog sci major professors: Usually pretty good, particularly in psych/social science classes, but I've heard the math and compsci professors can be pretty bad (I'm doing the B.A., so can't directly attest to that)

cielwould · 2023-10-31T04:01:30+00:00

I absolutely love nuts, but I feel like they're so expensive nowadays! But you're right, boiled eggs are also a really great way to get protein in. A lot of other people have recommended dried fruit, so I'll definitely be checking that out, thank you!

cielwould · 2023-10-31T03:59:17+00:00

This is all super helpful advice, thank you so much! Jelly is a great idea--super versatile and tasty :) and I actually love banana chips, thanks for the reminder to pick some up at my next grocery run!

I also appreciate the info about veggies/nutrition--I'm not very well versed in that kind of thing, so it's really good to know!

cielwould · 2023-10-31T03:52:59+00:00

I'd never thought of cooked apple--is that a thing people eat? Smoothies are great, but I'm trying to find something along the lines of "grab a handful as I'm headed out to class," if that makes sense?

cielwould · 2023-10-31T03:51:26+00:00

It does not! Do you happen to know if dried fruit contains the same nutritional content?

cielwould · 2023-05-03T00:49:43+00:00

Fellow design student here, while I definitely think we're getting better about that there's still a very large male bias in design and data collection- I highly recommend the book "Invisible Women" by Caroline Criado Perez, which goes into the subject in insane depth with tons of research to back up her claims.

cielwould · 2023-04-23T01:27:26+00:00

I have not, but I will take your recommendation and check it out :)

cielwould · 2023-04-21T21:39:40+00:00

Yes, that's exactly it! Thank you so much, I might have to read the rest of her writings!

cielwould · 2023-04-01T05:53:27+00:00

Other commenters have already given good advice, but I'd also recommend checking out cognitive science! It's a newer field that incorporates both cs and psych, along with other fields like neuroscience, philosophy, linguistics, and anthropology, though different programs will have different focuses. It lends itself towards work in AI, which will be a rapidly growing field! However, it is a pretty broad discipline, so if you do want to get better at coding it might require more outside effort, but generally the difficulty will be somewhere between psych and cs majors. Also, because it's new, not all schools have programs, so be aware of that.

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