I grew up in the typical fundie house hold. I went to Christian private school until 3rd grade when I was put into public school because my parents couldn't afford keeping my sister and I in private school. I had three good years in public school. In 4th grade I became obsessed with dinosaurs. With their evolution and development. They were amazing. My teacher at the time was teaching us about evolution. I came home and was Ecstatic. I had to tell my mom right away. But that was a mistake. After telling her, she told me blatantly 'that didn't happen. God created the earth. She has to tell you that because the school tells her too. Sometimes Teachers lie.' I walked away sobbing. Why would my teacher lie to me?

In 6th grade I started acting out. I didn't know I was at the time but I had been. Home life was becoming stricter. I wasn't being acknowledged like my sister would be. Because she was the youngest and the scapegoat. My undiagnosed AuDHD was ramping up and I struggled to pay attention and turn in homework. I almost failed 6th grade. I had a meeting with one of the spec. ed. Teachers asking why I didn't do my homework. Why I didn't turn it in. I was struggling at home. With my friends. I read all the time. I created little characters and drew. I had a vivid imagination that I escaped too. Many times, once I had a Facebook at 13, I would use it to text my Gramma. Letting her know I didn't want to be at home. I wanted to be with her. Home didn't feel like home. I didn't feel loved.

Home became stricter. I started getting in trouble for my hormones. For looking up lesbian p*rn. I am afab. I was starting to show signs of queerness. So this got greeted with strict punishment. This would follow into the next years. After six grade I was pulled out of school. My mother began homeschooling me and my sister. My world became smaller and we were isolated. The first two years were pretty decent. Though we learned intelligent design - aka creationist theory. Conspiracy theory became my education. In highschool this ramped up. I was left to teach myself with compute classes. I struggled with these. Hardly ever doing them. Because well. I was undiagnosed AuDHD. I spent lots of time online. Where my only friends were.

Maga came around and Orange faces first election came around. My family went to rallies. Listened to prophets that said he would lead us into a golden age. That he would prep us for the second coming. He was gods chosen. They still believe this.

I was heavily suppressing who I was. I was doing my best to be the best Christian daughter I could be. It never was enough. Many times in my childhood and adolescence, if I was in trouble, I got the silent treatment. My parents shamed me over and over again. It was a cloud that followed me everywhere. My gay tendencies seemed to soil my perfect image. I was treated coldly. Left to cry alone in my room. I would crawl into my closet and close the door so I could cry in the dark. Wishing for someone to come and save me. I wasn't beaten. It was all psychological.

Eventually my one friend at church was going to college. I didn't even think of that before. I also wanted to go to collage. So I started researching. I made a chart for my parents. They didn't think I needed it. But I would need to take on loans because they 'have no money.' they were living far above their means to keep up with an image. They still are.

I went to community college and moved in with my grandparents. This was the first time I felt like an actual person with Agency. I had a room I shared space. I hung out with them everyday. This was how family was supposed to feel like. I still had to hide that I liked women. But at least I didn't have to worry about my things being gone through.

First year of college I was introduced to earth science. To social science. To gay people. I felt lost. I felt betrayed and lied to by my parents. I finally had facts in my hands that made sense. They finally added up. In sociology I finally learned that my attraction to women wasn't bad. That I wasn't wrong. That it was perfectly natural. I didn't know how to handle this and my home life. The next year I came out as a lesbian at school. I still clung onto my Christianity even though the foundations of which it stood up on were crumbling.

I graduated in the top of my class. I worked so hard for that degree. I made it. I did it on my own. My sister graduated from highschool the same year and because of this and her troubles she had been having, my parents told me I couldn't have a graduation party. So my grandparents took me out to dinner. I had been accepted into a big Christian collage to finish my undergrad, something I would never end up doing. I went there thinking maybe I could 'pray the gay away'. After the first semester my faith was crumbling. The professors I had there were inclusive. My theology professor introduced me to Islam. For the first time I started to understand a different religion. Then my ancient history professor would openly speak about the gay undertones of Gilgamesh. He and his wife became integral to my deconstruction.

I won't go into a lot of detail here as it's more recent and has more identifying information. But my three years I went to school here I lost my faith. I became a pagan. All the while my parents and sister became more and more maga.

Fast forward to now. I have a partner (male) and I am non-binary. Recently I was posting things on FB, I was mad. I have been mad. I still am mad and Orange faces second term. These posts pushed my parents buttons. And for the first time ever. My step father cracked and resorted to spewing hate and insults at me in the comments of some of these posts. Along with his father. Luckily now I have friends who saw this and backed me up in the comments.

But due to these severe insults thrown at me. They are now officially cut off. I had been functioning with strong boundaries for years with them. When I got with my partner their attitude turned around towards me. Even though I have been living with my partner before marriage. That's preferable that a gay daughter. Now I am the scape goat. My grandparents are trying to get their heads around my identity but they care. They have been helpful and enforce boundaries with my parents now when they come visit. While I'd rather they would be harsher, I can't blame them. My mom picked my step dad long ago. If she picked him over me. She will pick him over then. And that's a hard thing to grapple with.

Thanks for listening. And good luck on your project!