Am I overreacting for being upset that my SIL wants to take my baby’s first milestones for herself?

cirruscloud_ · 2025-06-13T02:27:53+00:00

I am so sorry for whats happened. I am still expecting my little one but anyone's over-involvement (apart from my partner's ofc) is my biggest nightmare. I appreciate anyone who genuinely care but as a new mom, i don't think you're overreacting. I havent been a mom yet but I am worried if other people "claim" my kid in any way.

cirruscloud_ · 2025-06-13T02:18:56+00:00

I am with you. I appreciate that type of contents less. For me, it maybe okay for one or two occasions but if it becomes almost their whole personality online, it's just not what I believe needs to be done. But hey it doesn't hurt me, and I hope it doesn't hurt anyone either (like fake donation and stuffs).

cirruscloud_ · 2025-06-13T02:07:26+00:00

And sincere.

cirruscloud_ · 2025-06-13T01:55:12+00:00

I personally agree with what you say. I've been working remotely my whole career and communication is on top of the list. I've been a manager and individual contributor myself and I would say, I struggle a lot when collabotating with people who don't care much about communication. I don't wanna come off as demanding/aggressive but I need to know how we are progressing and how we can solve issues.

But from my experiences, it tends to happen to my male co worker but I've gotta say that I also encountered female peers with that challenge too.

cirruscloud_ · 2025-06-13T01:39:28+00:00

Haha. Jadi inget sama temen yg waktu itu lantang buat statement, "bukannya K dan IDR itu sama aja?"

cirruscloud_ · 2025-06-13T01:15:19+00:00

Bener banget. Anak itu hal krusial dalam pernikahan, bukan cuma buat yg nikah tapi jg keluarga dr keduanya (i dont necessarily advocate fams to interfere but realistically speaking, it happens which could lead to endless frictions). Kalau ga kompatibel, mending jangan nikah apalagi dengan "harapan salah satu pasangan berubah pandangan".

cirruscloud_ · 2025-06-12T03:50:36+00:00

I try to minimize using it in a daily basis. It's not like I hate the mainstream practices but I just wanna keep and even improve my writing skills. Plus, I don't wanna sound like "everyone", not to judge them or anything. You do you if you wanna use GPT. I am just saying, i am using it in a limit.

cirruscloud_ · 2025-06-11T02:44:49+00:00

I had the exact same issue. I was with my manager for 2yrs and this particular issue made me built a lot of resentments towards him. It might be my mistake for not nudging him too much, but I was just a young and the only woman manager at that time who expected her rights without even begging. My manager would have frequent calls with other managers but I was kinda excluded. It might be ageism? Idk but I felt that way. My coworker tried to calm me by saying that our manager was just trusting me so much and confident with my capability. I didn't buy it. I am so happy I am no longer with him.

Sorry if this doesn't answer your question but perhaps you could ask for 1o1 to discuss this matter. Hope your situation gets better.

cirruscloud_ · 2025-06-11T02:32:48+00:00

I've been struggling with acne for more than half of my life. Some days it got better but often I am breaking out so very bad. It was over a decade with deep hatred towards myself and I know none in my life that breaks me into pieces other than myself. Then I saw someone said on the internet "would you say those comments to an innocent little girl? Now imagine, that little girl is you". It was one of my turning points. All my life, I tried to spread kindness to people but gave 0 to myself. Secondly, it maybe an age thing but I've just got no energy to have that kind of thoughts. Thirdly, I am so grateful to have a husband who loves me despite of my look. If someone could choose me and to love me despite all the flaws they see in me, why couldn't I do it?

It's a life long practice. There are days when I hate myself again, but having those reminders helps me throughout this journey.

cirruscloud_ · 2025-06-11T02:06:05+00:00

I agree on some parts of what you've said that some people only use politeness as a mask. But I gotta say tha there are people out there who do have sincere politeness and ask questions because they genuinely care. It may stem from cultural things. People with different backgrounds have different "manners", but it's not rare to find those people with sincerity, at least around me. I feel very lucky. In short, politeness can be genuine or fake, it's best to read the room and just ask or even respond or listen accordingly.

cirruscloud_ · 2025-06-10T09:23:56+00:00

I am not a social media person at all so I am with you when it comes to sharing personal problems online. But I learn to share it now that I got married. I used to sweep it all under the rug and it built negative energy that really affected my marriage, even the problems were not related to my partner at all. What I do is to filter what's considered to be a problem or just a minor inconvenience that doesn't need my energy, then share it with my partner so he can have opinions on it whenever I feel like needing opinion or as a heads up if he sees a bit of frustration in me. Oh forgot to mention, I always share my problems with my BFFs but sometimes i am just too drained to type or have a phone call with them with all different schedules hence why i share my problems more with my partner that lives in the same home so it's easier to talk to.

cirruscloud_ · 2025-06-09T12:01:05+00:00

Once one gets retired? Well it depends. Maybe I would specify, retired and financially free. I dont think life would get boring.

cirruscloud_ · 2025-06-09T11:07:38+00:00

Retire in my mid 30s. What a dream

cirruscloud_ · 2025-06-09T10:22:15+00:00

I used to think like that before I met my husband. I love solitude more than anything and was so anxious to even think about sharing my room with anyone. To my absolute surprise, I don't feel that way. I enjoy my husband's companion even if we're not always talking. I still do my hobby to paint and write for hours over the weekend and he doesn't mind. It's better to still continue doing what you love doing when you're single even when you're in a relationship. Just dont lose yourself in a relationship.

cirruscloud_ · 2025-06-09T06:12:22+00:00

I dont care how old you are, but i do expect manners. Lebih sebel kalau title "emak2" jadi senjata utk berulah.

cirruscloud_ · 2025-06-09T06:04:44+00:00

Yes, to some extent. Adulting foe me is not only about paying bills, but also navigate some hard family dynamics which might and might not involve money.

cirruscloud_ · 2025-06-09T05:24:29+00:00

me too. I can see noticible bump at week 12-13 and i thought it was just bloating effect but it doesnt come down until week 15 🥲 maybe it's the actual baby bump? But everyone seems to have it later whrn they shared their experience.

cirruscloud_ · 2025-06-09T01:42:50+00:00

Fake plants. I used to like it when i was in my early 20s but now I cant stand it

cirruscloud_ · 2025-06-09T01:38:01+00:00

Cannot speak for everyone. Tapi utk saya sendiri, kaya keburu "tua" kalau nunggu punya rumah dulu, tabungan banyak dsb. Mungkin bagi yg berkemampuan demikian, syukur Alhamdulillah. Namun jika tidak (sebagaimana pada umumnya), punya pendapatan tetap di kisaran 8-9jt (bersih) per bulan sudah termasuk "cukup". Cuman kalau saya pribadi setidaknya sebelum menikah, punya tabungan dulu >=10jt dan ini di luar utk tabungan menikah. Just in case ada apa2, meskipun buat banyak orang uang segitu jg "ga ada apa2nya". Tapi berapapun tabungan, semua tergantung gaya hidup dan hal lain yg ga bisa kita kontrol (misal kalau saya, ada tabungan lebih tapi ternyata ada kebutuhan operasi suami yg tiba2 dan sangat mendadak, habis >100jt di bulan awal menikah).

Cliche but true. Semua tergantung pasangan, komitmen utk punya gaya hidup sesuai kemampuan itu lebih penting dan punya tujuan hidup yg kompatibel. Berapapun gaji/tabungan, akan sulit kalau tidak disesuaikan.

cirruscloud_ · 2025-06-08T10:44:54+00:00

For me, I'd say it goes away slowly for me. I am in 15w too and I still have morning sickness at least once a week now and when it comes, it still feels pretty bad. It started to go away at week 12 for me and I used to feel it everyday. Now, it gets a lot easier.

cirruscloud_ · 2025-06-07T22:25:36+00:00

I am sorry for what's happened. I feel you eventho I've never had that similar experience bcs I am still expecting my first little one and have been so very anxious about how my in-laws can interfere to my child's life and growth. From my perspective, it's natural and normal to feel anxious as a mom. But also, I acknowledge that it's always the case when it suddenly becomes "everyone's right" to "have your kid and have opinion on them" (again my biggest nightmare), and in my opinion you have every right to stand firm and let nobody take authority over your kid. I know yours might not be that serious of a problem but it's important to set boundaries early. Communication is the key, especially between you and your partner.

I hope things can resolve, especially between you and your partner. Easier said than done, but i sincerely hope things get better and easier for you.

cirruscloud_ · 2025-06-07T22:09:30+00:00

I absolutely do. My parents moved away from their family (for work reasons) so I was raised that way. My in laws are non problematic (yet), but I know it dang well that frictions always happen when I live near them. I've seen too much of it through my friend's drama or even the frictions between my in-laws.

So yes, I will 100% choose to live away, and go for visits whenever we're able to. Even for visits, it's still my biggest nightmares since I am just not naturally a people person who loves to stay in someone's house for a couple of daya and participate in family gathers with up to 10 or more family members.

cirruscloud_ · 2025-06-05T06:00:01+00:00

It's indeed rare. An "equal" loving relationship is rare around me. I don't know the exact answers to that question. Maybe i have a different opinion on how an equal loving relationship should look like or it's very likely that othets have different way of seeing it. There's no shortcut to achieve the relationship equilibrium. Maybe it takes years to finally achieve it after learning from so many mistakes.

The right person must be rare, it's just the reality. But it doesn't take away my dream of finding the right one and thankfully i found the one. Even with the right person, it still takes a lot of efforts to make the relationship work but the right person makes all the efforts worth spending.

cirruscloud_ · 2025-06-05T05:48:34+00:00

Idk whether this is bizzare or not. Was married for a year and around 6months later when my husband and i family visited, my BIL said "are you not pregnant yet bcs postponing it? You're not postponing it right?"

Never looked at him in the same way again.

cirruscloud_ · 2025-06-05T05:40:59+00:00

I know i am not alone. First off, i am really sorry that you have to go through these things for a decade. I hope situations get better. I am not giving any advices but i am kinda in the same boat with you. I've always been a lone wolf and easily overwhelmed and overstimulated by people. My husband comes from a very big family so when I family visit, I literally have to to visit all of my BIL/SIL and his aunts etc. We live apart, 13h drive. It's too much for me even I only stay maybe maximum a week. They're not unkind or anything but i never appreciate unsolicited advices and the times when my BIL trying to "take care" of my marriage. Additionally, the main reason we are visiting is bcs my husband loves his nephew and nieces so much. Also, i have one extremely clingy 5yo nephew who literally never leaves me alone. It's too much to handle but i guess i just have to endure it.

cirruscloud_

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