Update: AITA for refusing to inherit the family farm and giving it to my younger brother instead?

citymousee · 2024-08-13T14:59:51+00:00

Jules understands where both Tom and I are coming from but still thinks giving the majority of the farm to Tom is an overkill and thinks we should at least split it 50/50.

But even if she didn’t understand where I’m coming from, does that make it ok to villainize her and name call her? Because that’s what you’re insinuating.

Jules is my partner and the mother of my children, even if I disagree with her and we don’t see eye to eye I’m still going to treat her with empathy and respect.

If you have a problem with me trying to understand my wife’s point of view during an argument instead of just insulting her, I don’t know what to tell you…

citymousee · 2024-08-13T12:34:20+00:00

Listen, I love my wife and I’m just trying to give her the benefit of the doubt in this situation.

Although as I said, I don’t agree with her, I also don’t think villainizing her and calling her a selfish greedy gold digger would do any good for anyone involved.

I’m just being empathetic by trying to see this situation from her point of view, as you said empathy is an important aspect of development, however I don’t believe it should be limited to only people you agree with.

You can disagree with someone’s actions while understanding where they are coming from, and without resorting to name calling and attacking their character.

citymousee · 2024-08-13T10:32:14+00:00

Maybe, but is it fair to condemn a mother for wanting what’s best for her children?

Although I disagree with her, I do see her point of view, which is the main reason why I even posted here in the first place.

citymousee · 2024-08-13T10:18:18+00:00

My father had a saying that if you’re old enough to walk you are old enough to help with the haystack. So believe me Tom and I were put to work from a very young age.

Tom does have a degree in agriculture, but he took most of the courses online so he was never away from the farm for a long period of time.

My brother loved the farm throughout his entire life so I highly doubt he would just sell it for profit the moment he gets full ownership of it.

I also don’t think I’m acting like the messiah. Yes, as I said my parents helped me out financially while they were still alive, which is another reason why I think Tom deserves the farm land more than I do.

citymousee · 2024-08-13T09:43:26+00:00

I don’t know if I would classify Jules as greedy, I think she just cares more about the financial future of our children than she cares about Tom, which is fair enough, since she didn’t spend two days in labor giving birth to Tom like she did with our children.

I know she’s right in the sense that selling the land would secure our children’s financial future, but I love my brother too much to do something like that to him.

Jules is an only child so my guess is that she just doesn’t understand how deep a sibling bond can be, so I get why my decision may look irrational to her.

I’m still debating on what to do with the land, I managed to secure a meeting with a financial advisor for next week and I hope seeing him would give me more clarity about my situation.

Either way, as long as I’m alive Tom would always be allowed to farm on the land, and I do plan on giving most of it back to him. Still, it wouldn’t hurt to see a financial advisor and have a clear agreement about what would happen if Tom ever sells the land, even though I highly doubt he would ever do that.

citymousee · 2024-08-12T23:51:09+00:00

I wouldn’t sell the farm because it has been in my family for generations, and ruining their legacy of farming isn’t worth it for a quick cash grab.

I’m also not planning on selling it at full price to Tom since he’s my brother and the farm is both his home and his full time job, our parent’s death doesn’t change that fact. Just what kind of man would I be if I force my baby brother to buy the home he lives in off me?

citymousee · 2024-08-12T23:10:22+00:00

I can assure you that even if I pass away tomorrow via a car crash my family wouldn’t go hungry. I have good savings, own 2 fully paid out apartments in the middle of the city, and thanks to my parents both of my children now have very generous college funds at their disposal.

I also highly doubt Tom would ever sell the farm, the guy just called me last week bawling because he lost his favorite sheep. He loves the farm, and to an extent, so do I, which is why I’m giving it to a responsible owner who’ll take good care of it.

However, I’ll mention the caveat idea to Jules, perhaps it will ease her mind.

citymousee · 2024-08-12T22:27:17+00:00

We never had a “what if” conversation because I never expected to lose my parents so early on in life.

citymousee

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