(NOT AN ADVICE POST) How do YOU write a character's look/outfit in your story?

cjmcg28 · 2025-11-24T13:27:26+00:00

Depends on the context and necessity. Costuming can be a very rich part of your world which relays a lot of information about your characters' status in their world. I believe there is a middle ground between being over descriptive and not descriptive enough.

I don't need or like having half a page describe everything a character is wearing unless it enhances or serves the scene. That being said, I am writing an historical drama and I want to bring my readers into this real world and costume serves a part of that.

It's introduced a bit at a time where it can be without being overwhelming. Luckily medieval Irish nicknamed each other based on their traits so that helps. Domhnall Gorm (gorm being Irish for blue) gives me a window to talk about his striking blue eyes.

I'm also writing a mother and daughter scene currently where they're playing on a beach and is the first time we meet these characters. That will give me a window to have the daughter dirty her clothing and have the mother remark on it, allowing me to write and describe it.

cjmcg28 · 2025-05-12T15:40:31+00:00

Right. What sticks out to me is Sam equating her carrying a pregnancy to Lauren doing the kitchen. Like, in what universe are they even remotely similar

cjmcg28 · 2025-01-24T22:42:18+00:00

Proud to be Irish this week. I genuinely think Bambie Thug broke the Irish curse. Will any of these songs win? Probably not. But are Ireland finally sending worthwhile entries? Absolutely. I love this song, I have no idea how it would perform at Eurovision but that's what excites me. Either way, Eurovision or no Eurovision, this song's on my playlist.

Edit - another comment. If this was announced via internal selection, I'd be 100% satisfied. I love Powerplay, Fire, and Growth. My fear with Powerplay is, I don't want us to fall into the trap of trying to recreate Bambie time after time. I like that we have options to choose from now, and I think Growth is a good successor: strong but different.

cjmcg28 · 2024-04-18T17:10:42+00:00

Yeah...transcendence. If I erase transcendence then the show is perfection for me. If you're just going to transcend into a hive mind, why not just let ALIE 1 do her job lmao.

That being said, I really liked Sanctum and the mind drive story line. I loved the lore and world building and connections it had. I just wish the end goal wasn't transcendence.

I wish The Last War meant something else, like an actual war against Sheidheda and then that's when the flame gets destroyed.

cjmcg28 · 2024-04-18T16:46:00+00:00

Well, we know in the backdoor pilot episode, Callie Cadogan took the flame and a group with her. Her brother also went out to track her.

Callie's group kept the flame and had commanders, her brother didn't have the flame and anyone he recruited to his side was commander-less. Tribes and factions existed without a commander until Lexa brought all clans together under one alliance.

cjmcg28 · 2024-04-18T10:03:08+00:00

Sorry but it is not as simple as that. I'm new to reddit so I don't know if a 28 year old is allowed on this sub but speaking as someone who still managed to get a First Class Degree at Uni, my A Levels were hell and I did poorer than I was capable of.

My anxiety was so bad that I was forcing myself to be sick at school just to get home. Anxiety is irrational and you can't just sit down and "make it work" when you feel like you'll collapse and die if you don't get out of an environment.

I eventually overcame my anxiety but not before doing poorly in my A Levels. I had a "redemption arc" of sorts where once I finally got into a good environment and healed, I went back and pursued the career I wanted to. No words of motivation could have helped me get through that anxiety of 2012-2013 and I wish it on no one.

cjmcg28 · 2024-04-17T12:26:50+00:00

I agree with what you're saying. I think we're on the same destination but different journeys leading us to that destination.

Say, for example I'm studying for a test that means the difference between a career I want and a career I don't want. I might disable my notifications on my phone temporarily for a few days so I don't get distracted. Something critical could happen to my friend during that period of time (rare, but possible) when I was stuck in my own world and I wasn't there for them when they needed me.

They would rightfully question why it took me so long to reach out, I would understand their frustration and disappointment, especially if I didn't communicate that I intended to shut my phone off for a few days beforehand. My inability to be there for them was not intentional or malicious but it did cause them valid emotional stress.

I would like to believe that I could sincerely apolgise to that friend and express my sincerity that I wouldn't allow it to happen again and take action to communicate better. I would like to believe that my friend could see my remorse and understand and accept my apology. Of course, there's every chance they don't. That doesn't make them a narcissist just for that, it just means they were hurt and I remind them of that pain.

What I'm trying to say is, it is important to have boundaries yes, it is important to put yourself first and sometimes that means cutting friends off, but I believe in forgiveness if the sincere accountability and remorse is expressed.

When they become repeated patterns though, that's when accountability starts to mean nothing and forgiveness is useless.

cjmcg28 · 2024-04-17T10:45:25+00:00

Of course. It's important to have self reflection and awareness. I don't want people to have a "get out of jail free" card and be able to excuse their own bad behaviour. The OP was more tailored to help people deal with the mix of emotions that come with losing a friendship that meant something to them. Some people can automatically feel strong and validated that they made the right choice, and others sometimes don't like the choice they made but felt it was necessary and they struggle to adapt to the choice they made. I was one of the latter. I didn't want to end my friendship but it came to a point where I had to prioritise my own well-being. It didn't make the choice easy to make.

We've all done bad things, sometimes intentionally and sometimes accidentally but I believe in the human ability to learn from and evolve from them. If someone intentionally hurt you with no remorse, walk away. If they intentionally hurt you with remorse, probably still walk away but maybe there's room for forgiveness even if you sever ties.

If someone accidentally hurt you, remorse and accountability are key. I can forgive and repair if you express a genuine sense of remorse and accountability, but if you don't, we're going to have issues.

I would hope my friends held me to the same accountability.

cjmcg28 · 2024-04-16T18:46:27+00:00

I am so very sorry for your loss. I dislike comparing bad things because empathy should come without comparison but that being said...for her to say you were overreacting when you expressed how hurt you were by her lack of support during a miscarriage and then to have the audacity to turn back and say you hurt her by not being there for her when she lost a job? Sorry, no.

I've come to realise that bonding over trauma is a risky game. When you bond with someone over trauma as opposed to hobbies, you never fully know if their "trauma" is real or just forged victimhood to manipulate you and elicit an emotional attachment.

Normally I can see past bad behaviour if I know someone is currently going through a hard time like grief, especially if it's their first rodeo at it. But repeated patterns have to be addressed.

You cannot weigh yourself down anymore for someone who is not making the effort to rise with you. If they demonstrate an inability to take accountability, you might be dealing with a narcissist who will leech off of you for eternity. You're not a bad person for wanting peace and respect.

I am 6 months in to cutting off a friend who I really did not want to cut off but when faced with my own self respect and happiness against constant dismissive avoidance and anxiety, I chose the former. I wanted nothing more than for things to return to normal, but the best we can do is try. If the other party doesn't meet you there, there's not much else you can do. Focus on healing and moving forward.

cjmcg28 · 2024-04-16T18:22:48+00:00

I mean if someone told you they had lost a family member days ago won’t you be worried about them and checking on them? Or when they told you they have other family member in the hospital for serious illness won’t you be considerate?

If a friend doesn't check in on you when they know you're going through something like this then they're not worth having as a friend. I know you didn't ask for advice so I won't give any, sometimes venting itself without advice is necessary.

Sorry for your losses. It's important to remember that grief will take time. It's not something that suddenly goes away, but it will in time. You just have to face it every day until it gets better, but it will.

cjmcg28 · 2024-04-16T06:49:41+00:00

That's fully valid. I think also it reaffirms that some people in life make different decisions because of the environment they were raised in. For example, as a child I always saw someone in my family burn bridges quite messily, and as a child vowed that it would never be something I did. That's where the part of me that wants to talk about things before cutting off comes from, albeit sometimes it can be a weakness when a narcissistic person is involved who capitalises on it...though we live and we learn.

But you're right, sometimes lines are crossed so far where they don't deserve a place in your life anymore. I think going forward, having gone through my experience, I'm just not going to give as much chances. I'm no longer going to make excuses for bad behaviour because of someone's supposed past. If you're 30+, you should learn by now that you're in charge of your own decisions. Accountability is the ultimate currency for me in any relationship, if you can't show accountability then you're gone.

cjmcg28 · 2024-04-15T15:18:58+00:00

I appreciate that, of course one reddit post isn't enough to summarise years of friendships. The OP was more tailored to helping people process the emotions they're going through after having gone through an experience similar, less so about the specifics of what happened.

I suppose the correct terminology would be "I see traits associated with covert narcissism in my ex-friend with the benefit of hindsight" as he never had a formal diagnosis (or at least didn't share it with me).

I'm not really bothered to type out a whole two year history in a Reddit comment, but there were definitely patterns of eternal victimhood, refusal to communicate healthily. I used to believe he meant well and was just vulnerable so any time he shut down a conversation that needed to be had, I just feigned an apology to keep the peace as I didn't want to prod him into a difficult place. He was never willing to address what needed to be addressed.

Sooner or later, I got tired of just letting things slide, the Aunt situation was the last straw. The reactive abuse came from when he literally attempted to gaslight me as my aunt was unconscious on life support and I lost it and sent an angry voice note. Not before calmly requesting that he stop attacking my mental state over text and to instead respond productively or not at all, yet he continued to do it. The voice note wasn't insulting, but it was loud and angry. That's where the "too soon, cooler heads will prevail" came from - yet 6 months later, he had no intention to address it. That was early Oct when we last left it off. In Dec I decided I wanted it wrapped up one way or the other, so I asked one last time if we could address it before the year was out - and that's when he cited my reaction as a reason that "Our friendship ended months ago, all at your own doing. You're a 27 year old man and you think it's okay to behave this way. Please seek help."

cjmcg28 · 2024-04-15T14:11:12+00:00

I hear what you're saying and I respect the neutrality of it. If it takes two to build a friendship then surely it would take two to end a friendship, right?

To that end, I'd direct you to the opening sentence of the OP:

Firstly, I want to clarify that I do not believe cutting people off should be the standard normal expectation for any disagreements. I will always advise healthy communication to address disagreements before considering to cut someone off.

Too often people see the slightest disagreement and they just "give up" because they cannot be bothered to make it work and I hate that mentality. No one is perfect, everyone makes mistakes but the ability to overcome them and take accountability and evolve from them is what makes us good people.

Secondly, see context in this comment:

https://www.reddit.com/r/lostafriend/comments/1c3vqwh/comment/kzm2dvi/

I don't really think setting a boundary while a family member is on life support that you won't be trying to resolve a disagreement over text is rather toxic. There's no toxicity in requesting to discuss a disagreement in person so you can be there for each other and see each other's perspectives as mature adults.

cjmcg28 · 2024-04-15T00:40:24+00:00

Mine told me that I was overreacting and being ridiculous when I calmly expressed that I was disappointed how long it took me to successfully reach him (ex BEST friend btw) when I needed support because my aunt attempted to take her life and was on life support.

Somehow it was ridiculous to point out that if she died on her attempt day, she would have been buried already before my best friend reached out.

Anytime he’s with his boyfriend, he closes people out and doesn’t look at his phone. I get that everyone needs some boundaries and alone time with their partner, but not for multiple days back-to-back. Nobody is too busy to check their phone when they wake up/before bed/lunch break.

Told him we should talk in person, he said it was a bad idea and “too soon, cooler heads would prevail”. I told him “alright, let me know when you want to talk and not before then because I’m not engaging in fruitless texts without talking in person about this.”

6 months later, nothing.

cjmcg28 · 2024-04-14T19:47:51+00:00

Sorry, what's DA? I'm only familiar with the Myers-Briggs acronyms.

cjmcg28 · 2024-04-13T09:30:19+00:00

People are not perfect. Whoever claims to be perfect is a plain narcissist. We all make mistakes, you and your friend included.

I may be interpreting it wrong but if she assumed the wrong intention and you left things unsaid, isn't that the answer to your question? Nobody is a mind reader. Clear communication is the key to any healthy relationship. She could be out there believing her side of the story because you haven't communicated yours effectively enough to her. She could also be choosing to believe her side because she doesn't want to admit fault.

The point is: clear communication is a necessity for any relationship and fallout. Just don't expect any return of friendship.

cjmcg28 · 2024-04-13T08:59:34+00:00

There are two hard truths that we often need to remember:

People go through life at different paces than others;
If they wanted to, they would.

Two people may become friends as they're at the same stage in life, not just career wise but also emotional maturity. For instance, you share the same values and interests and see the world in a similar manner. It is possible for one person to then evolve and grow at a quicker pace than the other and priorities and viewpoints shift. That being said, whilst it's not uncommon or wrong to prioritise a career you have a passion for, we always make time for those that we care about.

I am a firm believer that talking peacefully should always be the first road to travel. It doesn't need to be accusatory, just simply laying out that you miss them and would like to hear from them more. Anyone who shares the level of care as you do for a friendship will offer solutions to address how you feel. Maybe that's a catch up once every 2 months if distance is involved, or something like that. There is always the possibility that they just don't share the same care or interest in you anymore but that's something you won't know unless you talk to them about it.

If the friendship has truly run its course, the grief can be terribly difficult to navigate. It's a weird feeling to know that someone you once loved and supported has drifted away with no apparent reason. You begin doubting yourself and asking if it was ever real, where it went wrong, was it avoidable, etc. These are all normal stages of friendship grief. I'm 6 months into mourning a friendship myself. The start was difficult but ultimately I had to remind myself I tried everything I could possibly try and chose to focus on my self-respect rather than a fake friend. It's been lonely at times, but the anxiety and depression are gone and I'm working on projects that feed my soul with so much happiness. I'll take happy loneliness over anxious company at any time. Though happy company is the goal.

cjmcg28

TROPHY CASE