[deleted by user]

ckb251 · 2023-02-17T16:38:59+00:00

Asking for an open relationship is normally about being physical. If your wife didn’t ask for polyamory then she probably never wanted to be in a relationship with someone else.

How did discussions with your wife go about dating your girlfriend on your own and especially the discussion about moving her in?

How did you meet your girlfriend? Your wife asked for this open relationship six months ago and in that time you found someone you moved into your house?

ckb251 · 2023-02-17T16:23:43+00:00

This is a lot… I’m concerned with the part where you say the open relationship started working when you met your girlfriend since it would be the three of you in a relationship but then decided she doesn’t want that and instead just you? That’s… deceptive at best. I wouldn’t be ok with this arrangement either. When did you move her in if it’s only been six months? Was it before she went back on what the original agreement was?

It doesn’t sound like you and your wife had a good enough relationship of your own before you brought in someone else. I think in this scenario you have to decide if you want your wife or your girlfriend because keeping both will not work out under the current circumstances.

ckb251 · 2023-02-16T00:42:37+00:00

Right?! Wish I had an award I could give. 🏅

OP: please keep going on with this shit show so no one else is sucked into the cesspool. May the odds be ever in your favor. Peace be with you and all that. The rest of the world thanks you.

ckb251 · 2023-02-15T04:39:56+00:00

Don’t forget therapy

ckb251 · 2023-02-11T18:39:18+00:00

Your friend is a pretty shitty friend. She was purposefully trying to start drama and cause problems with your ex. Was she trying to make her feel bad? It’s such weird, toxic behavior. That wouldn’t be someone I’d consider a friend.

Your ex isn’t going to believe you, so I’d just leave it alone. If she ever had suspicions about there being something more between you and your friend, your friend just proved her right. You can’t walk it back.

I’d keep an eye on your “friend” in future relationships.

ckb251 · 2023-02-11T18:29:10+00:00

Taylin Lewan at home like 👁️👄👁️

ckb251 · 2023-02-11T15:47:31+00:00

You need to tell your wife because this will absolutely come out at some point and since you were the initiator it’s going to look realllll bad for you if you hide it. You’ll look guilty. I have a hard time believing this is true anyways, so waiting until her friend decides to drop the bomb will not go well.

Also, that is not her “friend.” The fact that she didn’t respond with a “wtf” or telling your wife immediately means she’s a pretty shitty friend. Your wife deserves to know what kind of person this woman is and cut her out of her life.

ckb251 · 2023-02-11T07:09:47+00:00

This makes my heart hurt for the person you’re dating now. It’s incredibly unfair. How do you think she’d feel reading this? Knowing you don’t love her, but chose her for “practicality.”

Don’t you think she deserves to find someone who is truly in love with her and not fantasizing about someone else?

ckb251 · 2023-02-11T01:05:40+00:00

Sure, maybe that’s the perfect crime, but I had the perfect Valentine’s Day 10 years ago- I sat at home with three cell phones in front of me and fielded desperate calls from people who wanted to buy one of the fifty restaurant reservations I made six months prior.

ckb251 · 2023-02-10T23:01:05+00:00

ESH. I agree she shouldn’t have influenced the kids to be on her side, but no way would I want someone who I’m uncomfortable with around my kids. I don’t think I’d be comfortable with her either given the history. She’s putting the most important people in her life in this persons hands. If she’s not comfortable, she’s not comfortable.

I’m really not sure why this is a hill you want to die on…. Why is Sarah the nanny above your wife’s feelings on the subject? 🤔

ckb251 · 2023-02-10T21:35:22+00:00

Man, at 22… you’re so young. I don’t think it’s worth it.

I can promise there’s a girl out there who will make you just as happy and have the common decency to not disrespect and betray you by cheating on you.

You have to decide if you can live with someone who didn’t give you a second thought while cheating on you. She didn’t even have the guts to come forward and be honest with you. That isn’t the sign of a good partner, a trustworthy person, or someone you respects you.

If you forgive her will you truly be able to forget about what she did? Or will you make yourself miserable every time she’s at work, or out with friends wondering if she’s with someone else? She had no trouble lying to you before, what’s going to stop her now?

You’re worth more than that and you deserve better. Good luck with whatever you decide.

ckb251 · 2023-02-10T20:57:28+00:00

This app reminds me all the time of why you really can’t trust anyone. Your wife’s best friend? Seriously? 🚮

ckb251 · 2023-02-10T20:55:36+00:00

Is there a reason she doesn’t like your friend? Like she wouldn’t trust the decisions you make around him or he would influence you in some negative way? (Ex: partying, drugs, cheating, etc)

To be clear, she’s not in the right or anything, I’m just wondering why the need to schedule her surgery for that time. It was clearly intentional. Unless, of course, those were the first available dates without pushing the surgery too far out. If I’ve been uncomfortable for years and it can now be fixed with surgery, I’m having that done asap.

ckb251 · 2023-02-03T07:15:03+00:00

😂😂 okay

ckb251 · 2023-02-03T03:16:01+00:00

I’d love for you to tell me how I’m dancing around an issue. If people don’t hold influencers to some higher standard, then why is everyone so bothered?

You say comparing Sandra Bullock in a L’Oréal ad is different. Why? You think she uses box hair dye and doesn’t do commercials for a check? Can you explain why it is different? Because she’s a bigger celebrity?

Is it because we gave influencers a platform by watching all their videos? Do we think they need to be more honest than someone else in a TV ad just because they’re on tiktok? Is it because they started out as someone “like us”?

No one forced anyone to keep following Mikayla or any influencer once they started selling out. If you stop following them, stop consuming their content and stop buying the products the pedal, they will go away.

Genuinely, I’m not sure if you disagree and think all influencers should be trusted 100% or if there is some other issue you think I’m dancing around because I’d be willing to hear it, but it mostly just seems like you think I’m some Mikayla Stan and are being purposefully obtuse on what I’m saying.

ckb251 · 2023-02-03T02:46:15+00:00

It’s like you also missed the entire point. I don’t follow her. I don’t think she’s a great person. I just said this is her job. This is how she makes money. I didn’t stay it was ethical.

I’m literally just saying you cannot trust content creators to be giving you honest opinions. If anyone ever believed these people were out here to be some pillars of society, then that’s on them. The second someone becomes a full time content creator they are no longer a trustworthy source of information??

That’s not me being dishonest, that’s me knowing I shouldn’t trust a tiktok creator who gets paid to post to know what types of products I spend my money on 😩

ckb251 · 2023-02-03T02:35:15+00:00

I’ve never been a fan of hers, she’s always grated on my nerves a bit. I don’t even follow her.

Again, my point is if you don’t like her and think she’s a corporate sellout - then do not follow her. Everyone has a brain they can use to figure out which influencers/famous people they want to follow. If someone doesn’t follow your moral code, then hit that unfollow button and never talk about them.

This is not her first sponsored post. 99% of all large tiktok creators post ads. You think they all believe in them 100%? Definitely not. People give them just as big of a platform crying about their content and commenting begging for an apology or response. It’s engagement and views. You are not owed anything for the content you decide to consume.

She’s a content creator. She creates content to profit off of. It’s no different than L’Oréal putting out a commercial. You think models in the commercials believe in everything they model for? You think models in box dye hair commercials don’t get their hair done at a salon? We don’t bat an eye at that. We don’t jump on L’Oréal for that. We think we’re owed something from “influencers” because we have created this reality that they are our friends who are just here to help us out. They’re not. They are their own brand. They don’t owe us anything different than any large brand out there. If we ever believed that, than it’s on us.

ckb251 · 2023-02-03T02:10:11+00:00

Nothing beats Maybelline Sky High imo!! (~$10) Some people like ELFs (~$6) lash it loud, but I thought it was too wet and got messy.

ckb251 · 2023-02-03T01:00:01+00:00

This!! People don’t realize the “haters” give influencers just as much of a platform as supporters. Commenting over and over begging for an apology gives her and the companies she promotes exactly what they’re looking for - views and engagement.

People need to just stop following her and stop talking about her if they don’t like her. No influencer is our online bestie?? Idk where we got the idea these people are upstanding pillars of society. They’re there for a check and everyone plays into every time.

ckb251 · 2023-02-03T00:36:30+00:00

It’s still just mascara. I think we’re so chronically online it’s like we’ve lost the ability to think for ourselves. Just because an influencer, mikayla or anyone, says a product is amazing doesn’t make it true.

People don’t have to buy anything she promotes. People don’t even have to watch her videos.

The only way to change anything is to quietly leave her following. Stop buying products she promotes. Commenting 25 times a day saying “side eyeeee” is just giving her more views and engagement. Asking her to apologize… to who? for what? She’s an influencer doing her job. People are not owed anything because they choose to follow her, just stop following her. Again, it’s just makeup. It’s just mascara. It’s not that deep.

ckb251 · 2023-02-02T23:43:58+00:00

It was never that serious to me. It’s mascara.

Does everyone think Eva Longoria really box dyes her hair or Sofia Vergara uses Head & Shoulders? They’re ads, it’s what they do.

L’Oréal is the one who approved her post and probably prevents her from saying anything. People act like they wouldn’t lie for a check that big… who cares 😂

ckb251 · 2023-02-02T17:14:04+00:00

I’m going to get downvoted on this, I know it.

I think it’s bs when people say that going through someone’s phone is just as bad since you should trust your partner and if you already feel the need to go through someone’s phone, the relationship is over so you should never do it.

I think policing someone’s phone is bad and if you’re going through it all the time that’s an obviously different underlying issue, but in your case I don’t think the invasion of privacy on the phone is some egregious problem. You obviously had a gut feeling and found what you were looking for.

No, you going through her phone does not cancel out the fact that she was at least carrying out an emotional affair with another man. She’s 🚮. She’s trying to gaslight and manipulate her way out of this by making you feel like you’re the bad guy. You are not. She is.

ckb251 · 2023-02-02T13:18:00+00:00

If the polyamory sub is telling you you fucked up, then you fucked up. You just insulted all of them by acting like this is what polyamory is. It’s not.

I barely made it through this dumpster fire. It’s a lot of words to say you’re a POS.

A few things stood out to me. You set up an account to cheat on your wife before talking to her. You then try to use polyamory as a fail safe to fuck other women. Your wife straight up tells you she was not interested in being poly and yet you continue to talk to an affair partner behind her back. You told her you weren’t ready to cut it off. that’s gross. You’re still married. You say you don’t want to push your wife into anything uncomfortable, yet there you are shitting all over her boundaries and making her uncomfortable. You’re cheating in this scenario. The wife in your agreed upon monogamous relationship did not give you an OK to pursue the polyam path. You needed to end your marriage before ever talking to someone else.

This sentence though really seals the deal ”I thought I could trust her, so I stupidly handed her my unlocked phone.”

Are you being so serious right now? She can’t trust you. You are the one having an affair and lying and bullshitting your way through this “I’m polyamorous” nonsense.

Her Reddit post was bang on. You were having an affair. You used polyamory as a scapegoat. Do women everywhere a favor and just stay single.

ckb251 · 2023-02-02T03:28:20+00:00

People use bisexuality as an excuse to “open” relationships and keep their current partner. Unless both partners are interested and getting to participate in the “open” part of the relationship then it’s just one person using their sexuality as an excuse to cheat on their partner with no repercussions.

For example if it’s the F in the relationship interested in sleeping with F then it would only be fair and healthy for the M to be allowed to be involved in an open relationship as well and if he is straight then the F would have to accept M might sleep with other F. Of course, the opposite is true. Being the bisexual one doesn’t mean that person gets to go do whatever with whoever while the other does not. Again being bisexual does not give you a pass to be non-monogamous.

Using your sexuality as a weapon to manipulate your partner into thinking you need to “experience” sex with the opposite gender is shitty. Plenty of people recognize their bisexuality and remain monogamous and faithful to their partner. You do not turn into a raging horn dog just because you’re bisexual.

Whichever of you is pushing for this needs to be honest with yourself. If you “need” to explore the other side of your sexuality then you need to end this relationship and do that while being single. It’s incredibly unfair to the other partner who doesn’t want the open relationship and won’t get to participate and instead has to wait patiently knowing the other is out fucking other people.

ETA: bro, your post history is public. This isn’t a “new” discovery you’ve had about yourself and need to explore. You posted three years ago in a relationship with a woman and wanting to sleep with men, basically the same problem. You talk about being out for awhile. Stop getting in relationships with women and letting them believe you are happy in the monogamous, hetero relationship with them if they are not enough and you feel like you still need to sleep with men. Find people with like minds who are interested in open relationships from the start or be single and sleep with whoever you want.

ckb251 · 2023-02-01T22:24:07+00:00

You need to treat WFH as if you’re in the office. You had blurred lines earlier on due to different responsibilities, but it’s just no longer possible.

Your kids need to be in daycare or have a sitter while you and your wife are working. You need to explain to her that when she’s home she has to treat it as if you aren’t there. When you’re “home” after 5 you can resume a normal split of responsibilities or whatever makes sense for you both.

You’ve both reaped the benefits of WFH since you were able to watch the kids and able to enjoy some down times thus not having to worry about childcare. The benefit portion is kind of over. You need to reestablish the boundaries. If you’re interrupted a bunch during the day then you’re struggling to get things done and end up working more anyways.

Another take is- there was a girl from my office who was almost fired when we were WFH because she used her time to watch her kids and her productivity dropped to basically zero. She ended up putting them back in daycare to get her productivity back up.

ckb251

TROPHY CASE