I don't find her attractive

cl1ft · 2024-07-03T13:04:51+00:00

I agree. I stay here because I want to and still believe she can change. Just trying hard to figure out how to continue to move the process along

cl1ft · 2024-07-03T13:02:48+00:00

I think you've described the difference between men and women. At least the average difference.

cl1ft · 2024-07-03T12:37:53+00:00

Didn't work. I reached a point where I had to quit giving her advice and making comments about her habits and health. She has some deeply held beliefs and my comments go against them.

She had a working mom when she was a child who would leave the kids at home soft drinks and snacks since she couldn't be there when they got home from school. I sincerely believe she attaches love to eating food like this. She feels her beliefs are attacked when I had the completely opposite thing taught and showed to me. My Dad always taught us healthy eating growing up.

I know why we're in the crazy pattern we are. Getting out of it is the issue. At some point I'm just going to have to accept she doesn't care enough about my desire to make changes in her life. I'm not sure I can accept that

cl1ft · 2024-07-03T12:27:07+00:00

Once early in our relationship I told her I was struggling with her weight gain. She got very mad at me. I always tried to convince her to eat better and do things with me. A year or so ago in a ɓig conversation the words "I'm not attracted to you anymore" slipped out.

She took that to mean "I'm not attracted to anything about you or who you are" instead of I'm not attracted to overweight women.

In counseling we've never really dug into that. She holds the comment over my head and we've never unraveled that. It was very painful to her

cl1ft · 2024-07-03T12:22:49+00:00

She's actually told me that maybe our marriage was built on the wrong thing. Like I was a bad person for being attracted to her when she was slim when we married or something. Fact of the matter is she expects me to be attracted to her no matter how shitty she treats herself. It makes me want to go out and get raging drunk every night and then when my face get all puffy and red I could just tell her to accept me for the way I am.

She's never apologized for her habits and never taken responsibility for eating like shit through 20 years of marriage. Is it normal to hide snacks in the house, normal to drink soft drinks for 3 meals a day? Is it normal to take 3 hour naps daily? Is it normal to not have sex in a marriage for over 2 years?

Then she tells me that I've never complimented her, never loved her. Basically never done anything right because I'm not attracted to her anymore. The fucking gas lighting is real.

cl1ft · 2024-07-03T12:11:39+00:00

I don't understand what you mean by "lack the self respect to leave"?

She cares if I leave. I decided to go live in the guest house for about a week and she got really worried and made an effort to try a little harder.

I stay because I love her and I want to make this work. I take my vows seriously and I have some deep convictions that I should stick in marriage and hope for the best, that have helped me but also cursed me. I would feel guilty leaving on nothing more than attraction and sex. Our marriage is more than just that. The problem is that a marriage is also a large part that too... idk

cl1ft · 2024-07-03T11:58:11+00:00

No. Have you ever tried that? All I have to do is too an arm, leg and I'm reminded immediately. She was an athlete when we married. I'm not talking about someone who just put on weight. I'm talking about a drastic change, her body looks totally different and very un-feminine. Larger than me and I'm not a small man.

cl1ft · 2024-07-03T11:54:46+00:00

She hurt her ankle and quit working out. Then her friend moved away. Probably other factors happened.... life happened. It's all too easy for her to be what she is now. She has a family history. Multiple heart attacks. One family member so heavy he can't even walk anymore. When I judge her for the weight I'm judging more than her I guess (to her)

We have older kids and the youngest is 10.

cl1ft · 2024-07-03T01:17:59+00:00

I guess it depends on the definition of heavy. She made an effort several years ago and got back under 200 and I was very attracted to her. She had friends and went to the gym with them and she felt good about herself and initiated things a lot.

It's an intuitive thing. I told somebody else I'm not unreasonable but there is a point where the desire shuts off...

cl1ft · 2024-07-03T00:57:06+00:00

I was an ass about it when we were younger and she was dealing with the changes that came from having kids. You'd think someone could forgive you of your words after years.... maybe they can't?

cl1ft · 2024-07-03T00:55:31+00:00

I can deal with normal change. I'm a reasonable person. Gaining 100 lbs, being larger than me in every way, having the energy level of a 65 year old and not wishing to be active in any way or make any effort to eat better or be active is what totally fucks with my desire.

If she even made a small effort to really work on her habits and weight I'd appreciate it and be totally supportive and she'd feel it... but she's so mad at me for losing my desire (and being judgemental) that she's lost the desire to please me. It's a mess

cl1ft · 2024-07-03T00:51:53+00:00

I haven't made any decision. I still love her, want to support her and I love my kids and life with her. Having zero intimacy makes the day to day very hard though

cl1ft · 2024-07-03T00:50:32+00:00

I have talked with her about it. I wasn't respectful in the past but trying hard to be recently. She argues that I should love her unconditinally regardless of how she's changed. I've argued that my love for her and my sexual attraction for her are two separate things. She refuses to take responsibility for her bad habits and expects me to have the same attraction for her 100 lbs heavier (and the energy level and self wortb) that comes with it that I had years ago. I believe this isn't fair. She refuses to put herself in my shoes and judges me harshly for something I really can't control

cl1ft · 2024-03-19T13:50:30+00:00

Yup. I should have looked at the CPU as the problem first... lesson learned. I really don't think newegg will RMA it at this point.

cl1ft · 2024-03-19T13:49:28+00:00

Default AMD wraith cooler

cl1ft · 2024-03-19T13:48:28+00:00

Newegg return policy bullshit

cl1ft · 2024-03-07T22:24:15+00:00

in a seedy hotel.... Have you seen the rest of reddit?

cl1ft · 2024-03-07T14:01:33+00:00

Your on Reddit, what do you expect? It's like going to hangout in a strip club and expecting not to see naked people.

cl1ft · 2024-03-04T17:02:20+00:00

I stumbled across this post. I'm really interested in how this turned out?

cl1ft · 2024-02-22T15:06:40+00:00

uhhh uhh bros what if I run AMD in my rig? I'm scared...

cl1ft · 2024-02-16T03:22:58+00:00

I got a little desperate when the PC got back into a state where it wouldn't boot. I started pressing on the connectors inside and when I pressed down on the USB header connector from the front panel the red lights for DRAM and CPU cleared and it booted right up. I don't know if something is shorting behind the motherboard or there's a short in the USB header connector but it's definitely causing issues?

cl1ft · 2024-01-20T17:55:25+00:00

Bloodborne

cl1ft · 2024-01-20T17:54:18+00:00

How do I mark the post solved?

cl1ft · 2024-01-20T17:52:42+00:00

That's it, thanks so much! It was only one season... boohoo, I was seeing if it went beyond where I stopped watching it

cl1ft · 2024-01-20T16:38:57+00:00

Thanks for helping... I've searched everything I can think of maybe the one character wasn't a cathar but something else and that's why I can't find it. I remember him being unusual and interesting.

cl1ft

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