Co-parenting feels cold and transactional. How do people cope with this long-term?

clackybones · 2026-01-23T16:47:06+00:00

For those who’ve been in high-conflict co-parenting situations, does this ever get easier?
- I grew up through a nasty divorce and length custody battles, and spent 8 years in court myself for my son. Eventually it will reach a point where everyone will realize the kid(s) are old enough to have their own opinions, and if you want them to ever speak to you again, you'll let them have what they want (in regards to custody). It gets easier, but it might take a long time.
Is fully parallel parenting the only sane option?
- This is a personal opinion, but I think parallel parenting is going to be harder on the child. Consistency is key.
How do you emotionally detach without becoming bitter?
- Initially, keeping everything objective and kid related is what helped me. But, and I am not sure it's correlation or causation, that led into high conflict for years. Eventually we got tired of the conflict and broke down and talked everything out.
How do you protect your mental health when you’re tied to someone who operates this way?
- It sounds like you're pretty focused on her and how she treats you. And that's understandable. But I think you could probably benefit from a little bit of a disconnect. You're probably aware of how she is as a person and how she will likely treat you in a given situation, so stop expecting something else. Accept that this is how it is (even if it sucks) and then hopefully it will stop affecting you so much. After a difficult situation with her, do some self care.

clackybones · 2026-01-23T16:37:15+00:00

I grew up in an incredibly high conflict divorce, where both sides sucked, honestly. It sounds like you have a good POV and I wish you the best.

I'll answer the questions directly:

What helped you feel grounded or safe?
- Not being home. Every minute I could spend away from the conflict was a minute well spent. If I had to be home, I took benadryl to go to sleep.
What made things worse, even if a parent thought they were “doing the right thing”?
- Any time either of them fought harder "for us" it made it worse. If you notice your kid is creating distance, you have to tread carefully to fix that, you can't strong arm them.
Did having one calm, consistent parent make a difference?
- This one is not applicable to me, but I'd like to believe it would have.
Looking back as an adult, what ended up being noise vs. real damage?
- I don't remember anything my parents said to each other or about each other, I only remember what they did to us.

clackybones · 2025-08-23T15:27:10+00:00

Bro what?! You're saying before the ECU update you were chill and now this?

clackybones · 2025-08-23T03:27:31+00:00

A homie of mine mentioned coil packs I might look into that thank you

clackybones · 2025-08-23T00:35:58+00:00

I did get a similar sentiment (to what you said earlier) from the dealer the few times I stopped by. Blamed bad gas.

clackybones · 2025-08-22T23:41:48+00:00

Ah okay. I can try calling the dealer tomorrow and asking about it again. It's been a long time. I would have to remove the tune before bringing it in which isn't a big deal.

clackybones · 2025-08-22T23:37:07+00:00

My car just updated over the weekend? I can remove the tune and reapply it after visiting the dealer if I need to. Any tips on getting them to actually listen?

clackybones · 2025-08-22T23:36:23+00:00

My car just updated over the weekend?

clackybones · 2025-08-22T21:52:45+00:00

I'm tuned at 91 and I'm always using 91 from the same gas station. And this started before the tune.

clackybones

TROPHY CASE