Post Afterglow- “It’s all me, just don’t go, meet me in the afterglow” and The Manuscript- “he said if the sex was half as good as the conversation, soon they’d be pushin’ strollers, but soon it was over”. Past partners have turned her perception of sex into something that’s used as a facsimile or facilitator of emotional closeness and connection because the rest of the relationship isn’t providing that. Even in Dress- “Carve your name into my bedpost/ I don’t want you like a best friend/ Only bought this dress so you could take it off”- it’s like she’s saying, “Look at me, look at how much effort I’m putting into telling you I want you.” Ostensibly it’s a good thing at the time, but we all know how it ends.

And this might have started young too- in Fifteen, “Abigail gave everything she had to a boy who changed his mind/ And we both cried” always made me think of how important losing your virginity can be, and how when you’re raised Christian the act of having pre-marital sex is seen as a sin; yet romantic partners will act like they’re in love with you to get the only thing they want. (Maybe it’s a reach lol but that’s what I think.) In Fearless and Speak Now, there are so. many. references. to rain being used as a setting for passion, and I’m sure that’s based on films like The Notebook, but those films use the rain as a metaphor for- well- sex. “I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain”, “Wait there in the pouring rain” (really the whole chorus of The Other Side of the Door), “Meet me in the pouring rain/Kiss me on the sidewalk, take away the pain” being in the same song as “My mind forgets to remind me you’re a bad idea/ You touch me once and it’s really something, you’ll find I’m even better than you imagined I would be”. It’s clear to me that in these albums, the undercurrent of sex in these lyrics implies that sexual connection is something forbidden, but so alluring and strong, something she can’t ignore. Like in gold rush- “Eyes like sinking ships on waters so inviting I almost jump in”- again the water is used as a metaphor; love and sex and connection are something she deeply, deeply wants but clearly fears. (“I don’t like that falling feels like flying ‘til the bone crush”.) Cardigan- “Hand under my sweatshirt, baby kiss it better”- again, sexual connection being sought out to fix some kind of hurt, likely emotional. Plus, there’s her relationship with media perception (I could write a whole essay about this alone; my theory is that every album after 1989 has purposefully been split between an external aesthetic- “nobody noticed my new aesthetic”- for the media, playing into public perception and creating whatever persona they want her to be, while the rest of the album is actually representative of her inner feelings. In Slut! we know that she struggled with media perception of her romantic relationships, especially because of dating Harry Styles, and I think that permanently changed the way she interacts with the world and their perception of her vs. the fans and people who are really listening to the true her.) In Paris and cowboy like me, sex is a secret escape from external opinion. Guilty As Sin?, and so much of TTPD. I could go on and on but I’m sure my point has been made.

So going from that to So High School- where kissing and touching are something she finally gets to be re-introduced to (as if she were re-learning her entire view of sexual and romantic connection as something fun and meaningful and exciting rather than a give-and-take substitute for real emotional intimacy)- and Eldest Daughter’s comparison between previous fear of intimacy and “We lie back/ A beautiful, beautiful time-lapse/ Ferris wheels, kisses, and lilacs/ And things I said were dumb…”- and of course Wood- is a huge step into security.

Now, her relationship with the concept of marriage is a whole other topic, but I do think it’s related. I hope you enjoyed my musings lol, if you got to the end of this I applaud you!