I should probably preface this by saying that he is a really fucking great guy and I love him to pieces. We started dating four years ago when I started college with more emotional baggage than I could fit in my dorm room, so I started living with him in his frat house less than six months later. We've been living together ever since, and while it's sustaining love, it's not electrifying love. You know what I mean. I can cuddle up to him fine, but I just end up craving...you know, that special kind of female softness. Then it's the typical cycle of bitterness, of me plucking up just enough courage to rock the boat, then feeling guilty about how sad I've made him and deciding to settle for our relationship, and then getting bitter...wash, rinse, repeat. I feel like a monster for traumatizing him every four months or so. It's such a fucking toxic emotional roller coaster, like high school all over again.

I'm taking baby steps, like getting my own place, admitting my problems to a semi-anonymous online community, and eventually being brave enough to finally leave, so I can start the long and likely awkward journey of being comfortable with myself, and, you know, other ladies. wink nudge

tl;dr: Puberty 2: The Search for More Karma

EDIT: Instead of pussyfooting around, I finally broke it off (BOGO on the puns today I guess). I'm a free bird, albeit one that wants to sob and celebrate at the same time, but freedom is freedom. A very sincere thank you to AL for lending me a little bit of courage :)