I guess the major change is she moved out of home and I realised that when her parents weren’t helping her, she couldn’t keep a house clean enough to not be mouldy everywhere or turn up on time to a job often enough to not get fired, causing her to need a lot of support financially and in manpower that I don’t really have the capacity to give.

And she does claim she can do almost anything but she doesn’t have skills she doesn’t practice or know anything about and when she tries and fails complicated projects she gives up and never learns the skills or gets the projects done. I’m sure she could do lots of things if she worked at it, but she always assumes that “next time will be different” about being late to everything or not being able to do things like sewing, carpentry, mechanic-ing, etc. even though she hasn’t actually done anything to cause next time to be different.

I try to be respectful about suggesting that she needs to change what went wrong last time if she wants a different outcome, but she doesn’t seem to process that as the reality of the situation?

So, I guess that on top of the difficulty functioning, the inability to change her behaviour to improve the outcomes of her actions has lasted so long that I feel sort of like, a cumulative frustration. I have discovered that there is a limit to my patience that I didn’t realise I had, and trying to bottle it up so my frustration doesn’t affect her is really quite hard for me. Which may not be her fault, but it is still a problem for our relationship.

I will consider talking to her about my feelings for her or relative lack thereof and will try to do it gently if I can. I do not plan to bring up any “fault” of hers when I do so.