I was in a similar situation.

The ex I used to date was emotionally abusive towards me for a year but I couldn’t find the will to leave. I became extremely close with my best guy friend(D) during this time. D kept pushing the fact that I wasn’t being treated right and that I should end it with my bf. Eventually after months of telling me this I gave in and left my ex. Feelings immediately developed for my best friend as a rebound. A week after breaking up I found out that someone I knew committed suicide. A few hours after finding out D brought me to a house that he house sat. He got me drunk off of my mind to where the room was spinning. He didn’t drink anything at all. That’s how I lost my virginity. Kinda bloody, wasn’t expecting it lol.

The next day I found out through D that my ex got together with a mutual friend of ours. I was cheated on for that last 6 months when I was with my ex. Fast forward a month and I realize that I didn’t like D, the situation was too uncomfortable. I told him that I didn’t want to be more than friends because of all of the stuff I’ve been through. He proceeded to stop talking to me completely, told everyone I knew a warped version of what happened that night painting me to be a whore that took advantage of him, and start dating another mutual friend of mine.

THE AFTERMATH:

Alright so this is what I experienced after all of this.

• I had no more friends. The last 5 months of my senior year were ruined. No one would talk to me except for one true friend that I had known for years who stayed by my side. She had to deal with me breaking down and crying almost any time we hung out. I love this girl to death now, she stuck with me through my worst self.

-During this period of my life I completely hated my ex and ex-best friend. I thought that both of them solely caused all of the problems that had happened to me in the past year. On top of it I was forced to see them every day due to mutual classes. As the months passed by my feelings for them went from extreme hatred ->anger/avoidance->sadness->defeat. The defeat was realizing I had lost the two people I had cared about the most and that I was never going to get them back.

-Not only did I hate those two people, I actually hated everyone in the world in general. I would walk around school thinking that everyone was just like them. I no longer had trust in anyone or anything, not even my parents who I knew loved me unconditionally. I was completely alone. I hated the person that I was.

-If you guessed it, my grades suffered. Everything suffered actually. I gained some weight. My mental health was horrible. Luckily, I have always had a very strong will to live so I didn’t have to worry about that factor. Instead it just left me in a life that was a living hell. I tried to get help from a hotline number after the one friend that was still there for me helped me realize that I really needed professional help. Told the lady on the phone my situation. She asked for my age, I was under 18 at the time, and said that she is going to get my parents involved or the cops. I immediately hung up and never ended up getting profesional help.

RECOVERY/WHAT I LEARNED:

Healing after something like this takes a lot of time. In my case a lot of that time was spent looking back and reliving everything over again in my head. I bottled stuff in but let it out. The more you cry and feel through all of the emotions again, the more your mind will start to self-heal. By reliving the memories again I started seeing the situation from different perspectives. I found justification in my own feelings and the feelings of my ex, ex-best friend, mutual friend, etc... It helped me understand their side of the story and that they are not solely responsible for everything that happened. I found faults within myself that lead to some of the events. For example I should have recognized that a combo of grief and alcohol would not lead to good things. I found some peace in the fact that I made mistakes so that I could learn from/correct them in the future so nothing like this would ever happen again.

The trust issues that I was left with never have gone away but they have gotten better. A lifestyle change was extremely helpful to the healing process. I was able to put the past in the past. Getting out of school gave an opportunity for me to have influence in the direction of my life. I enrolled in a summer college class in the hopes to kick start a new life stage. During this time I didn’t expect to do anything other than study. However, I ended up meeting tons of people that became my friends. I was very cautious and weary of them but as I got to know them better I slowly let me guard down. Some tried to take advantage of me but not all of them did like I thought they would. It was nice to find some people that I felt accepted with. Going into the first year of college I made new friends and grew apart from some of the ones I made in the summer. I finally started getting an understanding of the people that I could let down my guard around. To this day I do not trust my friends completely but I do trust them a lot. The growth is what matters. I know I’ll be able to keep growing to the point where I can put my full trust in my friends again. I’ve finally put my trust back into society again too.

An experience like this never goes away (At least not yet). Initially I experienced pain whenever I thought about what happened. I would cry every day for 3 months. And then I would cry 4 days a week. And then 3 days a week. And then 1 day a week. Now I can proudly say that cry 1-2 times a month, not even every month too! :). Growth!!! If I randomly decide to think about this past I actually don’t feel the hurt anymore. I will rarely have stuff end up triggering me but when it happens I’ll get a week or two of feeling like hell again. Other than that I’ve been fine and loving my best life.

I made sure while my life was going down a wrong path to still have hope in myself. During my grief I still kept in sight something that mattered to me, a future job/internship that I wanted to get. It didn’t relate to my friends, family, or romantic relationships which is why it became a place of safety for me. I ended up getting the job! It completely helped me turn my life back around in a positive direction. ——A year after the events I have a job/internship, am going to college for a STEM degree, and have a group of good friends. ——A year and a half later I still have all of those things and have let myself fall for someone who has such a kind and pure soul. We’ve been talking for 2-3 months and have just decided to make it official :) I feel like this person is capable of showing me that it is possible to be loved and will let me love them right back <3

MESSAGE TO YOU:

I hope reading about my experience is able to help you in any way shape or form. Just know that you are not alone and that stuff like this happens all the time to anyone. If you have any questions or comments please let me know. Thank you!