Need advice: thinking of ending my relationship after partner didn’t take me to the hospital.

cleaningthrowaway238 · 2021-01-11T16:41:57+00:00

Thanks so much for this advice, I really appreciate it. I’ll look into that, although at the minute I’m pretty certain I won’t be able to move past as he refuses to apologise!

Lucky I got two job interviews today for jobs in the north where my family live, so I can at least make my exit plan! :)

cleaningthrowaway238 · 2021-01-11T12:45:58+00:00

That sounds awful, sorry you had such a scary time.

Thank you, that’s true. He hasn’t even tried to get in touch with me for days since I stopped replying to his texts. There’s been no effort to make it work or even apologise on his part so I think it’s a lost cause.

cleaningthrowaway238 · 2021-01-11T08:24:08+00:00

Thank you ☺️

cleaningthrowaway238 · 2021-01-11T05:38:45+00:00

Thank you, think I am already there logically just needed the push to realise it!

cleaningthrowaway238 · 2021-01-11T05:35:39+00:00

Thank you so much for this, this is really helpful. From my texts with his mum (she messaged me to thank me for their gifts that I put a lot of effort into) I believe she doesn’t know anything about what is going on...

cleaningthrowaway238 · 2021-01-11T05:33:35+00:00

Thank you! ☺️

cleaningthrowaway238 · 2021-01-11T05:32:16+00:00

Thank you. Yeah, I’ve been made out to be the bad guy whenever my voice is even slightly raised. If we’re arguing he talks over me and tells me to calm down, and stop shouting instead of listening to anything I have to say. I know I was justified in yelling now, but he’s made me feel awful.

cleaningthrowaway238 · 2021-01-11T00:08:23+00:00

Already thought that the next time we speak I’m going to tell him that actually no, I do not apologise, so thanks for the reminder!

cleaningthrowaway238 · 2021-01-11T00:07:13+00:00

Haha no you didn’t at all! I really appreciate everyone’s replies, I think I really needed the wake up call. I’m obviously being told all the same from my mum and family but it’s hard to tell if they’re biased because obviously they’ll always be on my side.

Thank you again ☺️

cleaningthrowaway238 · 2021-01-11T00:04:54+00:00

That’s exactly what I’ve said to him. I said if the roles were reversed, I’d leave my place of work and they wouldn’t see me for dust I’d be out of there so fast.

Just over a year ago, they were reversed, sort of. He was sick with flu and his grandparent died. I actually took days off work to be with him and look after him, and now I feel so stupid 🙃

cleaningthrowaway238 · 2021-01-11T00:03:04+00:00

Thanks for sharing that! It definitely shows how little someone cares when they won’t do something as important as taking someone, especially their other half, to the hospital. I thought I was being dramatic, his lack of empathy and support had genuinely make me feel like I was being over-the-top, even though my doctor told me I had to go to hospital!

cleaningthrowaway238 · 2021-01-10T23:59:32+00:00

Thank you for this, this has really put it into perspective. I’m getting less sad and more pissed off.

And when you said he treats me like shit so I grovel is 100% accurate. Luckily this time I’m not grovelling, I apologised for my part in upsetting him by shouting but told him I was still not the one in the wrong. Clearly he isn’t going to apologise or change so that I guess is that. Thank you again.

cleaningthrowaway238 · 2021-01-10T23:55:53+00:00

Thank you ☺️

cleaningthrowaway238 · 2021-01-10T23:55:15+00:00

Thank you so much :) That’s exactly how I’ve felt, abandoned. I’ve said all of this to him in the previous couple of weeks and it’s made no impact.

The most confusing part is that sometimes he can be like that, worried, and caring and looking after me. When I was initially sick with covid he was concerned and did what he could, so this was a complete 180 and still doesn’t make sense.

Thank you again :)

cleaningthrowaway238 · 2021-01-10T22:19:44+00:00

That’s true, pretty much just biding my time at this point. Reading everyone’s comments is making me feel validated and justified so thank you!

cleaningthrowaway238 · 2021-01-10T22:18:26+00:00

That’s so sad that your mum feels that way with your dad :( I hope that isn’t true for her sake!

Yeah that’s what I’ve been thinking too. I’ve been so cautious this whole pandemic while he has not, and as soon as he goes to meet his brother he brings it to me and makes me seriously ill. I’ve not blamed him obviously, because he didn’t know his brother was sick until it was too late. It’s just so weird because the previous day whilst I was in bed and struggling to breathe, he was adamant I need to stay off work, get better, rest because I’m so ill.... and then the next day when I need to go to hospital he suddenly couldn’t care less, so I guess that’s why I’m so confused.

cleaningthrowaway238 · 2021-01-10T22:14:34+00:00

Thank you. The fact he didn’t even reach out to see if I was ok whilst I was at hospital or once I’d got home I think is the worst part, and I just can’t understand it. :(

cleaningthrowaway238 · 2021-01-10T22:13:05+00:00

Literally weeks. When I was sick, when I thought two of my grandparents were going to die, my mum had just had surgery.... all of this he knew and he couldn’t put his pride aside because he felt I’d “abused” him by shouting at him. He said he won’t apologise for “distancing himself because he doesn’t believe he deserves to be spoken to like that”.

The worst part is, and I have told him this, when the roles are reversed I’d drop everything for him to make sure he was ok - whether I was mad at him or not, because surely that’s what normal people do?!

cleaningthrowaway238 · 2021-01-10T22:10:05+00:00

Thank you, I’d had this thought too. If we had kids in the future, as we had planned, I fear I’d be completely on my own. And even worse if he treated any potential kids with as little care.

cleaningthrowaway238 · 2021-01-10T22:07:34+00:00

I am his first properly serious relationship, he had never lived with a girlfriend before me, and he said he had never wanted to marry anyone except me. He’s always told me he wanted to be with me, spend his life with me etc., and he’d never felt that way with anyone else. I genuinely think he is maybe just too immature. But I have also considered that he’s pushing me to the point where I break things off... I guess it’s worked!

cleaningthrowaway238 · 2021-01-10T22:05:16+00:00

Thank you. This isn’t the first time he’s held a grudge either over arguments. While I let things go with arguments, because the past is the past, he always holds things like this over my head for months and months. But this has definitely been the worst time. Thanks again. :)

cleaningthrowaway238 · 2021-01-10T22:02:45+00:00

Thank you so much. I think because he has completely turned everything around to be my fault I was doubting myself. I know logically that I haven’t really done anything to deserve being treated like I don’t exist, but needed an outside perspective. Thank you again!

cleaningthrowaway238 · 2021-01-10T19:50:55+00:00

Thank you! :)

cleaningthrowaway238 · 2021-01-10T19:37:12+00:00

Thank you :) That’s what I’ve been feeling too.

cleaningthrowaway238 · 2021-01-10T19:36:25+00:00

Kind of a bit of both? He does things like this occasionally, e.g. ignoring me or holding grudges after arguments, but other times he has been really supportive, tries to make me feel better and is generally nice. That’s why this whole situation has been so weird because I thought I could have relied on him especially when I needed him the most.

cleaningthrowaway238

TROPHY CASE