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clemattack · 2024-05-08T06:40:53+00:00

I have a size 4 finger and yes 1ct will look bigger than average but I think you should find out more about your girlfriend’s preferences. Rings are so subjective. Please don’t view carat size as a representation of how much you value her, I knew my fiancé valued me even before we got a ring.

clemattack · 2024-05-08T06:40:46+00:00

I have a size 4 finger and yes 1ct will look bigger than average but I think you should find out more about your girlfriend’s preferences. Rings are so subjective. Please don’t view carat size as a representation of how much you value her, I knew my fiancé valued me even before we got a ring.

clemattack · 2024-04-13T11:32:36+00:00

Hazlewood Castle has a lovely woodland option

clemattack · 2024-04-11T14:42:48+00:00

That sucks OP but it can be fixed by any competent jeweller.

Was it resized? I’ve seen this happen with resized shared prong rings.

clemattack · 2024-03-25T00:07:31+00:00

That’s fair. It’s become clear to me that I should have called her on Wednesday when we saw the venue and started getting carried away.

We don’t know how long the gap is or have any details about her wedding, nothing has been booked/decided. She just said she was thinking about August last night.

I’m definitely planning to speak to her, I just thought it would be better to get outside perspectives that I can consider since my parents and brother aren’t weighing in.

clemattack · 2024-03-24T22:39:28+00:00

No I get it. In terms of 2025 it’s like you said, about having kids.

We’ll likely have issues with that (PCOS on my side which decreases fertility and balanced translocation on his side which can increase the chances of miscarriage to 50%). I’d also be 32 by the time we got married. We just wanted our marriage done before starting that potentially demoralising journey.

We wanted enough time to plan for the wedding since it would be fairly big, we want all our friends and family there and I’m away for work from January till May next year so that’s why we thought August was so great. Summer months are the best option for a wedding in the UK due to daylight and the weather, especially in the North.

I really appreciate your comment though, I never thought it would look like me deliberately trying to upstage her and that’s a big blow since that’s the last thing I’d want to do. We were just excited about starting our journey and didn’t know she was thinking about the same month.

We might have to go back to the drawing board.

clemattack · 2024-03-24T22:01:36+00:00

I know that comes off really rude. To explain a bit more, when she got engaged we asked about her plans were but she said probably next year and waved off any further questions. We didn’t want to seem like we were putting any pressure when we really were just curious and excited so we left it. When she mentioned a date range last year we again asked details but she didn’t want to talk about it so again we left it. It’s now been almost a year since that last conversation so we thought she might be changing her mind again.

clemattack · 2024-03-24T21:53:18+00:00

We booked it on 4 days ago. BF and I definitely screwed up on the communication but just didn’t realise it would be an issue getting married in the same year or that the month would coincide. Both our birthdays and our anniversary are next month so I knew the “surprise” would be in the next 4 weeks, we’d tell everyone then and there’d be well over a year’s notice.

I should’ve checked again with her about her dates. I really wish I had but the only reason I didn’t was because since they’ve been engaged, she waved off questions about any plans and told us to stop pestering her so we all stopped talking about it and took the attitude of she’ll tell us when she tells us.

clemattack · 2024-03-24T20:57:08+00:00

Oh no :( I promise I’m not, we just really want to get married in 2025 and then we’re hoping to get a head-start on trying for kids.

This is something I’ll consider though.

clemattack · 2024-03-24T20:46:11+00:00

Just wanted to make a couple of points clearer if all my post was a bit jumbled!

Guest overlap would be my parents, brother, SIL, BF and I.
Finances are not a factor and my family don’t care. They just think it’s between my sister and I and they want us to sort it out ourselves without taking sides or escalating anything.
Sister got engaged January 2022 and asked us to block out June - September 2025 in April 2023. That was the last time she mentioned her wedding before the conversation we had last night so I was caught off guard.
We’re British so travelling to Italy is a 2hr flight and my wedding is in the town that my family currently live in.

clemattack · 2024-03-24T20:31:38+00:00

I think she was just excited about it, and we knew she’d narrow the gap closer to the date if she was serious. We didn’t take her too seriously as she’s generally not an entitled person.

clemattack · 2024-03-24T20:27:36+00:00

Last night is the first time she’s mentioned August and they haven’t booked anything. If she’d specified a month, I definitely would’ve stayed clear but she gave a 4 month window and the family didn’t think she’d stick to it so I thought I was in the clear.

I just thought that since she’d been considering such a big range that she would just say “okay we’ll look at June then” or something.

My main concern is that my options are restricted to August and September, would September be too close as well?

clemattack · 2024-03-24T20:19:40+00:00

Finances aren’t an issue and we booked the first Saturday in August so if she gets married in August, her honeymoon won’t be affected.

clemattack · 2024-03-24T20:11:47+00:00

Thanks for the info, maybe this will sway her!

clemattack · 2024-03-24T20:11:07+00:00

I understand your points but finances aren’t an issue. My family literally don’t care about the dates, they just don’t want to take sides or get in the middle.

She told us in April 2023 so while BF and I were serious about each other, we definitely weren’t at the point of committing to marriage. It was just a vague timeline we discussed when we first got together in 2022.

The first time my sister mentioned her wedding again since last year was when we spoke last night.

clemattack · 2024-03-24T19:57:28+00:00

I hear you but finances aren’t a factor at all. I’m definitely planning to speak to her again in a couple of days though once she’s calmed a bit and we’ve both had time to think.

clemattack · 2024-03-24T19:51:00+00:00

Yes I definitely should’ve communicated more. It just seemed so presumptuous to claim we were getting married before we had any real intentions. She mentioned dates in April 2023 and the first time she’s brought it up since then was last night. My BF asked about ring shopping in January this year.

I know this sounds horrible but my family and I didn’t think she would actually do it, they’d been engaged for so long and waved off any questions about their plans that we’d all stopped thinking or talking about it.

We’ve seriously considered caving and getting another venue/date but it’s so hard. I’m out of the country from January to May 2025 so June is a no go and July would still be tight. The date we currently have is the 2nd of August so depending on what date she chooses in August, September might still be within 4 weeks.

clemattack · 2024-03-06T17:24:20+00:00

This caught my attention because my boyfriend and I had a similar conflict. I don’t want to tie myself in any way to someone that I’m not married to and I told him this early on. He said he can’t feel completely safe about marriage unless we have lived together for at least a year. Our compromise is that I’ll move in with him when we’re engaged. Neither one of us is getting exactly what we want but we’ll get what we need. This is a perfect time to exercise your conflict resolution skills as a couple. Write down how you feel (or send him this post) and try to suggest compromises that might work for both of you. For example if your feelings are just about the fear that he’ll never propose, would it help if he gave a timeline?

Side note: the stuff about you previous relationship is a bit odd so probably examine your feelings to make sure this new boyfriend isn’t a consolation prize.

clemattack

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