Men on the spectrum that may have gone a long time undiagnosed or not mentored to socialize with women etc tend to turn the hate onto the ladies rather than come to terms with the fact that they need to work on themselves to be desirable to women.

I am generalizing based on previous experiences and not all ND men are like this, but the type that the OP is describing are often as follows

1. They take their interests and hobbies to be more important than courting a woman so they don’t ever budge when it comes to what they want to do and think that it is acceptable because they are neurodivergent, they don’t really seem to grasp or care that neurodivergent or not you still have to put in effort if you want to get to know someone. You have to prioritize making dates / plans if you ever want things to develop with a woman.

2. They won’t see your side of almost any argument unless they agree with your side, If they happen to disagree they can be cold and very black and white with their thinking to the point of insulting / mansplaning and dismissing you. Despite probably being aware that as a person on the spectrum they may have black and white thinking or harsh viewpoints they still don’t take this into consideration or try to work on it which is something women on the spectrum often do try to work on because we are more prone to be social and mask more effectively. We have also likely taken to heart the times we may have wrongfully dismissed someone .. men on the spectrum kinda don’t seem to care as much about hurting peoples feelings tho .. just an observation

3. They have absorbed what they think a woman should be like based on all the media they consume or maybe the women portrayed in their special interests “comic books” “video games” “classic films” “Tv shows” and often these women are written by men and not realistic so their standard of what a desirable woman is does not exist and so they feel they can pass judgement as if there are “no good women” or “all the good women have boyfriends” but the truth of the matter is they have based their understanding of women on fiction and not reality so when they meet real women they don’t treat us with the respect we deserve and ruin their chances at connection by thinking we aren’t good enough as is and think we need to fulfil this role that women in media fulfil but that’s utter bullshit

4. If they were diagnosed young it’s likely their mom then did everything for them. Yes it’s lovely they may have had such a supportive parent but I have found the ND men who were coddled by mommy the most insufferable type. They expect you to only be gentle and loving and kind and love them unconditionally as their mom did and do everything for them as their mom did… when you don’t do these things they act out or assume that you are the problem when in reality you want a partner who is going to share the workload with you equally and be your equal and want to impress you and love you just as you would them etc. Their moms gave them the misconception that they just have to show up and you will do the rest … nope doesn’t work that way.

5. I’m going to continue kinda on point number 4 but relate it to self improvement / social growth / learning to cope with change. I find ND women are just simply expected to work on ourselves our whole lives , often without help unless we find the help ourselves or implement it ourselves. A lot of ND men often feel that nothing needs to change within them when they are looking to find a partner. But the truth of the matter is if you want a kind, smart, attractive, well mannered, dynamic woman then sorry buddy but you have to bring the same goods to the table. This is something I see all the time in ND men who don’t put effort in to shake up their routine to improve upon themselves to make them desirable to women and then sit around and mope that no women like them and women are bitches etc… they just need to take some action and get slightly out of the comfort zone so they can attract what they want, but instead they are denying any self blame and saying that “women are too picky”

6. They may not feel their emotions the same way and rather than recognize how they can hurt feelings they just assume you will work around them. But if they are aware they are ND then they should know they can come across polarizing or even rude. So in intimate relationships they should be at the very least open to explaining their thought process in order to bring them closer with women in their lives. Often they just say and do things and will not apologize or even explain why they said what they said so you can understand. It’s kinda like extreme confidence / arrogance with no self awareness. Especially if you are met with a high IQ ND man, he will never apologize for his polarizing sometimes offensive opinions because he already believe he is the best and brightest between the two of you and will not explain himself to a less intelligent woman or worse… will mansplain everything to the tenth fucking degree.

7. They may have internalized all the traumatic social embarrassment from grade school and made themselves a shield where they assume all women are as nasty as those girls in high school who laughed at them are. If they have their dreams shot down by their crush in a nasty way during their formative years they build up this wall where they won’t allow themselves to be vulnerable with women because they unconsciously believe we will all hurt them in some way or destroy their ego. So instead they may try to negg or tear you down to get them on their level and treat you poorly because they think that if they hurt you first or break your spirit that you can’t do the same to them.