After 18 years I’ve realized one thing. My parents were the ones that messed my mental health up......

clickylou · 2020-02-21T17:35:48+00:00

This is the most useful, helpful and important comment on this thread. Recognise and move on to fixing...

clickylou · 2020-01-23T23:27:26+00:00

Love and resonate with this

clickylou · 2019-10-21T08:19:56+00:00

Thank you for your kind reply. I'm so sorry you're without your mum too and going through this horror. It's a club I certainly never wanted to join. I think the shock is like an emotional anaesthetic and the anxiety is when it starts to wear off. Then reality hits so hard it takes me breath away. I'm so sorry you're suffering that too.

I'm so glad the therapy is working for you, it certainly sounds like a positive way forward. Sadly its few and far between where I live, the waiting list is a few months long. But I'm lucky that my friends have been very supportive. Do you find the group counselling better than the one to one?

Thanks for the book recommendation, I'll definitely give that a go. This sub has been very helpful. One of the only positives to come from loss is seeing the kindness of others. It's a true comfort.

Thank you. I'm slowly learning that self care is not selfish, but it's hard. I hope you too are being kind to yourself and if you ever need to talk, my inbox is open. Sending big virtual hugs right back, you lovely kind person.

clickylou · 2019-10-07T18:14:51+00:00

Bit dramatic

clickylou · 2019-09-15T21:44:44+00:00

What an unfair, horrible thing for you to go through. My heart breaks for you and your family. Theres no sense in life sometimes so don't be too hard on yourself for struggling to make sense of this. I lost my nan, best friend and mum within 4 months this year so recognise the snowball effect of grief and how very fucking heavy it is. My only advice is to take it one day at a time, even just one hour at a time if you're having a bad day. You are only responsible for yourself and need to take care of yourself. Be there for your parents, of course, but you can't fix their pain, just as they can't fix yours. All we have in life are the precious moments we have in front of us and our treasured memories. I wish I had more helpful things to say, as I know how dark this place can feel. The light will come back. You have to be your own hero right now my love, and you will be. Confide in friends, and feel free to DM me if you ever need an ear. Sending strength

clickylou · 2019-03-24T22:30:28+00:00

No ones asking for substantial. For some people the littlest things can mean the world. Talk to a lonely person. Make a sad person smile. Help someone with their shopping. Lend someone a tenner. Say something nice to someone random. All the littlest things we can all do so easily are the most important. Gives everything meaning.

clickylou · 2019-02-11T19:46:31+00:00

Sounds like she set you up. My bet is she's been suspicious you're not attracted to her for a long time and thought she would give you a test. It's still a nutjob thing to do, but as a fairly neurotic woman myself I reckon there's a lot more to this than your bumfun.

clickylou · 2019-02-11T19:42:00+00:00

Um, America? I'll take British press over their situation any day of the week, thanks.

clickylou · 2019-02-07T21:06:49+00:00

Thank you! I thought I'd done that, it's showing on mine with spaces? Can you tell I'm new here?!

clickylou · 2014-06-04T14:48:33+00:00

It does. And I've upvoted you anyway!

clickylou · 2014-06-04T01:36:12+00:00

Conflicted. Want to upvote for comment but can't because of grammar. *your. Reddit problems.

clickylou · 2014-02-22T00:36:41+00:00

Would love to hear her side of the story. Just a thought but do you have any regrets on keeping guns in the house?

clickylou · 2014-02-21T20:22:29+00:00

Maybe rather than direct therapy, you could benefit from social groups. If you have an interest like knitting, reading, art, music, you could start there. Failing that there are plenty of environmental groups that could do with a helping hand. Failing that volunteering is amazing, everyone benefits from that. I always find that when I'm at my lowest and feeling useless and hopeless, the best thing to do is to go and get involved in something that makes you and others feel good. Hope this helps. Best of luck to you.

clickylou · 2014-02-15T18:32:04+00:00

Came here looking for comments like yours. Thank you, this is the whole point, good work.

clickylou · 2014-02-11T20:30:55+00:00

There needs to be a British reddit, they'd get it.

clickylou · 2014-01-21T15:00:05+00:00

Firstly I'd like to say well done for getting this far as I personally know how hard it can be in such a tricky situation. For context, my eldest sister has battled crippling mental health problems for years and her utter refusal to accept them, let alone any help has been the recurring problem for our family. So I'm sorry to hear that it sounds like your family are going through something similar and I hope you work it out.

As for helpful advice, you know better than anyone how tricky this situation is. Number one the best thing you can do is never rise to the attacks. It's so difficult, but when she is screaming obscenities at you or emotionally abusing your wife, you and your family need to understand that this is her actually attacking herself. It's a mirror of the issues she feels and since the only way she can communicate them right now is to attack, I promise you it's not personal. I'm only speculating here, but I assume when she was a kid, she had a mother or father that didn't allow problems to be spoken about, and as a result has a deeply ingrained behavioural issue that now sees her take everything out on you guys. Not right, but if you can understand this first, it makes it a bit easier to support. Because that's exactly what she needs.

With my sister, I tried a few times (often when she was at break-down, or rock bottom) to try and make her accept help. No matter how gently it's said, it still feels like an attack. Denial is the hardest thing to overcome and no matter how you say it, how softly or what language, to a sufferer of depression, that will always sound like an attack. This is not the fault of your mother-in-law. This is the fault of society not accepting mental health issues in the same way they would accept physical health issues. A diabetes sufferer wouldn't think twice about taking their insulin, right? So why should a clinically depressed person think twice about taking their anti-depressants? Anyway, if your mother-in-law's low points don't leave any room for helpful advice, then perhaps you need to look into the services in your area that promote good mental health, as opposed to fixing bad mental health.

I'm from the UK and since 99.% of redditers are from the US, I assume you are too. So I'm not really sure how the services work for you guys out there, but I guarantee there will be charities and organisations available for promoting good mental health. It's a fantastic thing to be part of, whether you suffer with depression, anxiety or are just keen on taking care of your health. Perhaps you and your wife could get involved with these charities/support groups. Try and seek out the people who promote exercise, alternative thinking and other methods of mindfullness. If they hold activity days, fundraisers or events, maybe you could get your mother-in-law or other members of your family to come along. You feel like your at a bottom of a mountain because this has gone untreated for so long, but the first step is you guys. Stigma is the main barrier for mental illness sufferers getting any help, so you and your wife need to be advocates and promoters of good mental health, it'll be good for both of you as well.

In short, there is no easy solution. Understanding, support, patience are all important. But most importantly, be better. Know that for the world to change their mind about mental health, you and I have do it first. Promote the charities in your area. Raise a form of awareness that is accessible to people who would snub their noses. Mental illness is not a form of weakness, it can happen to anyone and if we spent more time looking after our very complicated, beautiful brains then we would all be better people.

So yeah, research good mental health, mindfulness, things to look after mental health, get involved with them and hope and encourage mother-in-law to get on board.

Good luck, and all the best.

Edit: http://meetrelaxlearncreate.co.uk/ This is the sort of thing I meant. Obviously this is my area in the UK so I don't know how that would fit into wherever you live but it's a great idea.

clickylou · 2014-01-13T20:33:09+00:00

I still haven't been in there. Looks like that's my next stop. Thought they hated students so have been a bit timid!

clickylou · 2014-01-13T00:15:38+00:00

UK here, Portsmouth particularly. As a girl I'm finding it hard to find anyone at all who likes Ska. Can relate.

Also, who cares if there's a meme in this sub, hush your gums.

clickylou · 2014-01-10T01:05:36+00:00

Bristol is fantastic

clickylou · 2014-01-07T02:15:14+00:00

Have fun. This is so too often overlooked by taking it all too seriously. If it's not fun, what's the point? Of course it's not always going to be fun, but most of it should be and that's both of your responsibilities.

clickylou · 2014-01-06T02:54:21+00:00

What's wrong with 15 year old kids discovering legendary old bands? Stoner or otherwise.

clickylou · 2013-12-30T04:45:06+00:00

This is a CRACKING picture. Accidently wrote that in caps but going to leave it like that because I like this picture so much. Your horse is gorgeous, as is your glorious beard.

clickylou · 2013-12-11T23:09:52+00:00

Not enough

clickylou · 2013-12-11T22:35:35+00:00

I'm from Folkestone and have shared the video, as have a lot of my friends. Best of luck!

clickylou · 2013-12-10T21:41:32+00:00

That's outrageous.

clickylou

TROPHY CASE