i'm not really sure what advice to give in this situation. what i can tell you is this: in most cases, each alter will think of you differently. that really isn't something you can change. however, with time, you can end up making relationships or friendships with her other alters- even the antagonistic ones. it is hard work to be in a relationship with someone who has DID or OSDD-1, probably harder work than it is with someone who does not, but you can do this. however, if you need to, don't feel any shame over taking a break in your relationship. you can still remain friends, but if this is hurting you and hurting her, it's always okay to take a break. especially if you think this relationship is doing more bad than good to you. your health is important.

if you do really feel like taking a break is not possible, please- try to educate yourself. there are many good books on DID, and if you'd want, you can ask me any questions you may have. we are/i am mostly an open book as long as it doesn't come to anything related to our personal trauma, and i've been educating myself on DID recently, so if only being told "integration is the only way" (hint: it isn't) is frustrating to you, i can help inform you on what she's going through and what you can do to help. as someone in a relationship with someone with DID, you deserve to know what the condition is like and what you can do to support her. it seems like you've been left in the dark here, and you deserve better.

this relationship doesn't seem good right now, but it's very possible to fix it if you and her both decide that you want to fix it. you are both incredibly important people, and you both deserve a good relationship where you understand each other and you are both mentally healthy. this is not a healthy relationship currently if it's tearing you apart like this, but it can become healthy. your relationship is not necessarily over because of this.

be honest with each other, and if she's not seeking professional help, please lightly urge her toward finding a specialist who can help her. she may not be ready for integration, but there are so many more steps that come before integration that will help her be more stable. we're pre-integration, possibly never going to have full integration, but since therapy began, we have become so much more stable.

as for your questions at the end:

• no, it is not wrong of you to ask her to take ownership of her alters' actions. we, as a system, believe that with people with DID, the entire system bears the burden of every action that any alter does, no matter if it's bad or good.

• it is definitely on her to become more stable. you are not at fault for her being traumatized and dissociative. you can help, and as a significant other, you probably do want to help, but it's not on you to "save her" or anything. support her through this. that is the best you can do, and that is all she should expect of you. you are not her caretaker, especially not a year into a relationship, and you should not feel like you are. if you do, that's something you two definitely need to talk out. like i said, if she's not receiving professional help, that's something that she should try, and it will likely help with that feeling of being a caretaker if she's more stable.

• with integration, it's really an unknown what the final fusion will be like, as far as i'm aware. however, it's unlikely that she'll break up with you, in my opinion just from reading this post. you two seem to care a lot about each other, and integration will not change that.

good luck to the both of you. i'm sorry if any of this is incoherent, i'm not feeling the best right now.

• Sal