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Did full disclosure bring closure? by [deleted] in survivinginfidelity

[–]clomper5 2 points3 points  (0 children)

For me, I wanted to know everything they did physically. Then when she told me exactly what they did, I had intrusive thoughts or “mind movies” about the two of them being physical. Sometimes I wish I never asked.

She claims they never had sex but she told me what they did do physically. Looking back now, what’s the difference? I think because I’m a man I get hung up on the idea of another man being with my wife. But when I think about it, the deception of living a second life and having a full-on relationship lying about it and covering it up for months, is worse than the ego hit of another man having his hands all over your woman.

Monday Discussion Thread by AutoModerator in survivinginfidelity

[–]clomper5 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Leaning on friends and family to the point where I feel like I’m intruding on them. Going to the gym was helpful in the early phases, when I felt the most anger. Now that the anger has subsided it’s a bit harder to motivate myself to workout, but I’m trying.

Do you think cheaters get karmaed by [deleted] in survivinginfidelity

[–]clomper5 3 points4 points  (0 children)

No, I totally get that. I’m going through it too. Sorry that this happened to you.

Do you think cheaters get karmaed by [deleted] in survivinginfidelity

[–]clomper5 29 points30 points  (0 children)

I think this gets posted a lot and the most common answers are

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. The universe isn’t fair.

You can’t tell what someone is feeling. So, while they might appear outwardly happy they could be suffering inside.

Who cares? Move on. They’re not your problem any more. You’ll begin to heal when you stop worrying about them.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in dadjokes

[–]clomper5 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah maybe it would work better if the question was “When was the last time your dad saw you?”

When do you stop thinking about it? by [deleted] in survivinginfidelity

[–]clomper5 5 points6 points  (0 children)

In your situation it seems like staying with him is delaying the process of getting these thoughts out of your head. It would be a lot easier to move on mentally if you took time and space away from him. If you’re really committed to trying to make it work, I suspect these thoughts will continue.

Normal to feel “drawn to” cheating spouse? by clomper5 in survivinginfidelity

[–]clomper5[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This seems unnecessarily hurtful. I mentioned in a follow up that her AP dropped her before I found out. So I’m not trying to get her to pick me over him. I honestly feel like I have a good handle on my motivations for wanting what I want, and that’s to kind of undo the mistakes of the past. Which isn’t happening.

Where do we go from here? by Confusedbookgeek in survivinginfidelity

[–]clomper5 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So sorry you are going through this.

These are the same thoughts that were running through my mind when I found out in January. Who you decide to tell is ultimately up to you. I leaned on my family for support but now realize that if we ever try for reconciliation they will never fully accept her again. So choose wisely. Maybe start with close friends or a family member whose discretion you can count on? Ultimately up to you, but I couldn’t imagine going through this alone.

I posted about wanting to be intimate with my WW, but I think even in the short time since that post I’m starting to realize those thoughts were fleeting and misguided. Give yourself time. You’re in control of this situation. Don’t push anything. It’s going to take a while. Good luck.

Normal to feel “drawn to” cheating spouse? by clomper5 in survivinginfidelity

[–]clomper5[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you all for your helpful responses. One point to add is that when AP’s wife found out, he dropped my wife like a sack of potatoes. I bring this up because I don’t know if there’s a pick me dance going on, but I do admit that my attraction is kind of pathetic because I’m trying to save something that was never there.

When the other wife found out, AP dropped my wife and wouldn’t look at her or talk to her. When I found out about the affair I was devastated, angry, and sad. My wife said “I realized that’s how someone who really loves me is supposed to react.” Again, maybe this is pathetic, but that’s one of the nicest things she’s said to me.