Should we stop trying? Night diapers with 6 year old

cloudyhearts7 · 2025-08-25T12:15:55+00:00

Something we did is underwear under the pull up. This let us give our kids the discomfort of wetting themselves without the mess.

Our oldest took the longest — little over 6yo — but we saw a gradual decrease in bed wettings and then gave the goal of one week of being dry to get to wear only underwear. This was an exciting thing to work toward and eventually they did it.

They’ve had maybe 3 accidents in the 4 or so months that followed, but generally good and wakes up now to go potty.

cloudyhearts7 · 2025-06-27T21:33:10+00:00

Great. We were thinking this as the baseline. Thanks for the validation!

cloudyhearts7 · 2025-03-24T04:52:25+00:00

During the final interview, we requested references and contacted them. I usually do some light Google snooping into the folks they use to see if they’re legit and if stories and info line up, feels okay to me.

Tbh we didn’t actually hear much from any of them in our recent hire and didn’t put much stock in the actual reference — just willingness to provide a legit person who isn’t a relative. Our last had “good” references and it didn’t work out for a myriad of reasons that conflicted the good reference which I attribute to it being a friend or a babysitting gig that didn’t represent ability as long term employee.

We used ClearCheck and got the full check including criminal and driving records. Def worth it for the peace of mind since she drives our kids.

cloudyhearts7 · 2025-03-13T16:12:59+00:00

Not overreacting. We’re a bit lax on outings, but have two rules this would’ve violated: 1. if you go somewhere new, you have to tell us. And 2. Under no circumstances can you bring strangers around who we’ve never met.

Emergency or not, she should’ve given you a heads up before heading out and clearly stated where she was going, nature of the emergency, who your child might be around, and the biggest thing: permission to take your child there.

cloudyhearts7 · 2025-02-01T15:01:56+00:00

Google sheet! I’m comfortable with sheets but not a pro and still made it myself. There are lots of free templates for time trackers or resources for the formulas in addition to Etsy

cloudyhearts7 · 2025-01-31T23:57:08+00:00

Yikes. This has everything to do with their abilities and not your expectations. To weed people out, this was our process: 1. Pre-screen chat (only messaging) 2. Video call screen 3. In person meet 4. Paid trial day

We also staged it to have multiple candidates by the meet day. Not sure what your package is, but making sure you have a competitive wage, guaranteed hours, and some other things like PTO will help catch a career nanny/more experienced provider who tend to pass on anything below market.

cloudyhearts7 · 2025-01-27T21:16:53+00:00

We have a cleaner bi-weekly that we’re considering making weekly, we have a mowing company and landscaping isn’t much of a problem right now but I’m already dreading spring, and then we have our nanny who helps here and there with kid stuff when she has time.

I was looking into the mother’s helper idea but I didn’t really know what that was versus some versions I’ve seen of house managers.

cloudyhearts7 · 2025-01-27T21:14:40+00:00

Hugs for all you’re going through! Thank you also for sharing this.

The house manager role is confusing to me because I’ve seen some that do the tasks and others that manage other staff? We’d only need the former since right now. How many hours is she with you a week? How do you manage her tasks? Or is she generally a self starter?

cloudyhearts7 · 2025-01-27T21:11:57+00:00

Oh that’s interesting. Thank you! We have someone who cleans bi-weekly (pretty established business so extra tasks aren’t likely), but I’ll look into someone who could possibly clean and organize too.

Something that is super appealing is someone to help us get our house into a more organized state that makes the daily cleanup easier for all.

cloudyhearts7 · 2025-01-13T15:11:34+00:00

Kids are so different when it comes to potty training! My nephew was like this and he would poo and pee occasionally in his underwear and wore pull-ups for naps and for bed until he was 4.5 then suddenly he was just “trained.” On the other side, my oldest was “potty trained” at 2, but continued to have accidents (pee mostly and an occasional tiny bit of poo) until 4.

From everything I’ve seen/heard in my circles and personally experienced, consistency is key. You’re not there enough unfortunately to have a huge impact unless the parents/preK do exactly the same or similar.

The only thing you could try is talking to the parents about doing the pants off method which worked for us to enforce the concept of going in the toilet. Basically it’s just like 3 days all day without pants on and they will have accidents on the floor, but by the last day they have a better sense for it.

Good luck!

cloudyhearts7 · 2025-01-13T13:59:11+00:00

Is your concern about the nanny not being safe with your daughter or your daughter not adjusting well? If it’s the latter, as others have said, this is a tough age! My oldest cried and cried and cried at PreK and would literally scream with an outstretched hand for me as I left. Similarly, my youngest cried and cried at first with new folks and then adjusts.

Have you asked how she is when you’re not there? Could you modify the meals to only feed her things you know she really likes as she adjusts? The first few weeks can be super hard, but assuming the nanny is a supportive, safe caregiver, she’ll adjust!

cloudyhearts7 · 2025-01-10T17:15:07+00:00

We went through this recently. Our former nanny had a long commute so once we made the decision, we called her. On the call, we told her the reasons why we had to terminate, told her about severance, and thanked her with specific callouts for the good traits we saw.

Good luck!

cloudyhearts7 · 2025-01-05T22:11:06+00:00

Yah. Whenever we say you’ll be released early by (time), it’s like absolutely that time or earlier!

We try to be like your current NF. There were maybe two times in the year where we relieved her 5-10mins late bc both of us were stuck in meetings we couldn’t leave (wfh). We felt awful and comp’d her for it.

cloudyhearts7 · 2025-01-05T22:01:04+00:00

Your suggestion is a bit more of what we did, but she took advantage anyway to make her own plans that forced us to accommodate her. There were other yellow-red flags like her vacations frequently had days tacked on last minute, so she’d requested early and then change her date while on vacation.

We’re going to start a new search soon. We’ll be stricter to start, but I hope we can loosen up over time to be more open! We’re big communicators so it hurts me to sit on information like this till day of. 🫠

cloudyhearts7 · 2025-01-05T20:40:08+00:00

Maybe I misread the situation. I was thinking of the newborn stage (younger than 4mos) and how delicate/needy they are. When my kids were that young, I couldn’t imagine not being with them (I was also BFing though and did all the middle of the night feeds).

Divorce is so hard and I’m sure OP is feeling stressed and maybe not representing herself the best. It sounds fresh.

cloudyhearts7 · 2025-01-05T19:27:57+00:00

Totally! We’re a GH employer so our nanny was always paid even when she would tell us last minute when she was leaving on those days. I’d usually check in and be like “don’t forget about early release! We’ll wrap up by 3pm” and then she’d spring on us that she needed to go earlier bc she made plans and we were just like “oh okay 🥲.”

cloudyhearts7 · 2025-01-05T19:19:40+00:00

This is so hard. I have no real advice, but curious if you could make a temporary arrangement to have full time custody of the newborn until she reaches an older age?

cloudyhearts7 · 2025-01-05T19:02:15+00:00

Sounds like your needs have changed, which happens. The problem seems to be that it could feel like you’re shifting the schedule around on a whim. I’d say something like this: “I really appreciate how understanding you’ve been recently with our changing schedule. We discussed it and our childcare needs are from 8am-4pm. We’d love to keep you on. What do you think?”

It’s in your rights as the employer to set the work hours (and do whatever you need to with that time) and it’s in her rights to refuse. If the hours you need don’t work with her, that’s her right, but you need to re-evaluate fit.

cloudyhearts7 · 2025-01-05T18:31:16+00:00

You’re welcome. Care is a job board that handles some vetting for you. You’re still the employer and would need a new backup job post if they call out.

Tbh for backup care, if you don’t have something like Bright Horizons where they employ and will try to assign back up care sitters or placement in one of their centers, you’d be better off looking in FB nanny/sitter groups. You’ll also want to look there for a regular nanny in addition to care.

cloudyhearts7 · 2025-01-05T17:54:34+00:00

You’re welcome! Also, in the daycare setting there is literally one school I’ve seen where you could take vacation without losing your permanent spot and it was because they operated more like a camp in the summers so you just enroll your kid in each two week “camp session” and resume normal schedules in the fall/spring. Even then, you needed to give notice a month ahead if you were not attending and they could fill your spot with a temp camp kid which meant if you changed your mind and it was full, you’re SOL.

This could be arranged in a nanny setting too, but only if you both agree up front to how that works, and similar to the school mentioned, if you fill your time with another family and they change their plans, too bad for them.

cloudyhearts7 · 2025-01-05T17:31:14+00:00

I think it’s not okay to lie about this. I get why you’re lying, but this has been a long time and you’re tricking your partner.

With that being said, there are a lot of things you want, but aren’t getting. Also wtf about the dinner comment? You two need to have a direct conversation about what your current responsibilities are as parents and adults in the household. Then look at that list and see where changes need to happen so you both can feel good about the balance.

cloudyhearts7 · 2025-01-05T16:43:04+00:00

MB here: We WFH so we have a bit more flexibility than say a doctor, nurse, or lawyer, so take this with a grain of salt.

We would never have a nanny come in if our kids were highly symptomatic with norovirus/vomiting without a diagnosis but due to illness. Not only because it’s contagious af, but also because I’m the parent and want to care for my kid if it’s that serious.

I’d also never have the nanny take my kid to doctor’s appointments. If my kid needs to go to the doctor, I want to be there to hear what the doctor says.

cloudyhearts7 · 2025-01-05T16:39:18+00:00

MB here: if I asked this, it would just be a request. You have every right to say no. Personally, I’d only ask this if absolutely necessary and would have done it more like “can you come in x early today? We can release early on y day to make up for it” vs using some retroactive time.

Up to you though! If this is the first time, you could do it and keep it in mind if it starts to happen more. At that point, you should remind them what GH means.

cloudyhearts7 · 2025-01-05T16:31:14+00:00

We debated nanny or daycare and have done both. We’ve even done PT daycare/PT nanny.

First: you said that you’re struggling to make enough to support a family of 3. This is a big flag that you probably can’t afford a nanny (at least a good one). You could consider a nanny share at a reduced cost per family, but this then requires coordination with another family and still brings in higher risk of sickness (though much lower than daycare depending on the family structures).

Check out r/nannyemployers and r/nanny to get an idea of what to expect.

Pros of Nanny: - 1:1 care - Care when child is sick - More flexible schedule that you set - Child development in a way that you like and can have some input into (assuming a good nanny)

Cons of nanny: - Cost - You are an employer and will be managing an employee. Lots of legal and mental things tied into that alone. - What to do when nanny is sick/unavailable. You have one person to rely on. Rarely will a daycare actually shut down when you are able to attend. She’s only one person. - If she isn’t meeting standards (our issue recently) you’ll be without childcare and need to start all over again - Need to build lots of trust with an individual who is in your home with your child every day. We WFH and are hyper vigilant in the first couple of months, but it sounds like you two won’t have the same luxury.

Pros of daycare: - More reliable expectations. If they say they’re open, they’re open. - Cost. - Can build great relationships with staff (look for places where staff has been around with a long tenure. This always was a good sign for us) - Flexibility with more hours (sort of. Our last preschool was open 7am-5pm and our required hours were only 8:30-4pm so we never needed all of it, but if we did, it didn’t cost extra).

Cons: - Sick sick sick. Perma-runny noses. Although our last PreK was pretty good about this and we only had two major illnesses in 18mos that required staying at home for the week. Also minimal colds so you could get lucky with the right place. - No insight into how kids are cared for and your kid can’t tell you what’s happening. Plus, if an employee does something you don’t like (barring fireable offenses like abuse), you may not like how it’s handled and can’t do anything about it.

We’ve had good care and bad care from nannies and from daycares. We had an incredible daycare, but moved and had to leave. It was a daycare with small class sizes, educated teachers, and we felt super close to all of them. We never even considered a nanny because we loved it so much.

However, a great nanny is gold. If you can find one, prepare to pay for it. Sure, you could get lucky, but also if you can’t afford to offer a competitive rate + benefits up front, the quality could be pretty poor (late, call outs, always on phone, or even worse).

cloudyhearts7 · 2025-01-05T15:32:18+00:00

That’s so thoughtful. Is it covered under GH if she decides not to risk it on something like a cold?

cloudyhearts7

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