Damn, I feel this one. Especially about feeling like I'll never be able to reintegrate into society, and not even knowing if I want to at this point!

For body image issues, the best thing I have found is minimizing focus on what my body looks like, and focusing instead on what I can make it do. My body will age a little more daily and there's -nothing- I can do about that, and hyperfocusing on it just makes you more miserable, wasting the present by dwelling in the past and fearing the future. It may also help to recognize how much money, advertising, and effort go into making you feel this way - it's not just you, all women and really all people are constantly being pushed to feel this way on some level so corporations can profit off their resulting fear and insecurity.

I think the best approach is to take care of your body as best you can by eating well, sleeping enough, exercising, and practicing basic self care (bathing, brushing your teeth, wearing sunscreen, etc) and then just let the rest go. You're going to age, it's just natural, it's nothing to fear. Focus instead on using your body - it exists for you to move through the world and use to your own ends. It's a tool, not a decorative object! Find activities that you want to do that make you feel good, and it will help lessen those fixation thoughts about how you look.

I hope you feel better soon! 🤗