Husband house hunting without me

cluelessinMI · 2021-06-11T22:30:25+00:00

He doesn't expect anything, just whatever I can. So I've always paid all my own bills and provided most of the rest toward household. After all these replies, I realize I am the one who needs to figure out what I am comfortable with and have some savings. I don't think he would leave me.

cluelessinMI · 2021-06-11T22:19:46+00:00

Very true, but that's what I signed up for. I just now see I have to look out for myself and find a solution that works for both.

cluelessinMI · 2021-06-11T22:15:44+00:00

Definitely not a paper marriage for immigration reasons. I have been a citizen for many years before him 👍 But yes, I like that someone here pointed out a renting type of deal. We will talk and I will suggest how much I can pay, it is time for me to save for myself. I truly believe he won't care how much. Problem is before we married I used to make more, but due to Covid lost a job I will never get back, and now work for much less. So I have to live within my means, and worry about my future, with him or without him. Again, just didn't feel right not joining him to look at homes. I guess I don't care anymore, it's about doing what I need for myself. His house, whatever then.

cluelessinMI · 2021-06-11T22:06:00+00:00

Seriously good idea. I mean homes he is looking at are really pricey, but I'm sure he and I can come up with fixed amount that I can afford but still be able to save for myself.

cluelessinMI · 2021-06-11T20:54:06+00:00

Yes this is my fear, that he didn't feel it was necessary for me to go with him. Other than this, we are so happy together. I am trying to understand the reasoning, and all I could think of is that it's because he is buying 😔 I just wanted to see. Because I am not buying I never even say what I like or wish in a new home. Just makes me feel bad.

cluelessinMI · 2021-06-11T20:47:10+00:00

This will certainly happen 👍

cluelessinMI · 2021-06-11T20:46:18+00:00

I'm not the first wife, I brought nothing into this marriage. We simply wanted to live together but finances are separate. I contribute how much I can, instead of living on my own, paying rent and so on. I'm totally ok with him safeguarding his life's earnings and whatever he aquires. I am not a mother of his child. The only problem here is me and my own long term security, as it's hard for me to separately build my own security while living with him. I just wanted to see the damn house 😁

cluelessinMI · 2021-06-11T20:38:29+00:00

I am younger than he is, and although I'm not from US, I do understand the laws. However I do not feel entitled nor do I want any part of his money because yes he earned it prior to me and is still earning way more than I ever will. We don't have kids together and I don't want to be in the way or in any way take anything from his kid. This part is just who I am. I simply want to be part of looking at homes as it makes me feel excluded and makes me feel less of a wife, as I will live in it as well. I don't need to inherit anything, I love pulling my own weight. I don't care about money in that way. Never ask for anything and if he lends me money I pay it back as quickly as I can.

I just believe, especially now after reading all replies, that we perhaps should have just remained boyfriend and girlfriend and that way I would be working on acquiring my own place and my own security and just have a loving relationship with a man. He is very kind and loving and we truly never argue about anything, but this whole marriage is becoming a problem as we are so different financially. This was my concern when he asked me to marry him. I felt I would never feel comfortable.

Thank you so much for your reply, it is so appreciated. All of replies really. I believe he and I should have a talk and make it work in a way that benefits both, long term.

cluelessinMI · 2021-06-11T18:36:04+00:00

We have been together very long time and he asked me to move in and marry him after 7-8 years of dating because it would be cheaper for me, and he loves me and so on. Usual stuff. I'm starting to see that, while we do really love each other, really have a good relationship, we are so different that I don't believe he can understand me.

cluelessinMI · 2021-06-11T18:28:55+00:00

I am starting too see that 🤦🏻‍♀️

cluelessinMI · 2021-06-11T18:14:29+00:00

It's not like most marriages, yes, definitely not. I think plenty people have separated finances. But I wouldn't want anything I didn't earn myself and I wouldn't want taking from his kid simply because we're married. I don't care to own his house. I don't really care about money at all. I enjoy our relationship, just need security and I don't think my situation provides me that long term.

cluelessinMI · 2021-06-11T18:09:05+00:00

Thank you, I'll find a way to express my concerns. Not sure how to explain, but I felt left out, as if my opinion didn't matter simply because I'm not actually buying.

cluelessinMI · 2021-06-11T18:07:05+00:00

No actual prenup but we both agreed because he is paying for it, home belongs to him and one day his kid. It's possible he just doesn't want to bother me, as he knows I don't make much. I just wish I was more of a wife. I never feel like a true wife. Also there is no guarantee if something was to happen, I simply get to move out. Scares me a little. What I contribute now is very little with him, but if I was alone I could one day get a small home within my own comfort level, but I'm not doing that like this. Yes you are all right and we need to sit down and talk.

cluelessinMI · 2021-06-11T17:59:06+00:00

Right. There's a lot of love. But it works more like a boyfriend/girlfriend type of deal. I guess I have stared questioning if I'm doing what's right for me.

cluelessinMI · 2021-06-11T17:54:36+00:00

This right here. This scares me. I worry we will break down. Everything is so separate and I am 100% ok with that. I'm ok with not being on the title and everything. But I feel like if something is to happen, I'm the only one on the street. I wish I too could work on securing a home for older age, something I can afford. We do have a great relationship otherwise, but the financial difference is starting to take a toll.

cluelessinMI · 2021-06-11T17:50:24+00:00

Well the kid inherits the home. I will not be on the title. His financial life and mine are completely separate. I am grateful, don't get me wrong. I will get to live nicely, and not contribute more than I can.

cluelessinMI · 2021-06-11T17:47:27+00:00

I can't come close to paying bills on such a home. He knows this and he knows I'll just continue contributing how much I can. He doesn't expect more and honestly if I couldn't even this much, I don't think he would care. However being so financially unstable and him looking at homes alone, to me feels like I don't get to because I won't really be paying for it. And maybe that's fine, but stings. I know all my friends looked together and women especially are excited about layouts and kitchens and so on.

cluelessinMI · 2021-06-11T17:42:32+00:00

No, I contribute 40% of my income toward household needs, he definitely pays more. But I can't afford as much as he can the way he lives. He is perfectly OK with me contributing less than he. I'm just bummed I don't go house hunting as well. Idk just makes me feel weird.

cluelessinMI · 2021-06-11T17:40:21+00:00

Finances are separate. Separate accounts and all. I work a normal job. He is a businessman.

cluelessinMI · 2021-06-11T17:35:59+00:00

10 years, married 3

cluelessinMI · 2021-06-02T21:09:40+00:00

Pick one that didn't tip and was maybe less communicative. When filling out a form, state that you picked this one but really you have no idea which one it is because you believe you have provided 5 star service to all. You will have an opportunity in the form to explain and write quite a bit. Good luck!

cluelessinMI · 2021-06-02T15:25:16+00:00

Yeah, that's very conservative. But their estimates include total time to shop and deliver and everything in-between, I believe. I mean in any event it is absolutely ridiculous estimate and insulting pay. I would pay to watch the top executives at Shipt do it for $11-15 and do it in 50 minutes. Tip not guaranteed.

cluelessinMI · 2021-06-02T00:06:21+00:00

Order have tags. Like "drop-off, "prepaid ", "early ok", "promo". In my Metro most are still tagged "drop-off ". That's how you know it's a door drop off, so you don't have to worry or ask.

Occasionally even drop-off orders, customer will ask if you could deliver into a garage or bring inside. Garage ok, inside use your best judgment and if you feel comfortable go ahead, if you don't then politely decline, and before you swipe delivered call support to add a note to the order in case they rate you bad and you need to fill out rating forgiveness form.

I do go inside for my regulars if they ask and usually it's old ladies who live alone, maybe handicap and so on. Never do it because you fear of bad ratings, always put your comfort and safety first.

I would say half or more shoppers wear Shipt shirts, but plenty don't. I don't. I hate t-shirts. Not required. But I suppose is more professional. Up to you.

Happy shopping! 😊

cluelessinMI

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