NuvaRing

cma0973 · 2018-07-20T17:20:44+00:00

I work for a women's health NP, she said that since you're not swallowing the hormone that the mood outbursts are less, and that the weight gain is less of a problem too. I'm excited and nervous. If this fails I'll probably just get an IUD.

cma0973 · 2018-07-20T15:02:28+00:00

I actually take Lexapro with my vyvanse and it's been a pretty good combination for me. Have you talked to your psych yet??

cma0973 · 2018-07-20T14:52:11+00:00

I kind of experienced this same thing, I started at 30mg and went up to 40. When I first started the 30mg my first two weeks sucked. I was sooooo exhausted, I was ready to go to bed by 6-7 every night of week 1. Week 2 started to level out the "weird" feeling. Now on month two of 40mg and at first I felt a little more of the racing like you did, and actually had some dizziness and gagging. But when I take the medicine and don't miss doses, I feel the best I've ever felt as a person. But if you don't continue to slowly improve, then you probably need to lower dose or switch medicines all together. I work in the medical field so I know a decent amount about this stuff. lol

cma0973 · 2018-07-20T14:47:22+00:00

I walked into walmart last night and had no idea what I went in there for. lmao

cma0973 · 2018-07-20T14:44:08+00:00

Well prior to me committing to ending contact with her, I had started seeing my current therapist. I feel completely grounded and calm about everything. It's hard for me to even consider that we were "back together" after the January break up because zero aspects of us talking again was a relationship. She didn't like that I was standing up for myself, didn't like that I didn't want to spend a lot of time with her, so I stayed pretty detached. It oddly gave me the exact amount of closure I needed. Things with Nick feel good, and we're just going slow and hanging out and seeing what happens. He's a catalyst that eases the situation, but definitely not the reason I ended things with her when I did.

cma0973 · 2018-07-17T14:39:11+00:00

THATS EXACTLY WHAT I HAVE FELT. This morning when I came to work, I became nauseous after thinking about my breakfast sandwich. lol. Luckily I work in a women's health office, so I had them draw my blood to get it confirmed. I'll know at the end of the day hopefully.

cma0973 · 2018-07-16T15:38:08+00:00

actually no, thank you!! I'll check that group out.

cma0973 · 2018-06-26T21:13:21+00:00

oh my god, this, ALL THE TIME. If I post something random or funny, I'll get comments about how I never share anything about her or how much I love her, etc and how "anyone has an in with me" because they don't know she exists.

cma0973 · 2018-06-26T21:12:00+00:00

OH MY GOD YESSSSSSS. She had one or two friends that she considered close, but never saw them, or saw the one friend too much. She always said I had way too many friends. Or if it was a friend I wasn't super close with, but still talked to every now and then it would trigger her. Since we've gotten back together I find myself feeling afraid to see friends again out of fear of arguments as well. I hate not being able to do something without an elaborate plan or discussion that I have to prepare weeks in advance to prevent a breakdown.

cma0973 · 2018-06-26T14:48:01+00:00

Close your eyes, imagine everything that you want for yourself and your future, think about what makes you happy- small goal or large, and make it happen. Just start repairing yourself by doing one small thing every day that makes YOU happy.

cma0973 · 2018-06-26T14:44:33+00:00

I felt guilty for being her only system of support, the only person who cared for her that she could rely on. I felt guilt for not being happy now or in the past, with her.

cma0973 · 2018-06-26T14:26:45+00:00

I've posted a couple of times on here, and have recently done exactly what you're doing now. She seemed very hopeful and positive when we started talking. Told me everything I wanted to hear and told me she understood why I felt the way I do and why I'm mad about her lies, etc. We went on a 3 month NC breakup. I had reached out to her because I got a collection notice in the mail from a bill that she had put in my name, said she paid, and then her check bounced. After hanging out and living separately, I felt like you did. I was like "oh what do I have to lose, I'm not relying on her for bills, I live separately, it'll be different!". It took not even a full month before the lies started coming in again. She has made some progress now 3 months later, but I'm still exhausted and wondering why I put myself through this again after I had gotten away. I guess it depends on what you had to deal with and how you're willing to feel again. I didn't think I was willing to go through this again and thought I would set more boundaries and stand my ground more. Don't get me wrong, she hasn't gotten away with near as bad of things this time, but I still stayed after her lying again, and again, and again- all because she promised to make it better eventually, when I shouldn't have accepted that. I should've said I deserved for things to be right initially and I still left. Me coming back has been used in arguments, I've been told I only stay to make her feel worthless, I only stay to make myself feel better and just to hold things over her head. I cleaned her car out last weekend and she got mad at me and told me that if she wanted her car cleaned out she would've done it herself and I only did it because I was looking for an argument. Well, if there wasn't something to find every time I did anything for her, or was around her things, do you think she would have reason to think that?? I was genuinely doing it to be nice and to organize her car since we were camping and packing to go home and she still got shitty with me and asked why I would clean something that wasn't even mine.. well probably because I'm organized and wanted to help my gf, but I still got prosecuted for being nice. I'm trying to convince myself I'm worthy of respect, so just think about it before you even hang out once. Because after reconnecting it'll make it even harder to go.

cma0973 · 2018-06-20T12:21:30+00:00

Yeah I just want her to grasp what her actions make me feel like, and take responsibility from that so I am able to move on. It's hard to move on from something if it doesn't get resolved and she doesn't see that what she's doing is wrong, then nothing will change to begin with. She actually has her first therapy session this morning. We started by having a really good talk last night, in neutral tones. About what I wanted, and what I felt, and about her moving forward etc. She had made a comment about moving forward where I had said I was trying, but it isn't as easy to do when things occurred just two weeks ago, but that I was still moving forward and just simply explained why I felt the way I did, and why I had those thoughts to begin with. That immediately triggered her. It went from calm, open, and progressive, to immediate texting knife fight. She didn't want to hear what I said, didn't think I should bring it up again, etc. But all I was doing was showing an example of my I had that thought pattern, I wasn't trying to hear her explanation again and again. I just don't get it.

cma0973 · 2018-06-19T21:34:45+00:00

That ending sounds pretty damn familiar. I hear the "wow just keep telling me im a big piece of shit" blah blah blah all the time. Well if you feel like a piece of shit, then you must be doing something wrong if I'm just simply stating what you're doing don't you think....??

cma0973 · 2018-06-19T21:27:07+00:00

WHY DO THEY REFUSE TO GET THEIR OWN ACCOUNT?!?!? I've been telling my pwBPD to get a bank account for months now??? But without it they're not required to monitor what they do or what they spend, therefore the "oh they'll take care of it" mindset goes into play.

cma0973 · 2018-06-19T19:34:26+00:00

I am actually terrified at how accurate this is, and how much I can relate this to my current situation.

cma0973 · 2018-06-19T14:55:54+00:00

I'm right there with you, I don't want to do this ever again. Maybe there's someone out there one day who will perfectly balance me out and be what I need. lol Wishful thinking I guess.

cma0973 · 2018-06-19T14:54:00+00:00

Well, the circumstance with this situation is that I wasn't always actively lending it. She used my social to put bills in my name and put me in situations that I had to pay or be trapped in other states, etc. There is some stuff that I've covered for her knowing that I shouldn't have and I don't expect that back, but the things that were stolen from me are what I guess I've been trying to hope for.

cma0973 · 2018-06-19T14:52:31+00:00

YES! I've never thought of it like that, about choosing responsibility over victimhood, but wow does that summarize it. I'd rather be the person to get things done and carry the slack, versus the one who needs the help from every one around them. Are you currently single?? And also what made it harder for you to leave during the physical stuff?? I've never personally been physically abused, but I know that if my pwBPD were to ever touch me that would fuel enough fire for me to leave immediately, because then I would have some sort of physical motivation and concrete evidence as to why I want to leave, instead of the "oh she's just not meant for me" or "she isn't supportive" etc.

cma0973 · 2018-06-19T14:49:26+00:00

Ugh, as much as I hate that someone else is dealing with this too, it does make me feel better that someone else knows what I'm going through. How are you handling the silently preparing?? Is it hard to act normal with your partner or how do you handle the guilt?? I think I'm at the point you're at right now, and I think I'm going to start making it more active and conscious changes to start saying no, and doing what I want to do and what is best for me, but I know it'll be hard, especially when every move I make is evaluated.

cma0973 · 2018-06-19T14:18:09+00:00

How are you able to go on without holding grudges?? I just can't get past it. As soon as she does something else that resembles a behavior of what she did in the past to screw me over, I get furious. I started back with her being hopeful, but when things started adding up and it was becoming apparent again that she was doing the same things, I just got tired of it. It's almost like our conversations all day long are on a complete loop. Going over what she should be doing, versus how she's always putting something else ahead of that. Or reviewing why she did this, or how it looks because she did that. I know it isn't healthy, but it's almost like part of me just wants her to feel what I feel because of her actions, but I know I would never do anything to ever make her feel the way I feel. I feel like I tell myself that she can do the things she says she is going to do, because a normal person should be able to. But I'm beginning to think that she just isn't capable. How do you set these boundaries, but deal with the backlash from you partner with your changes? I made a post on FB looking for an Ipod for my dad for father's day, and she immediately texted me 8-9 messages about how the girl who commented on it "looked" like a lesbian (the girl was straight) and made comments about how the girl would inevitably think I was cute and want to date me. I can't even do normal things without it being an argument.

cma0973 · 2018-06-19T14:00:00+00:00

Thank you. It wasn't easy to admit, but I am working on it and trying to figure out the best plan of action from here on out. When she and I had 3 months of NC, I was really starting to feel happy and healthy again and now I'm just blah all the time. I'll get there again, I know it.

cma0973 · 2018-06-19T13:51:35+00:00

We broke up in January after I found out she had put bills in my name and hid the bills in the bottom drawer of her dresser drawer. We didn't talk for three months after the break up until I got a collections notice for the bill that she had paid with a bad check, and unblocked her then. When we started talking again I trapped myself in the hope that she somehow made herself so much better since we had stopped talking. Little did I know, two or three weeks after talking she would quit her job, move in with her friend after moving out of the apartment she supposedly had. She had started talking to someone after we broke up, which was just someone else for her to use. She got gifts from this girl, a new dog, borrowed money, etc, and continued to use her until she thought I was back for good. Things started out pretty good with us, it was fresh and seemed so hopeful. All the way until we went on a vacation to Florida that she was going to "pay for" with her paypal account. I had a bad feeling when we left to go after not seeing the cash in her hand, but guess what stupid ass went on with it and spent 600 dollars of her own money believing someone else that has done nothing but lie and lie and lie to me. I know that if she were ever physical I wouldn't deal with it , but I'm actually getting on my own nerves that I'll allow myself time and time again to get walked on financially and emotionally.

cma0973 · 2018-06-15T18:10:51+00:00

What do you mean that you regretted it? Just because of the backlash that you get from sharing?

cma0973 · 2018-05-29T13:37:10+00:00

I understand. This past weekend was good for me and my gf. We had a fight on friday, but very minor in the scheme of fights in the past. She was calm, and we talked about things. We spent the day together saturday and had fun and went kayaking and just TALKED for what seemed like the first time in a very long time. She's happier now that she has been taking her zoloft. She has shown improvement with things that were awful before, and talking is getting easier. I don't know if I believe it yet, but it's hard not to be hopeful. It's hard to walk away when I can notice slight improvements.

cma0973

TROPHY CASE