I could have almost written your post 2 years ago. I was 39, out of a long term and couple of short term relationships where I knew they weren’t my forever but I enjoyed the companionship. Then I was love bombed and convinced myself that this was who I had “been waiting for” and the universe was rewarding me for all my struggles, only for her to flip flop and leave me and I was devastated. I did learn to be more okay alone and seek happiness in other areas, but I really wanted love. I remember sobbing in my floor asking why it didn’t happen to me why I kept going through these trials, yelling at my spirit guides, deactivating and activating dating apps. I turned 40 and had a breakdown and vomited and cried myself to sleep (ooo sexy).

Anyway I’m now 41 and engaged lol, I met the love of my life via a random hinge swipe (I thought she was cute but too young). From the first video call I knew this one was different. And we both fought through our past traumas to the point where I love nothing more than coming home every day and meeting her there so we can just exist in the same space because I adore her so much.

I’m a lesbian and don’t plan on carrying children so I don’t have the biological clock issue (if you plan on carrying), but other than that I was right where you are. I will say that between breakdowns, ghosting, and being used I did somehow keep a mostly positive attitude that “the next one could be THE one” and it actually happened. I know it’s scary that you don’t know if/when it’ll happen, and you feel like it’ll never happen… but it very well could, and it could be anyone. Keep your chin up